I Need a Person of Interest’s Root and Shaw Spin Off

As a dyed in the wool geek, I want a lot of things. I want Bae Doona to have her own series as a Batman-esque dark avenger with a complicated past but instead of Alfred she has a super sexy wife who builds all of her tech. I want John Barrowman to guest on Supernatural, and flirt so outrageously with Castiel that Dean Winchester finally confesses his true feelings for his angel.

And I really really want Root and Shaw from Person of Interest to get their own show. Or movie!

 

You’re sensing a pattern. Super gay. But in my defense, we need more quality LGBT content.  We also need Root and Shaw, no matter their sexual orientation. Even in the crowded field of quality shows, a Root and Shaw spinoff would be a stand out among stand outs. The characters are nuanced and magnetic. The actors are incredible. The themes of government surveillance, data security, global spy networks, and terrorism are more relevant every day. The themes of found family and underdogs fighting the odds are inspiring and relatable.  The format has the potential for action sequences that would make you stand up off the couch. And the chemistry between those two -- holy lord. Grab your fans, your glass of water, whatever you need because you’re going to be parched.

Root and Shaw are two characters from the late great CBS tv drama Person of Interest. If you have seen the Person of Interest all the way until the end, I can hear the question mark above your head. Don’t worry. It’s tv. We can fix it.

And if you haven’t seen the show, here is the premise. Person of Interest is based in NYC after the attacks on the twin towers. After 9/11 (in the show, though this is #tooreal) the American government hires a tech genius to build them an artificial intelligence to predict acts of terror. There is nothing supernatural about it.  People who are going to commit acts of terror do certain things. They buy burner cell phones, open bank accounts, visit sketchy websites, etc. Add in video cameras everywhere, and ‘The Machine’ (the AI entity the government builds) can predict any premeditated acts of murder.

Harold Finch, the genius who builds the machine for the CIA, quickly realizes something disturbing. The machine doesn’t distinguish between terror murder, and regular ol murdery murder. But the CIA has neither the interest nor the resources to do anything about the run of the mill impending murders. So, the information on the regular murders are destroyed at the end of every day, leaving people to die when they could have been saved.  At some point, Harold can’t live with himself so he recruits a deadpan, laconic, former special forces badass named John Reese. Harold does the tech genius bit, John does the stalking/rescuing. Their unlikely friendship (more than friendship?subtext?) is a source of sheer enjoyment. Detective Carter, their friend on the force (perfection that is Taraji P Henson) helps them from the NYPD side of things. There’s also Lionel, but he’s a bit of a wild card.

In the first season, the show is more like ‘case of the week’. But befitting the rich, complex topics of AI, spying, data security, rogue government agencies, and international intrigue, things become complicated fast.

Enter Root. Root is a hacker at Harold’s level of genius. She is interested in Harold’s Machine. But while Harold has a deep sense of caution regarding the machine he built -- he tries hard to keep it from getting too much information that could be catastrophic in the wrong hands--Root is in love with the machine.  She abhors the evil that humans inflict upon one another (she calls terrible people ‘bad code’) and she sees The Machine as the answer to the problem of us (people). She adores Harold for creating the machine but is totally perplexed and even outraged as to why he doesn’t trust his creation. Looking around at humanity, it is hard to argue with her many salient points. But it is easy to argue with her methods and doubt her values. In theory she is disgusted by evil. But she does terrible things in service to the machine. It begs the question: for Root, is the machine a path to good? Or is the machine (instead of humans) the good? Because those are two very different things, and one is incredibly sinister if you happen to value humanity.

Root is an enigmatic, layered character played with intellectual ferocity by Amy Acker. And when Root gets hooked into the machine and starts following her intel, the combination of woman/machine is exhilarating.  The machine knows when a murder is going to occur, so Root finds a way to pipe The Machine’s ‘feed’ into her ear. The Machine is practically all-seeing, and gets Root out of seemingly unsolvable situations. I will never ever tire  of watching Root step into a crowded hallway on orders of The Machine. As bullets fly around her, Root walks in a perfectly straight line, face serene, pulling triggers on the guns in both of her hands. Her trust that the machine will keep her safe is unshakable. She is taking down murderers and terrorists left and right all while feeding intel back to Harold. She tries not to kill people because Harold is quite fond of humans, and she is now part of his Machine team. But she herself is a damn machine.

