How Were We Supposed to Know that Hipsters Were So Flammable – Daveed Diggs and Rafael Casal Deliver in Blindspotting

Hey geeks! Last night your girl went to an advanced screening of Blindspotting with the Bruin Film Society.  Blindspotting is an indie film written by and starring Daveed Diggs and Rafael Casal.  In Blindspotting, Collin (Daveed Diggs) must make it through his final three days of probation for a chance at a new beginning. He and his troublemaking childhood best friend, Miles (Rafael Casal), work as movers, and when Collin witnesses a police shooting, the two men’s friendship is tested as they grapple with identity and their changed realities in the rapidly-gentrifying neighborhood they grew up in.

It will be released July 20 but as a fangirl I lack patience when it comes to seeing my faves. So I braved L.A. traffic from the IE and boy was it worth it. The movie was phenomenal. And after the screening, writer/stars Rafael Casal and Daveed Diggs, and brilliant supporting actresses Janina Gavankar and Jasmine Cephas Jones did a lengthy Q & A. After the Q & A they sat on the stage (!) and stayed to talk to fans for over an hour. They were precious. I’ll talk about that experience on the podcast next week but for now, this is my Blindspotting review.

Blindspotting cast

Blindspotting is an ambitious movie. It is about home and loyalty. It portrays people of color raising children, trying to keep their relationships strong, and coping with PTSD, all in environment of gentrification, police violence, and mass incarceration. But at heart it is a buddy comedy centered on fast talking hot head Miles (Rafael Casal) and easy going everyman Collin (Daveed Diggs). It is a nuanced, challenging, yet side splitting buddy comedy. And oh, there is spoken word poetry. Quite a bit of it. All of that sounds pretty hard to pull off. But the crazy thing is that they DO pull it off. The screening audience (myself included) was alternately laughing, gasping, and sitting on the edges of our seats. There were also tears. It is that affecting. The movie's power to affect the viewer, if you are a person of color especially, comes partly from the fact that the characters who inhabit this movie would have been stereotyped or made caricatures by other movies.  We don’t often get to see these types of characters in this way – people of color, convicted felons, working class people, women of color, etc. In Blindspotting they deal with trauma but they also dance in the kitchen. They grapple with violence but also clown on each other. Another big part of the impact of this movie comes from the method of layered, gradual storytelling and commitment to authenticity.

First, the authenticity. Every single aspect of the movie feels organic. Every character feels like it was pulled from inside of someone rather than composed on a writing room board. The dialogue is fresh and the jokes feel like jokes your friends would tell, but only if they were as fast on their feet and as funny as Miles and Collin.  In the Q & A portion after the screening, Daveed Diggs says he and Rafael drew on their own rhythm and chemistry as lifelong friends. That makes Miles and Collin a joy to watch.  The spoken word in the movie is the patter of two childhood friends who have  spent years running the streets entertaining each other by just talking shit and making up verses. I was a little worried about potential awkward inexplicable poetry moments. But I literally didn’t even notice the transitions between poetry and non poetry. That is just how Miles and Collin talk. And as the spoken word elements are heightened little by little throughout the movie, you are never taken outside of the story. You just get absorbed early and it is a fantastic ride.

Secondly, part of the organic approach is that the movie never tells you what to think, it just makes you feel for the characters. It  shows people living their lives, and then it goes about taking their inner emotional lives seriously. For example, the main friendship of the movie involves two men who love each another (it's platonic, but it's love), but whose friendship is tested by the world and their own trauma. Precious few movies or TV shows portray male friendships in all of their importance and nuance.  So that already makes Blindspotting special. According to most pieces of art/entertainment, men aren’t supposed to care about each other that much. They aren’t supposed to need each other that much. In most movies centering male friendships, the audience is encouraged to laugh with them but never allowed to cry with them. That is a classic feature of toxic masculinity. But Blindspotting just blows past all of that and shows brilliantly how these two men need their friendship. That makes the movie great because it rings true.

It would be absurd to pretend that Miles and Collin wouldn’t depend on their friendship for survival. They grew up together. They have helped each other survive absent fathers, life on the streets, and the criminal justice system. So the fact that Collin and Miles have chosen to be family to one another makes complete sense. Some of the best scenes are when Collin is in Miles’s home, playing with his baby Ziggy (Ziggy Baitinger), and bantering affectionately with his partner Ashley (Jamine Cephas-Jones). But Collin and Miles experience life differently because the world treats them differently based on their race. Collin is trying to survive in a world where the color of his skin makes him a target, and his record means one misstep puts him back in jail. Miles wants to champion Collin, but in true family fashion, that often means inhibiting his growth. Also, Miles is a white man who grew up in among people of color, so he feels like he has to continually prove he is extra down. Add that to his deep fear of losing his home (Oakland) to gentrification, and he is always the first one to pop off. But when he starts shit, he is attracting the police, which puts Collin at risk as a Black man with a record. Miles doesn’t think about that at all, which is part of the problem. He’s just being wild trying to defend his home and his best friend. That’s what he thinks, anyway. But he is missing a big part of the picture by refusing to be accountable for the added risk he is bringing into Collin’s life and his own son’s life. This problem unfolds and escalates throughout the movie masterfully.  By the time Miles and Collin have it out, covered in blood in a parking lot, you just can’t tear your eyes away. The dialogue, the performances, everything is as compelling as anything you will see on screen.

Also, this approach to telling personal stories is the most impactful way to talk about topics like police murder and mass incarceration. That is because politics are personal. It is the power structure that de-personalizes politics. It is the power structure that tells you politics is something separate you think about only when you turn on CNN or go to the voting booth.  This is at best a privileged point of view, and at worse, a calculated strategy to dissuade marginalized people from participating in the political process. In truth, politics is simply what our institutions do to the human spirit.  Watching Collin deal with PTSD, Ashley trying to keep her son safe, Val trying to improve her life, and Miles trying desperately to hold all the pieces together with his bare hands – these stories tell us everything we need to know. When we see institutional injustices collide with their lives – Ziggy throwing his hands up and saying ‘don’t’ shoot’ while giggling, Collin walking down the street at night during a particularly heart stopping scene where you are begging the cop car to Please. Just. Keep. Driving.  How can you not see that politics are about how the human spirit is at the mercy of our institutions?

Also brilliant is the layered, gradual way in which they introduce you to these characters. You go on a journey that forces you to see their humanity, the good, bad, and ugly, at all times.  This plays out to sharp effect with the Collin character as well as with Val and Collin's arc.

