Monthly Archives: February 2012

Oh Whitney…

 

 

I wasn’t going to write about this. But after watching countless videos on Youtube today, and that hard sad ache I felt when I watched her mother be carried down the isle after her funeral, I feel like I must.

I was 10 years old when The Bodyguard came out. I had listened to Whitney Houston’s music before this. I have a memory of being twirled by my mother to ‘I wanna dance with somebody’. I remember trying so hard to belt out the notes just like her. The Bodyguard however, was one of the first tapes I owned that I listened to and enjoyed every single song. I had all the songs memorized, and made my own dance steps up to the songs (in the privacy of my room of course!).

Listening to her music and singing the songs, I believed one day that I could be just like Whitney. Growing up in a small town, and living on the side of town that was predominately white, she gave me an ideal to want to be. She was as dark as I was, with many of my features. You didn’t see that very often.

I missed watching the funeral today. I did see parts in recaps however. I smiled at the memories shared by Kevin Costner and tears ran unbidden down my cheeks for her mother and her family. I winced at Alicia Keys screaming at me.

Whitney Houston gave a fat awkward black girl hope. She showed me you didn’t have to be high yellow or have Caucasian features to make it in this world. You have your talent and your heart. That is all you really need. Some people will argue with me that it didn’t hurt the powerful family and friends she had behind her. No, it didn’t hurt. But you can’t tell me that she was carried by them. She let her voice do the talking.

Now, I don’t sing. Not in public anyway. I have a crippling anxiety when even thinking about singing in public. But thinking of Whitney in high school led me to try out for the choir. And I made it. She is one of many people who showed me a way to be the best person I could be. For that I will be forever grateful.

Good bye Whitney Houston. I hope you found the peace you never seemed to find here on this mortal coil. I hope you look down on this earth and know how much you were loved and treasured.

A change is gonna come.

 

As I sit here with fried looking hair, looking rode hard and put away wet, I have decided I need a change.

                              I googled ‘Fried Dyed and Laid to the Side’ This is what I got *Snort*

I work 40 hours a week. I come home and I work more. School work and housework never ends. It isn’t just me though. If I am working 40 hours, my husband is currently putting in 60 to 70 hours a week. A couple of days ago He didn’t get home from work until 9pm.

It is not just that though. Ever since I lost weight, I haven’t shopped for clothes I enjoy. I have work outfits that I have purchased for the sole purpose of work. They are okay looking, but they make me feel staid and just, ugh.

I am stuck in a rut. I don’t take care of myself like I should. I don’t do anything for me and my husband. We work, we come home, we pick up dinner, and we stare blankly at the TV for an hour or two before we get started on our bedroom rituals.

I’m frustrated and tired guys. I’m stuck in a rut. I was doing laundry this evening and realized I was stuck in a clothing rut as well. Let me give you the primary example I have. For about 10 years now I have bought one type of jean. I purchase the Lane Bryant Right Fit Jeans. You know the ones I am talking about. The ones that are folded up in the store. (Size 6 blue circle!). The quality has gone downhill over the years. I am not entirely sure they are real denim anymore. Plus they smell funny, no matter how many times you wash them.

Tomorrow I am making time for myself. Jeff is out of town for the weekend for work (boo), but I am going to make the most of it. I plan on doing a hot oil treatment on my hair, painting my nails, and just beautifying myself. I also plan on buying a pair of nice new jeans. I need to step out of the jean comfort zone.  I still have homework and I still have housework, but I need to focus on myself for just a little bit.

 

My questions to you: Have you pampered yourself recently? If not, why? Is it something you struggle with?