Now let’s talk about Shaw. She is another fascinating, exciting character. Shaw works for the Other side of The Machine --  the main feed that predicts terror and sends data directly to the CIA. Shaw is essentially a CIA assassin. She took the job because she is good at it.  Shaw has never felt emotions the way other people do. Flashbacks show her standing next to a car crash as a child, being completely unphased by the death of her parents. She creeps out an adult there to help her,  who is expecting a human emotional reaction from the child. That’s the story of Shaw’s life. It’s why she doesn’t succeed as a doctor. She literally disturbs her patients with her inappropriate emotional responses and lack of affect. So she ends up doing a job that would torture others, because it simply doesn’t bother her: assassin. But while Sameen Shaw may not feel the same way others do, she does value things. She values loyalty. She values honesty. And when her partner is slaughtered by the CIA she is unwilling to accept it. And because of who she is, she has very little compunction about cutting a swath of violence to punish her bosses. She doesn’t angst over it. She doesn’t worry. She doesn’t fear them. She just does what she needs to do to teach them not to fuck with her.

Being on the outs with her bosses, she reluctantly becomes a part of John and Harold’s crew. It takes a whole lot of convincing. She’s not really into their mission. She isn’t a hero. But what else is she going to do? Where else will she fit in? She’s their “petite Persian sociopath” and boy does she up their game. Shaw has skills. She is brutal, decisive, resourceful, and punctual. (Ms. Shaw may be violent and uncommunicative, but she is never tardy! -- Harold Finch) And she shares an enthusiastic love of melodramatic violence -- think rocket launchers in broad daylight--with the laconic John Reese. Root dubs Reese and Shaw “The Mayhem Twins” and their partnership is truly delightful. Shaw has a sardonic nickname for Reese for every day of the week, with Root jumping in on the fun.  

Sarah Shahi’s interpretation of Sameen Shaw is a constant delight. She inhabits her with such complete comfort that you feel Sameen Shaw is real. She plays Shaw’s sociopathy (of course whether she is strictly a sociopath is arguable) with incredibly subtlety and even humor. Shaw is completely unaware of how she comes across to other people. She is so disconnected from social norms. She is the awkwardest little turtle for a woman who could kill you with her bare hands. Maybe even hand. She doesn’t need much to kill you. And Shaw kickboxing the shit out of someone while wearing a ball gown is my entire sexual orientation. Just so you know.

When Shaw and Root first meet, I was not a fan of their romantic pairing.  I already wanted to protect Shaw, and Root tortures her for information in their first scene together. Relationships shouldn’t start with torture, don’t @ me.  However, Shaw is a little different than your average woman. She also tortures and kills and this is just another day at work for her. But they are not off to a good start. They seem at opposite ends of the spectrum. Root vibrates with ideals. In the beginning, those ideals are dysfunctional and misanthropic, but they fill her and spill out onto everyone around her. Root’s eyes brim wonder when she talks to Harold about The Machine. She can picture a better world and she will stop at nothing to make it happen. These type of emotions don’t necessarily bother Shaw, but the expectation that she should be able to respond in kind, does bother her. Shaw would like to back away from your grand dreams so she can get back to her sandwich. Her sandwich doesn’t expect her to respond with an appropriate emotional affect.

Shaw never expected anything from the world, so how could she have dreams for its destiny? She loves food. She loves the dog (Bear, the former combat dog that only responds to Dutch commands) and she does her job. Other than that, she’d like to be left alone.  But her new job with the Machine’s squad starts to change her. She experiences the gratitude of people whose lives she saves. At first she finds it incredibly off putting. But at one point the gratitude of a child pierces her abject inability to empathize. It’s like a lighthouse piercing fog.  It’s not complete, but it is something. It gets her attention. She starts to grasp what she is doing for people, and it reveals possibilities for who she could be in the world. Also, the acceptance of her new rag-tag weirdo family starts to work on her psyche. She starts noticing that no one cares that she’s a bit off. No one cares that she is emotionally stunted. They have her back. They show up for her time after time after time. And when she shows up for them they are grateful. Which she has a hard time accepting. Her life is transactional. She’s not sure what do do with feelings. But she notices them, and she understands that she now has a family. It is a loyal, badass family that would do anything for her. She can trust them with her life. And after the betrayals she has endured, that means something to her. In fact, it affects her profoundly. She isn’t capable of verbally  acknowledging her appreciation of them. But before she herself notices it, she would lay down her life for them.