Let’s start with Collin. Of course Daveed Diggs is absurdly lovable and he brings that quality to the screen. But it is more than that. The movie is masterful at creating this experience of getting to know Collin at every level so that you never simplify or patronize him. Now. You know from the opening scene that he did time for a felony. At the first part of the movie, you are left to guess as to Collin’s crime.  But you are having so much fun with the jokes, the banter, and the streets of Oakland,  that you don’t dwell on the question. Also, you feel right away that it can’t be anything too nefarious. When you meet him, the first thing you see is his sense of humor. Then in quick succession, you see his vulnerability around Val and his silliness with Ziggy. You get the idea that he has disappointed Val and made some poor choices, but you know that he is a good person who wants to better himself. While Miles and Collin are moving things in and out of people’s houses, they idly make up rhymes together. These are absolutely brilliant pieces of character development as well. Hearing the rhymes Collin makes with Miles to deal with the boredom tells you that he is a sensitive, clever, thoughtful guy. Then, a little way into the movie, Miles (in true extra af Miles fashion) dismisses Collin’s crime saying ‘how were we supposed to know hipsters were so flammable!?” But as we see through the entire movie, humor is a great way to cope but can also be used to mask truth.  So from the jump, you sense that Miles is a hilarious but unreliable narrator. So you know fire is involved but that's about it.

By the time you see the crime Collin has committed, you are already ALL IN on Collin. You love him and want things to turn out for him. The crime isn’t something that changes that. But it does reveal another layer of Collin that surprises you. You also see him momentarily through Val’s eyes and in that instant you understand why she broke up with him. The moment also adds another layer to your understanding of Miles. Like, oooohhhhh he thinks a woman should be completely ok with that. Duly noted, Miles.

By the end of the movie you see Collin for who he is in his entirety and the journey you took in doing so never let you simplify him. It never let you love him for something he wasn’t.  A more pedestrian movie would give you the experience of “Some incarcerated men of color are good people.” Blindspotting give you the experience of “all incarcerated men of color are human beings, both good and bad, like Collin and like everyone else”.  Y’all. That’s a big difference and it reflects masterful storytelling, and it must be said, storytelling where people of color get to tell their own stories.

And since I have mentioned Val, I have to say that I appreciated how layered the storytelling was for Val and Collin’s relationship. You first meet Val when she and Collin have an icy relationship. He’s almost off parole and he wants to show her that he can improve himself.  She has her defenses up. The first introduction you get to any description of Val is Miles complaining about her. He calls her a disloyal bitch in his loud, extra way. He complains about Val not visiting Collin in jail (and presumably dumping him) the way he complains about $10 green drinks, his favorite burger place becoming vegan, and hipsters parking like shit. These are all crimes in Miles’s world.

As a woman, I did not join him in judging her. Calling a woman disloyal is just another way to describe a woman maxing out on your bullshit.  But while Miles judges Val, (mostly because he judges the Collin/Val relationship through the lens of family, not romantic partnerships) the movie does not. I was happy about that, because judging a woman for leaving a relationship can become sexist hack bullshit really quickly. But thankfully that doesn't happen. Val is nuanced like everyone else.

As the movie unfolds it becomes clear that Val wants better for Collin because she still loves him. And the chemistry between Val and Collin is off the chain. The scene where she is braiding his hair and he looks up at her? Oh Lord. *fans self * And afterward when he goes in for a hug and she shuts her eyes while he is holding her like “goddamnit motherfucker why do I love this so much”. I mean. Their chemistry is freakin fire and she is so relatable.  I’m a school nerd and so I’m also going to relate hard to a girl doing her flashcards trying to better herself. Another way the movie shows that it does not judge Val is that the other women do not judge Val. Collin’s mom loves Val. And Ashley is very clear that any distance between her and Val is because of a very perfuntory consession to Miles's focus on loyalty. An Ashley line I loved was “ I didn’t cross the picket line, shit I’m just following her on social media.” These women have made different choices but they do not judge one another. And you get the feeling that they care about each other a lot.

With time you see that neither Val nor Miles are perfect in what they expect from Collin. And you understand that it was never about Collin making a choice between Val or Miles expectations. It was always about Miles choosing himself. And oh god do you want him to choose himself. CHOOSE YOURSELF, COLLIN.

Look, I’m a passionate person. Latina + fangirl is a potent combo. But its also a damn good movie that touches on so many themes that matter to me.

Last thing I want to say is that this movie depicted PTSD in an incredibly honest way. As someone who suffers from PTSD I appreciate that. And on the podcast we are going to do an entire ep about media that gets the depiction of mental health right and I’ll definitely be talking about Blindspotting. I'll also give my first-hand account of meeting the amazing cast, and I’ll read a list of names Miles calls white hipster gentrifying his neighborhood. It’s good shit.

So yeah, do I need to spell it out? Go see Blindspotting when it comes out. Release date: July 20, 2018 (USA)

 

 

A Gay a Day: LGBTQ Art and Entertainment Saves Lives. Let’s Promote It.

LGBTQ Art and Entertainment Saves Lives.

During Pride Month, Let’s Promote the Hell Out of It.

Hashtags: #agayaday and #pridemonth

Lesbian Jesus, Haley Kiyoko

All over the world, LGBTQ people are treated as second class citizens at best, and as criminals at worst. Gay relationships are criminalized in 72 different countries, with some penalties including death. 

Even in “enlightened” communities, LGBTQ people and relationships are marginalized and treated as less than or just gross. ‘Gay’ is used as an insult.  A same sex kiss on TV is considered more scandalous than an opposite sex kiss. LGBTQ fans who ‘ship same sex TV characters together are often mocked and silenced. There are literal entire political movements dedicated to ensuring the continued second class legal status of LGBTQ relationships. Young people grow up hearing these anti-gay messages all day every day. This literal constant onslaught of dehumanizing and debasing treatment can cause depression and even suicide. LGBTQ youth across the country are isolated and suffer in silence.

So LBGTQ youth need solidarity and the world needs changing.

Nomi Marks, explaining how this has got to work, Sense8

One of the most powerful, miraculous, methods of bringing solidarity and strength to LGBTQ people everywhere is art and entertainment. And in the process of helping LGBTQ youth, LGBTQ art also changes the world by humanizing LGBTQ people to the larger population. In sum, we should be supporting it. We should be supporting each other.

Lito and Nando, Sense8. I want my own cluster, damnit.

Tweet/insta/fb/whatevers one recommendation for LGBTQ positive art/entertainment per day during pride month June 2018 -- TV, comics, books, art prints, podcasts, movies, youtubers, anything!!! Let’s vote with our money for art by LGBTQ folks, and/or art with positive LGBTQ representation.

Hai Nichole. (Nicole Haught and Waverly Earp, Wynonna Earp)

Have fun promoting your underrated LGBTQ faves, you'll make Captain Holt so proud.

Captain Raymond Holt, Brooklyn 99

Use hashtags #pridemonth and #agayaday

See you on social media, y'all.

Anissa Pierce and Chenoa, Black Lightning *fans self

 

Buckout Road Director Talks to Earpers

Matthew Currie-Holmes, writer/director of Buckout Road, did an AMA for Earpers in the DomSquad Facebook group on May 31, 2018. He thoughtfully answered an avalanche of  questions about Buckout Road, Dominique, and indie filmmaking. Earpers ask great questions, so there is a lot of wonderful behind the scenes info as well as advice for creative types who want to be in the movie biz. Also, he told us how Dom's audition for Buckout Road went!

For smidge of background, DomSquad is a group of Dominique Provost-Chalkley fans who promote Dom’s projects. Anyone can join, just look us up on Facebook. We do meetups, screenings, and twitter campaigns to promote Dom’s projects. That’s how we met Matthew! Here we are with Matthew at the Hollywood Screening. Dom even ‘grammed us!

Photo cred: Anna at @BNNXP on Twitter

When we met Matthew, he really clicked with DomSquad, agreed to join our Facebook group, and the rest is AMA history. I edited the following transcript for clarity/grammar, and I omitted names of our members because it is a closed group so privacy is part of the deal. So here is how it went! Matthew posted the following photo (hell yeah) and we dove right in!

Let’s do this #DomSquad excited to chat!!

Q. There tends to be a fair amount of sexism and misogyny in horror movies but Buckout road seems to avoid that. Was that a conscious, purposeful decision? (ok, this was my question, sue me I'm always thinking with my feminist brain ha!)

A. You’re absolutely right there is a ton of misogyny in genre films and I think it’s important that we not only address it but change it. I’m the father of a daughter and if I tell her that she can be anything she wants to be and then show her that women are basically sacrificial lambs just to follow the trope, what kind of example of my setting?

Q. I’m not being specific because I don’t want to spoil people. But there was a lot to like about the movie as a woman.

A. Thank you so much for saying that. And for noticing. It’s hard for me to answer this question without spoiling but in my fairytale movie the princess saves the prince.

Q. Are there any other folktales you would love to bring to screen?

A. Great question I have a few scripts that I’ve written that are loosely based on folktales but I think the one that I would love to see done right is bloody Mary 666.

Q. You recently tweeted that you would like to do some more acting. What role would you most like to play and one you wouldn’t

A. I think I’m just nostalgic for acting, I loved being on stage and performing and I loved engaging with other actors. I love what actors do. I think as I get older the roles that I would like to play would be kind of fucked up characters with fucked up pasts. There’s no real specific role that I’d like of course I would love to do true west and there’s some John Patrick Shanley pieces that always make me happy. I’m not sure that there’s a role that I wouldn’t take, the only problem I have with acting is the pursuit of the job Ha ha ha.

Q. How many actors did you actually audition for the roles - a large number or were you able to narrow your options pretty quickly?

A. I had three sets of auditions one was the initial call for every role except the priest the cop and Aaron and Dr. Powell. Every other role in the movie was up for grabs. I saw probably 15 people per role and when I did my callbacks we narrowed it down to three people per role.

Q. Did you write Buckout Road with Evan Ross and Danny Glover in mind?

A. Evan and Danny were attached before I was. I had to audition for directing!

 


Q. Where/when we will be able to watch the movie online. A lot of people are eager to see the film.

A. Right now we are in the process of getting distribution there will be announcement soon I promise. Don’t forget to follow @BuckoutRoad on Facebook and Twitter to stay up to date on the latest!

The next Buckout Road Screening is at the Niagara Falls Comic Con on Friday June 1st at 6pm. Get tickets here: https://tix.extremetix.com/webtix/3798

 

Q. Will any film stills be released?

A. If you want to see some cool film stills check out the IMDb page at https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4847454/

(Note: That is where DomSquad member Laura Harley pulled the movie still for this cool fan art)

@laura_harley

Q. What made you choose this urban legend to make a movie about? And what made you decide that Dom would be one of its stars?

A. There are actually over 13 urban legend surrounding buckout Road. Obviously we couldn’t film all of them so I did an amalgam of three or four legends and mashed them into one. Dominique had been recommended to me by a friend who had directed her in an episode of Murdoch mysteries. I asked her agent if she would audition and she came in and absolutely crushed it. Both myself and the casting director and my producer knew the second she walked in the room that she had the part. She was really something special! (RRL note: we agree!)

Q. What would you say was the most difficult part of creating this movie overall?

A. For me the most difficult part of making this movie was whenever we shot at night we couldn’t do a pick up because the sun was our ultimate clock. Once the sun came up the day was over and there is nothing we can do about it. We were on such a tight schedule that every location we shot had to be wrapped out at the end of that day. So you can imagine during the night shoots if we didn’t get what we were supposed to we were kind of fucked.There were often times during night shoots that I either had to scrap what I had intended to shoot or reconfigure my shooting schedule

Q. Did you use any specialist lighting? Some places where remote how did you get your equipment to location?

A. We had BIG trucks carry our lights to remote locations.

Q. When you write for a film do you have the season or time off in your mind too?

A. Sometimes it’s set specific, and the time of year is a character of the film. Film shot in winter use the weather as a plot device. I prefer to write most of my things in the summer because I hate the cold. That said if someone offered me an obscene amount of money to shoot something that I had written for summer and the only time we could shoot it is in the winter, well then I would pull up my snow pants and get to work.

Q. How do you start your your plots for a movie? How do you turn the story into a script?

A. That’s a great question. I have a very strict process of how I like to work. The first thing I do is write five pages of gobbledygook. Just crazy bullshit that doesn’t make any sense. Then I turn that into a beat sheet. Mapping out all of the major plot points and beads in the film, not the minor ones just the big ones. Then I create back stories for every character even though nine times out of 10 you never see it (that’s from years of acting). Then I create a log line and a two page synopsis. Once I have all these things I write a 10 to 20 page treatment. Once I finished my treatment I start writing my script and filling in the blanks with dialogue, action, etc. Finally once I’m finished a draft of a screenplay where I think there is no way in the world I can possibly write anymore about this particular subject, I send it out to get notes and then the rewriting begins.

Q. Do you have specific people you trust to proof your scripts and give you notes?

A. I do. I have screenwriters who are friends of mine who have graciously donated their time many many times to read my shit. I in exchange read their fantastic screenplays.Once I get notes back from my fellow screenwriters I send it out to get coverage from a screen writing company. If you’re looking for someone to read your work there are really great companies out there that can help you and that aren’t very expensive. The first hat comes to mind is called Dan Rosen reads. He’s a fantastic screenwriter and a great filmmaker and he just started a company reading scripts for people. His notes are amazing. There are other companies that are use as well because, I tend to have a lot of typos in my scripts so I need to professionals to clean them up for me.

Q. How do you select your crew? Is this a different process to auditions?

A. As far as crew is concerned, The majority of the hiring is done by the production manager. I select my cinematographer, my editor, and my production designer. Because I was somewhat unfamiliar with some of the great crew that was available to me in Ontario, where we filmed, I had to rely on our production manager to fill in the blanks. She did a great job and we had a fantastic crew. We wouldn’t be having this discussion if I didn’t have an amazing crew. They made me look great and I am deeply indebted to every single person on that film said who gave 110%. It was a very tough shoot and not one person complained. I would work with the vast majority of the crew I had again in a heartbeat.

 

Q. What advice would you give to aspiring indie film directors just starting out?

A. This is the New World order and the rules that used to apply don’t anymore so if you want to make a movie just start filming. Grab your phone, grab a Canon rebel, and start shooting. I really do believe that the best school is practice. I have a saying: never be the smartest guy in the room. If you’re a director surround yourself with an amazing cinematographer and amazing sound person, And make a movie. Then hire an amazing editor and have her cut it for you. Just as long as every person that you hire or asked to do the job is better than you at it

 

Q. Besides being able to scare people based on their belief in folktales, is there anything specific about bringing folktales to life, or the horror genre in general that speaks to you?

A. I absolutely adore horror. I find that it is just drama with higher stakes. Being scared and coming through a fear tunnel is what reminds us that were really alive. I think that people have been scared of the unknown for as long as there have been people and posing questions on film that don’t necessarily give answers but reinforce those fears is what makes life worth living in my humble opinion. We are creatures who love to tell stories and we love to solve mysteries and to feel like we’ve experienced something. I find horror is a ultimate surviving of a folktale. And it’s what you can’t see that’s more scary than what you do. That’s why the shark doesn’t appear until the third act JAWS.

Q. How do you raise funds for a film project? And how do you keep to a budget? (I understand this may not be answered)

A. Hahaha, this is an AMA so by the laws of the universe I have to answer, but I do have to be judicious as well. I make most of my movies in Canada and I have amazing producers who are able to access some of the benefits Canada has to offer like tax credits and film funds. The rest of the budget is raised by the caliber of cast, and the amount of territories that the film sells in. For example if we sell to a UK distributor for $100,000 we can take that promise to the bank and get a loan for the amount and all of that is how the budget is compiled.As far as how I keep to a strict budget, once again I just have amazing people who keep me on track and tell me under no uncertain terms what I can and cannot do Based on the money we have. It’s my job to be as creative as possible within the limitations.

Q. Is Canada your location of choice because of funding/tax credit considerations or more because of your connections there?

A. I am a Canadian citizen so I can access some of the tax credits by my birthright. Plus, I love shooting in Canada. Canada has the best people, best crews, and great actors. And that’s where my family is.

Q. What qualities or roles can Dom play that the world hasn’t seen yet?

A. Dom has an incredible control of her emotional faculties and I think she has a really wonderful mischievous character inside her as well. But more importantly she is so unbelievably dedicated to her craft that I’m sure she can do just about anything. I would love to see her get super angry and I think that she would make a kick ass bad guy! I think she has incredible range and if given the opportunity she could add and an enormous amount of complexity to someone perceived as evil.

 

 

Q. Directing really requires a broad knowledge of all aspects of filmmaking. What aspects of directing do you love the most and which challenge you the most?

A. I love working with actors and I really love the editing process. The most challenging part is getting the shot, lining up the shot. There’s always an element where everyone on set is holding their breath to make sure we get it. But that’s where a fantastic crew comes in

Q. Do you find it easier or more difficult to direct a screenplay that you wrote.

A. I prefer directing things that I’ve written because I already had a picture in my mind when I wrote it. That’s not to say that the picture that I had in my mind is the only version that I shoot. Part of being a director is the ability to take the best decision and put it on the screen. A lot of great ideas that made it in the final cut of the film weren’t mine to begin with but we’re better than what I had so we shot it. You have to put your ego aside and do what’s best for the film even if that means someone else had a better idea than you did. The cool thing is it says directed by Matthew Currie Holmes so I get the credit, haha.

Q. Have you ever had an experience in which an actor was really difficult to work with or had a really contrary interpretation of the character than you imagined? If so, how did you work it out?

A. What makes a good artist is their dedication to their craft. A great actor will interpret the material they’re given in a number of ways. To me the only reason someone would be perceived as “difficult “ is because they don’t feel they are being heard. Ultimately I have the final say on set as far as what I want my performers to do. My job is to be open their interpretation because even though I have an idea in my head they might do something that I didn’t see coming and I need to be receptive to that. I’ve been lucky in that all the actors that I’ve worked with have been professional and courteous so I can honestly say it was very little drama on the set. That being said, there are always contrary opinions but nothing can’t be worked out.

Conclusion: Hey everybody thank you so much for asking me all your amazing questions I hope I was able to give a little bit of insight into the process and I didn’t look like too much of a fool.I’m really humbled by This engagement. Hope you all have fantastic day or night wherever you are in the world. I will leave you with this. I spoke to Dom just before got on here and asked if she had any messages for you she wanted to let you all know that you’re all amazing and that season three of Wynonna Earp is going to be EPIC!!!  Happy #TransDayOfVisibilty MCH out!

For more DomSquad fun:

Terran (our one and only nb Earper prince) did a vlog on the Buckout Road Screening Earper meetup with Matthew, if you want some behind the scenes fun check it out! https://youtu.be/ADRImLFxNEE 

Lastly, here are some pics of DomSquad members rocking our t-shirts in photo ops with Dominique.  If you want your own DomSquad merch, search ‘DomSquad’ on Redbubble.

Rachel @WynonnaUk with Carmilla cuties Elise/Natasha, and Dom (l.) and Juliet @JulietBogen and Marcella @cella581 with Dom (r.) both pics are from ClexaCon 2018

 

I Need a Person of Interest’s Root and Shaw Spin Off

As a dyed in the wool geek, I want a lot of things. I want Bae Doona to have her own series as a Batman-esque dark avenger with a complicated past but instead of Alfred she has a super sexy wife who builds all of her tech. I want John Barrowman to guest on Supernatural, and flirt so outrageously with Castiel that Dean Winchester finally confesses his true feelings for his angel.

And I really really want Root and Shaw from Person of Interest to get their own show. Or movie!

 

You’re sensing a pattern. Super gay. But in my defense, we need more quality LGBT content.  We also need Root and Shaw, no matter their sexual orientation. Even in the crowded field of quality shows, a Root and Shaw spinoff would be a stand out among stand outs. The characters are nuanced and magnetic. The actors are incredible. The themes of government surveillance, data security, global spy networks, and terrorism are more relevant every day. The themes of found family and underdogs fighting the odds are inspiring and relatable.  The format has the potential for action sequences that would make you stand up off the couch. And the chemistry between those two -- holy lord. Grab your fans, your glass of water, whatever you need because you’re going to be parched.

Root and Shaw are two characters from the late great CBS tv drama Person of Interest. If you have seen the Person of Interest all the way until the end, I can hear the question mark above your head. Don’t worry. It’s tv. We can fix it.

And if you haven’t seen the show, here is the premise. Person of Interest is based in NYC after the attacks on the twin towers. After 9/11 (in the show, though this is #tooreal) the American government hires a tech genius to build them an artificial intelligence to predict acts of terror. There is nothing supernatural about it.  People who are going to commit acts of terror do certain things. They buy burner cell phones, open bank accounts, visit sketchy websites, etc. Add in video cameras everywhere, and ‘The Machine’ (the AI entity the government builds) can predict any premeditated acts of murder.

Harold Finch, the genius who builds the machine for the CIA, quickly realizes something disturbing. The machine doesn’t distinguish between terror murder, and regular ol murdery murder. But the CIA has neither the interest nor the resources to do anything about the run of the mill impending murders. So, the information on the regular murders are destroyed at the end of every day, leaving people to die when they could have been saved.  At some point, Harold can’t live with himself so he recruits a deadpan, laconic, former special forces badass named John Reese. Harold does the tech genius bit, John does the stalking/rescuing. Their unlikely friendship (more than friendship?subtext?) is a source of sheer enjoyment. Detective Carter, their friend on the force (perfection that is Taraji P Henson) helps them from the NYPD side of things. There’s also Lionel, but he’s a bit of a wild card.

In the first season, the show is more like ‘case of the week’. But befitting the rich, complex topics of AI, spying, data security, rogue government agencies, and international intrigue, things become complicated fast.

Enter Root. Root is a hacker at Harold’s level of genius. She is interested in Harold’s Machine. But while Harold has a deep sense of caution regarding the machine he built -- he tries hard to keep it from getting too much information that could be catastrophic in the wrong hands--Root is in love with the machine.  She abhors the evil that humans inflict upon one another (she calls terrible people ‘bad code’) and she sees The Machine as the answer to the problem of us (people). She adores Harold for creating the machine but is totally perplexed and even outraged as to why he doesn’t trust his creation. Looking around at humanity, it is hard to argue with her many salient points. But it is easy to argue with her methods and doubt her values. In theory she is disgusted by evil. But she does terrible things in service to the machine. It begs the question: for Root, is the machine a path to good? Or is the machine (instead of humans) the good? Because those are two very different things, and one is incredibly sinister if you happen to value humanity.

Root is an enigmatic, layered character played with intellectual ferocity by Amy Acker. And when Root gets hooked into the machine and starts following her intel, the combination of woman/machine is exhilarating.  The machine knows when a murder is going to occur, so Root finds a way to pipe The Machine’s ‘feed’ into her ear. The Machine is practically all-seeing, and gets Root out of seemingly unsolvable situations. I will never ever tire  of watching Root step into a crowded hallway on orders of The Machine. As bullets fly around her, Root walks in a perfectly straight line, face serene, pulling triggers on the guns in both of her hands. Her trust that the machine will keep her safe is unshakable. She is taking down murderers and terrorists left and right all while feeding intel back to Harold. She tries not to kill people because Harold is quite fond of humans, and she is now part of his Machine team. But she herself is a damn machine.

Now let’s talk about Shaw. She is another fascinating, exciting character. Shaw works for the Other side of The Machine --  the main feed that predicts terror and sends data directly to the CIA. Shaw is essentially a CIA assassin. She took the job because she is good at it.  Shaw has never felt emotions the way other people do. Flashbacks show her standing next to a car crash as a child, being completely unphased by the death of her parents. She creeps out an adult there to help her,  who is expecting a human emotional reaction from the child. That’s the story of Shaw’s life. It’s why she doesn’t succeed as a doctor. She literally disturbs her patients with her inappropriate emotional responses and lack of affect. So she ends up doing a job that would torture others, because it simply doesn’t bother her: assassin. But while Sameen Shaw may not feel the same way others do, she does value things. She values loyalty. She values honesty. And when her partner is slaughtered by the CIA she is unwilling to accept it. And because of who she is, she has very little compunction about cutting a swath of violence to punish her bosses. She doesn’t angst over it. She doesn’t worry. She doesn’t fear them. She just does what she needs to do to teach them not to fuck with her.

Being on the outs with her bosses, she reluctantly becomes a part of John and Harold’s crew. It takes a whole lot of convincing. She’s not really into their mission. She isn’t a hero. But what else is she going to do? Where else will she fit in? She’s their “petite Persian sociopath” and boy does she up their game. Shaw has skills. She is brutal, decisive, resourceful, and punctual. (Ms. Shaw may be violent and uncommunicative, but she is never tardy! -- Harold Finch) And she shares an enthusiastic love of melodramatic violence -- think rocket launchers in broad daylight--with the laconic John Reese. Root dubs Reese and Shaw “The Mayhem Twins” and their partnership is truly delightful. Shaw has a sardonic nickname for Reese for every day of the week, with Root jumping in on the fun.  

Sarah Shahi’s interpretation of Sameen Shaw is a constant delight. She inhabits her with such complete comfort that you feel Sameen Shaw is real. She plays Shaw’s sociopathy (of course whether she is strictly a sociopath is arguable) with incredibly subtlety and even humor. Shaw is completely unaware of how she comes across to other people. She is so disconnected from social norms. She is the awkwardest little turtle for a woman who could kill you with her bare hands. Maybe even hand. She doesn’t need much to kill you. And Shaw kickboxing the shit out of someone while wearing a ball gown is my entire sexual orientation. Just so you know.

When Shaw and Root first meet, I was not a fan of their romantic pairing.  I already wanted to protect Shaw, and Root tortures her for information in their first scene together. Relationships shouldn’t start with torture, don’t @ me.  However, Shaw is a little different than your average woman. She also tortures and kills and this is just another day at work for her. But they are not off to a good start. They seem at opposite ends of the spectrum. Root vibrates with ideals. In the beginning, those ideals are dysfunctional and misanthropic, but they fill her and spill out onto everyone around her. Root’s eyes brim wonder when she talks to Harold about The Machine. She can picture a better world and she will stop at nothing to make it happen. These type of emotions don’t necessarily bother Shaw, but the expectation that she should be able to respond in kind, does bother her. Shaw would like to back away from your grand dreams so she can get back to her sandwich. Her sandwich doesn’t expect her to respond with an appropriate emotional affect.

Shaw never expected anything from the world, so how could she have dreams for its destiny? She loves food. She loves the dog (Bear, the former combat dog that only responds to Dutch commands) and she does her job. Other than that, she’d like to be left alone.  But her new job with the Machine’s squad starts to change her. She experiences the gratitude of people whose lives she saves. At first she finds it incredibly off putting. But at one point the gratitude of a child pierces her abject inability to empathize. It’s like a lighthouse piercing fog.  It’s not complete, but it is something. It gets her attention. She starts to grasp what she is doing for people, and it reveals possibilities for who she could be in the world. Also, the acceptance of her new rag-tag weirdo family starts to work on her psyche. She starts noticing that no one cares that she’s a bit off. No one cares that she is emotionally stunted. They have her back. They show up for her time after time after time. And when she shows up for them they are grateful. Which she has a hard time accepting. Her life is transactional. She’s not sure what do do with feelings. But she notices them, and she understands that she now has a family. It is a loyal, badass family that would do anything for her. She can trust them with her life. And after the betrayals she has endured, that means something to her. In fact, it affects her profoundly. She isn’t capable of verbally  acknowledging her appreciation of them. But before she herself notices it, she would lay down her life for them.

And Root starts falling in love with her. Of course she does. And in true Root style, she gushes out her feelings. Root is unfiltered. She is raw. She feels from the top of her head down to her toes, whether that is wrath, rage, disgust, or love of Sameen Shaw.

Shaw resists. Of course she does. Accepting Root’s feelings requires her to respond to them. And she doesn’t know how to do that.

But Root sees something in her. She sees Shaw’s  beating heart and she knows Shaw has zero idea what to do with it or how to reach out. So Root all but shouts from the rooftops that she is willing to do all the work. Root will find and meet her where she is. Root will jump off the cliff with no net and all Shaw has to do is open her arms. Shaw starts to find inches of courage. Even a silence or a ‘maybe’ instead of a no. But you can see her defenses start to slide down. Root and Shaw are both socially inept in their own ways. Root too raw, Shaw too withdrawn. So for them,  connecting consists of many false starts and awkward pauses. But boy oh boy when they get there. These two women, with their scars and trauma and tenacity, who belong to this little weirdo family and share a mission to keep the world free, these two women have chemistry that just explodes. It is a slow burn that flows to lava.

But all of these amazing developments? They happen in the last season! They are cut so short when there is so much more story to tell. Person of Interest may have come to a close but Root and Shaw were just getting started. Root started out a woman who felt self righteous enough to kidnap and torture in service of her mission, with no thought to the damage she was doing. During her time with Finches Team Machine, learns to protect humanity, in spite of its glaring flaws. Shaw evolves from someone utterly detached, to someone with family that she could trust and die for. But there was so much more to learn. And their back-stories!!! Why was Shaw the way she was?  How did Root become Root? We saw snippets but not nearly enough. Person of Interest was about Harold Finch and John Reese for the most part. I loved getting to know them. But what about Root and Shaw, characters even more unique and unpredictable than Finch and Reese?

Beyond their characters, their relationship with each other is rich and complicated. Their respective approaches to humanity and the world (good, bad, violence, freedom, privacy) contrast in a way that there is immense potential for exploration. Their respective skills in espionage, hand to hand combat, enhanced interrogation, and mission strategy represent untapped excitement and plotlines. Their deep love for one another coupled with their emotional limitations is also rich terrain.

And come on, you can’t tell me that you don’t want to see these two women on your screen again.


So how about it?

In the mean time, Amy Acker is on The Gifted on Fox and Sarah Shahi is on Reverie on NBC.

 

Roseanne, If You Don’t Sit Your Nosey @$$ Down Somewhere

"Didn't I Say To Sit Down Somewhere" Update: AMBIEN GIRL??? FOR REALL?? ok, this shit deserves its own post. Coming soon...

Update to the update: Welp, apparently ABC canceled the show so...um...yeah. Good timing in this article, I guess?

Update: On May 29th, we received further evidence to Roseanne Barr's "ain't shitness" when she tweeted "muslim brotherhood and planet of the apes had a baby=VJ". VJ being in reference to Valerie Jarrett, Barack Obama's former advisor. Shout out to Roseanne for proving my below points to be correct. Now take several seats and quit pretending this racist bullshit is funny.

Ok, the Roseanne reboot needs a timeout. Even if I have to drag it to the corner kicking and screaming, I've got to just stick to my guns and remain firm. Do not come out until you have learned your lesson.

The previous episode told me everything I need to know. Roseanne's mom does the whole "I'm going to pretend to kill myself to manipulate you into doing what I want" thing (which, if you have ever grown up with a toxic mother that manipulated you in this way, fair warning, it's cringe-worthy to watch). Dan is doing everything he can to ensure that Darlene's son will need therapy in his push to make him more masculine. Seriously Dan? That birdhouse had some amazing craftsmanship in it. Who cares if it's "feminine" (birdhouses don't have vaginas but whatever let's just gender everything) let the boy live!

So, in episode 7, it starts off with Roseanne spying on her Muslim neighbors through some holes in a rake. Obvious spying aside, I'm gonna just go ahead and tell you everything that's wrong with this episode.

"Aww, Roseanne, your Islamophobia is so cute"

**Spoiler alert, it's not**

There were many times when Roseanne's racist comments were followed by a laugh track. On top of that, the writer's decided to add a side story of Dan being pissed off about a guy hiring "illegals" to do cheaper work.

I'm not gonna argue with you whether I believe that this line of thinking is in line with original Roseanne's thinking. Personally, I always thought as much as they looked the stereotypical blue-collar family, they knew what it was like to be different and didn't pull racist bullshit like that. But that's an argument for another day (I'm just gonna drop a little proof really quick cause I'm a bit of an asshole like that).

What I am going to say, regardless if you feel like this behavior is authentic to the character or not, it is so many levels of "not ok" to make it look cute or funny.

They didn't even truly address her behavior as being wrong or gave her any consequences about it, but I'll get into that later

It shows us why "I'm not racist, I have a black friend/family member/co-worker" does not work

You mean to tell me you got a whole black granddaughter that lives with you and you can't see why assuming your neighbors are terrorists is more than a little messed up? What if you called the police on them? What if that was YOUR granddaughter sleeping in a bulletproof vest every night? But, no, "that's different" Give me a break

The Brown People Know What They're Talking About, But Their Story Gets Overlooked

There was a Skype call to Mary's mom, who is a soldier in Iraq. Roseanne tells her about the neighbors and asks her how can she tell the difference between the good guys and the bad guys. She laughs and tells Roseanne that she has more reason to be afraid of walking around Lanford.

Shit, straight up truth. When black folks are out here getting murdered for something as simple as knocking on a door asking for directions, it's scary as hell out here. But of course, this line goes straight over Roseanne's head

When Roseanne learns her neighbors are from Yemen, she says "oh that country's not even on the travel ban list" to which the Muslim wife answers "Yes, it is"

again, while this line points out Roseanne's ignorance, it's still put off as cute, as if her behavior towards these neighbors don't have the ability to result in some serious consequences. Falsely accusing a Muslim of being a terrorist, especially a family with a small child, is just not ok. There are subtle hints from the family that touches on this, and as a person of color, I picked up on it. But still, I feel like the seriousness of the situation was played off as a joke.

Here Comes Roseanne to Save The Day, Except Not Really

One of the last scenes takes place in a grocery store, where some asshole who works there decides to make snide comments and asking Roseanne to "carry her groceries to her camel"

It's a sucky, mild occurrence that Roseanne felt safe enough to say something. She tells off the girl, Roseanne style, that she was rude and was gonna bring it up to her manager. She does bring up, in the end, that their family has enough fertilizer to blow up the place. While funny, it doesn't...really tell the girl that her assumptions were wrong.

So, at this point, we are supposed to stand and cheer for Roseanne for standing up to that cashier and to that, I say, nah girl, you really didn't do anything.

After this woman leaves the grocery store, her and her family are gonna face even more bullshit from the residents from Lanford. Roseanne, her son is terrified to sleep! That means that the racism they face is way more intense than just a pissy little grocery clerk’s comments.

So, congratulations, you did nothing. You must be so proud.

So, Quinzel, what can we do better?

Like I said in the beginning, Roseanne needs a timeout. There needs to be some reflection on if some of her quirks that are shown as "cute" or "funny" are justifying to others that feel the same way that their racist thoughts and actions are also cute and funny. There is no call to action at the end. No "hey, by the way, if you see someone Islamic being harassed, here's what you can do" at the end. Nothing. There is not enough evidence that the writers, ABC, and Roseanne Barr herself, find this behavior appalling.

Tell me your thoughts on the Roseanne reboot. What did you think about this episode in particular? Leave us a comment and keep the conversation going!

 

That’s for the birds (literally)

I was reading this story on seagulls when I was reminded of my own seagull experience.

I am landlocked for the most part. You can go to upstate Indiana and get to a few beaches there, but I live in the dead center of Indiana.

A group I belonged to in high school (Shout out to Upward Bound!) took us to an amusement park. I forget where at this point, could have been Cedar Point. We get there, and they hand us our lunch, which are ham sandwiches.

I hate ham.

I see a little bird (which I now know was a seagull), and toss him pieces of my bread. He gets closer so I toss him more. Then another bird comes, and another bird comes, and one brazen ass bird comes and yanks the sandwich out of my hand. At this point I notice there are like 12 birds. I start screaming and running like a maniac, while my friend groups, chaperones, and people milling about are staring at me like I’m crazy. Because I resemble the bird lady from Mary Poppins.

 

Eventually security show up, chasing the birds off with the car. Brazen ass bird has flown away with my entire sandwich.

I am older and wiser now. I don’t mess with any birds, and I will go pure ninja warrior on a seagull.

Support This Kickstarter: “How To Draw Black People”

You're probably thinking one of three things:

  • "Whatever, I'm in"
  • "What in the fresh Hell?"
  • "I already know how to draw black people. Source: Am Black"

Cool, cool. So let me break down why you should back this Kickstarter by tearing down all of your excuses.

"Whatever, I'm in"

Great! Wow, that didn't take much convincing. Go to this link and donate. We really want Malikali's goal to be reached by May 31st. Dang, you rock. You get a sticker (seriously, prove to us that you backed it before May 31st and we will send you a free podcast sticker).

"What in the fresh Hell?"

Well, that's an interesting way to say, "Tell me more, Quinzel" So I'll do it.

Listen, Black Panther is taking off and Black and Brown folks are about to be all over your TV. screens. As an artist, you may want to include PoC in your art and if you are conscious about how your characters are portrayed, you want to draw them accurately. Enter, "How to Draw Black People"

Malikali Shabazz is an artist based out of Los Angeles, California that penned the idea of “How to Draw Black People" "The unwritten idea, but tangible logic, that "if you can draw a white person you can draw anyone" just won't cut it anymore." Shabazz says in his Kickstarter bio. And he's right. If you want to have diverse characters, you need to understand their features. And there are some features that are common to each race.

I hear you in the back, guy in the back screaming "We are all the same." Yes deary, so tell me, can I walk into Fantastic Sams and get a retwist done on my dreadlocks? No, didn't think so*.

"Audiences are asking for diversity and authentic characters based on real cultures. The teachings we have now are woefully out of date and never touch on ways to depict more than what lies on the surface." Malikali says.

This isn't your normal "How To" book. It teaches facial features, hairstyles, and so much more. If you're an artist, you need this for your art studyin'.

"I already know how to draw black people. Source: Am Black"

Ok, and while that is a very credible source, I'm gonna still need you to back this Kickstarter. It can still help you if you are an artist. For example, I'm a black female with dreads; I live with this day in and day out. I know every curl, every turn, and every grey hair that I just slip back in there. But if someone asked me to draw someone with a fade, well, I'd be kinda screwed.

And even if you know the ins and outs of every black feature and hairstyle (maybe you're a cosmetologist? I don't know) it's still great to support one of your own who is trying to put out a very important and beneficial piece of work.

So, now that you're out of excuses, get on over to back this Kickstarter toot sweet! We only have until May 31st!

 

*I s2g if you tell me Fantastic Sams twists dreadlocks I will literally fight your lying ass

 

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Jake & Amy

Last night finally gave Brooklyn Nine-Nine fans the event they’d been waiting for since season one: the wedding of Amy Santiago and Jake Peralta. The Peraltiago wedding was basically a given ever since it was revealed that Amy and Jake had a competition going to see who could make the most felony arrests. If television sitcoms have taught us anything it’s that opposites attract, and as soon as they revealed that the laid-back, immature Jake had a crush on the uptight Amy it seemed that here we had our classic will-they-or-won’t-they couple.

On the face of it their relationship shouldn’t have been particularly interesting- we’ve been watching two people who are constantly bickering fall in love for ages, long before Ross and Rachel or even Sam and Diane. But what sets Jake and Amy’s relationship apart and makes it so refreshing is that in this case, opposites do more than just attract. In a classic Sam-and-Diane relationship you have two people with opposite temperaments caught in a situation where the other person’s basic personality drives them insane, but that just makes them want to go to Bone Town even more. In watching those relationships I've always felt that eventually the lust would fade, and all that would be left would be the character traits they despise in each other. In the case of Jake and Amy, you have two people with opposite temperaments who actually fall in love with the traits that make the other person so different from them. Jake appreciates Amy’s attention to detail and finds her constant list-making adorable, just as Amy loves Jake for his breezy personality and dorky jokes. Jake and Amy don’t spend their time bickering and fighting because they are busy supporting each other. They are best friends.

In one of the episodes leading up to the wedding Amy presents Jake with a huge binder of tasks to complete in a specific amount of time. In almost every other classic sitcom relationship this would be met with eye-rolls, frustration, and possibly some sort of wacky scheme to get out of doing the work. Instead Jake immediately leaps into action and ropes in Terry to help, terrified of failing what he sees as a personal test of his worth as a partner. Jake is frequently described as immature, but immaturity for Jake is simply a personality quirk and a defense mechanism. At his core, Jake is a grown-ass man and more importantly, a good man. That's what makes his character's childlike personality endearing instead of insufferable. His only thought is to not let Amy down, and it’s not just about proving himself- it’s about his determination to never disappoint the woman he feels so lucky to be marrying. He vocalizes all of this to Terry, and also tells him he looks up to him as an example of what a husband should be. This is yet another thing that we never see on television- two straight leading men discussing relationships, fears, insecurities, and what makes a good partner. If we got anything close to this in another sitcom they would be sure to make it awkward, then have them save face after by saying something hyper-masculine, or that stupid thing of starting to hug then replacing it with a handshake and vague grunts. But blessedly that is not the world of the Nine-Nine, a world in which a conversation between two men about their feelings can happen without the writers having to make it a joke by no-homo-ing it up.

On the day of the wedding when Amy starts to melt down because some details have gone wrong, Jake doesn’t dismiss her feelings or tell her it’s not a big deal. If something is a big deal to her, it is a big deal to him. When he sees her start to freak out he immediately starts worrying FOR her so that she doesn’t have to. When met with this reaction Amy is able to actually calm down. She knows she’s being heard and that her concerns are being addressed, and that gives her the space to take a breath and trust that she has a partner to help her deal with things. When the stress makes her crave a cigarette Jake pulls out the nicotine patches he brought, because he knows her and he came prepared. He lifts the burden of responsibility from someone who has felt like she is responsible for everything her entire life. He might not always succeed in fixing everything perfectly, but it’s never from lack of trying.

From the start of the episode it felt strange to me that they were having the wedding in the rec center but I couldn’t put my finger on why that was. It was nice enough, and I couldn’t figure out what felt off until it was revealed where the wedding would end up having to take place. Of course it had to be at the Nine-Nine, where it all began. Relocated due to a bomb threat (oh yeah- there was an actual plot with a bomb and everything, maybe I should have included it but it didn’t really feel like the point), at the end Amy walked down an aisle decorated with shredded documents instead of flowers, which was much prettier than it sounds, and Raymond Holt officiated an intimate ceremony attended by the only family that has ever really mattered on the show. Their actual blood families were nowhere to be seen having gone home after the first cancelled ceremony, and it was barely noticeable. Boyle is an emotional mess most of the episode but in the end pulls off the last-minute ceremony for his best friend, Amy has a beautiful white dress to wear courtesy of the fact that Gina had planned on wearing it to the original wedding, and Hitchcock and Scully remain true to their characters by unexpectedly coming through in the end with the task Jake gave them at the start of the day just to get rid of them. Rosa gets to meet someone new (more Gina Rodriguez in season 6 please!) and Terry helps talk her into opening herself up to the possibility of love again. Holt trains his dog Cheddar to be a last-minute ring-bearer before he takes his eyes off him long enough for Cheddar to demolish Jake and Amy’s Nakatomi Plaza wedding cake, but then Holt comes through by getting the bomb-detecting robot that Jake was obsessed with to do the job instead. Everyone plays their part in a way that is funny and also true to their character. Holt tells the couple he loves them both, and also informs them he has moved their honeymoon vacation requests from ‘pending’ to ‘approved’.

Jakes vows are mature and beautiful, but when Amy closes hers by stealing a line Jake joked about putting in his vows when the bomb threat came in and which Amy begged him not to include (“Amy, there was a bomb at this wedding. Ya butt. Your butt is The Bomb.”) Jake loses it and says through tears “I love you so much. You’re my dream girl.” Because Amy actually loved the joke. Of course she did.

I Had PPD So Bad, I Didn’t Even Want To See Black Panther

Yeah girl, it was that bad.

In December I had my first very own geeky baby. I wasn’t due until the end of January, but as it were Geeky Baby was ready to enter.

I won't go into the details of the birth, just imagine I was a first-time mom saying "what?" and "holy fuck" a lot.

But I had some bottles purchased, had some onesies and sleepers laid out and a good stock of diapers. I was prepared.

What I was not prepared for was Postpartum Depression.

On the cusp of the Black Panther premiere, I went from enthusiastically talking about this movie for months to feeling like nothing, not even Black Panther, could give me joy.

When most people think of postpartum depression, they recall some pretty awful news stories that I can't bear to repeat. Even the doctor asks you in a dry tone, "have you had thoughts of harming your child?"

Oh? No. I like GB. It was me I didn't like. Since what I had only known about postpartum was from the media, I didn't think I had it because my feelings weren't toward GB, they were toward me.

I felt hopeless. I felt inadequate. I cried for 4 hours a day. I felt like I was the most awful person and couldn't tell you why I thought that but the feeling was strong. I couldn't eat but I just chalked it up to the nausea.

It wasn't until my husband took notice that I was able to get what I needed.

He kinda got a head start. GB was a preemie and spent a few weeks in the NICU, so the nurses pulled him aside and gave him some signs to watch out for. He comforted me and he took the time to make sure I ate. But when he asked me about buying tickets to Black Panther and I just shrugged, he knew something was really wrong.

So why am I telling you this story? Because as Geeky Girls, we know the things we love and give us joy. Mental illness tries to take that away from us. But if we can stay ahead and know when it’s coming, we can win this fight.

Still, I wasn't enthused about leaving the house. I really did not want to go.

So, I'm gonna offer a bit of advice for anyone struggling with any type of depression: Go Anyway.

After leaving the movie theater, I not only had to thank my husband for pushing me to go, but my best friend who paid for my movie tickets and babysat just so I could go. And she isn't even a big comic fan, she just knew it was important to me.

I walked out refreshed and ready to face the day. It would still take time to see a large improvement in my PPD (I'm doing much better now) but that small thing really made a huge leap in my recovery.

So again. Leave your house. Do it. Don't abandon the things you love. It doesn't resolve it completely, but damn it helps.

So, I'd like to know if any of you have dealt with depression, postpartum or otherwise. Leave a comment and tell me about your coping mechanisms, your support people, and your "aha" moments

If you know someone having issues with postpartum depression, here are some helpful links:

http://www.1800ppdmoms.org/

www.postpartum.net

 

Why You Should Absolutely Live the way Kid Fury Does

If you don't know who Kid Fury is, you need to stop what you're doing right now and listen to The Read Podcast. Kid Fury is not only a certified geek, he is also someone who takes no shit. And, dammit, we should all be like him.

There's a segment in the podcast known as Listener Letters where people write in to get advice, usually on their relationship. While Kid Fury's tried and true advice is to "break up with him" you can't help but know that he's right. Every. Single. Time.

And he's not even just saying that to be funny, you can tell that he adheres to the advice that he gives. Don't waste time with someone who won't treat you right, don't care what people think of you, and for the love of Pete, stand up for yourself!

So now that you know why you should live your life this way

Get a Dog
Ok but seriously, Kid Fury has this cute little dog named Link and she even has her own Instagram. The guys you date may be crappy, but dogs are awesome

Get in Therapy
I love a person who is an advocate for therapy. Because you can't get to a place where you don't have time to deal with fuckboys if you don't first take a look inside of yourself. He openly admits that he goes to therapy and you can tell that his self reflection pays off. After all, he wouldn't continue pursing a relationship with a man that outright refuses to wipe his butt because its "not manly" (yes, that was a real Listener Letter)

Get A Hustle
He often talks about how before The Read, he worked long hours at his day job and then pursued the things he loved at night. Look where he is now.

Find your hustle, even if you can't do it full time now. Start small

Get some prayer
Kid Fury is very religious and connected to God. Even though I myself ran from the church kicking and screaming, I can really appreciate his belief system and apply it to myself. Because the universe is always looking out for you.