And Root starts falling in love with her. Of course she does. And in true Root style, she gushes out her feelings. Root is unfiltered. She is raw. She feels from the top of her head down to her toes, whether that is wrath, rage, disgust, or love of Sameen Shaw.

Shaw resists. Of course she does. Accepting Root’s feelings requires her to respond to them. And she doesn’t know how to do that.

But Root sees something in her. She sees Shaw’s  beating heart and she knows Shaw has zero idea what to do with it or how to reach out. So Root all but shouts from the rooftops that she is willing to do all the work. Root will find and meet her where she is. Root will jump off the cliff with no net and all Shaw has to do is open her arms. Shaw starts to find inches of courage. Even a silence or a ‘maybe’ instead of a no. But you can see her defenses start to slide down. Root and Shaw are both socially inept in their own ways. Root too raw, Shaw too withdrawn. So for them,  connecting consists of many false starts and awkward pauses. But boy oh boy when they get there. These two women, with their scars and trauma and tenacity, who belong to this little weirdo family and share a mission to keep the world free, these two women have chemistry that just explodes. It is a slow burn that flows to lava.

But all of these amazing developments? They happen in the last season! They are cut so short when there is so much more story to tell. Person of Interest may have come to a close but Root and Shaw were just getting started. Root started out a woman who felt self righteous enough to kidnap and torture in service of her mission, with no thought to the damage she was doing. During her time with Finches Team Machine, learns to protect humanity, in spite of its glaring flaws. Shaw evolves from someone utterly detached, to someone with family that she could trust and die for. But there was so much more to learn. And their back-stories!!! Why was Shaw the way she was?  How did Root become Root? We saw snippets but not nearly enough. Person of Interest was about Harold Finch and John Reese for the most part. I loved getting to know them. But what about Root and Shaw, characters even more unique and unpredictable than Finch and Reese?

Beyond their characters, their relationship with each other is rich and complicated. Their respective approaches to humanity and the world (good, bad, violence, freedom, privacy) contrast in a way that there is immense potential for exploration. Their respective skills in espionage, hand to hand combat, enhanced interrogation, and mission strategy represent untapped excitement and plotlines. Their deep love for one another coupled with their emotional limitations is also rich terrain.

And come on, you can’t tell me that you don’t want to see these two women on your screen again.


So how about it?

In the mean time, Amy Acker is on The Gifted on Fox and Sarah Shahi is on Reverie on NBC.

 

Roseanne, If You Don’t Sit Your Nosey @$$ Down Somewhere

"Didn't I Say To Sit Down Somewhere" Update: AMBIEN GIRL??? FOR REALL?? ok, this shit deserves its own post. Coming soon...

Update to the update: Welp, apparently ABC canceled the show so...um...yeah. Good timing in this article, I guess?

Update: On May 29th, we received further evidence to Roseanne Barr's "ain't shitness" when she tweeted "muslim brotherhood and planet of the apes had a baby=VJ". VJ being in reference to Valerie Jarrett, Barack Obama's former advisor. Shout out to Roseanne for proving my below points to be correct. Now take several seats and quit pretending this racist bullshit is funny.

Ok, the Roseanne reboot needs a timeout. Even if I have to drag it to the corner kicking and screaming, I've got to just stick to my guns and remain firm. Do not come out until you have learned your lesson.

The previous episode told me everything I need to know. Roseanne's mom does the whole "I'm going to pretend to kill myself to manipulate you into doing what I want" thing (which, if you have ever grown up with a toxic mother that manipulated you in this way, fair warning, it's cringe-worthy to watch). Dan is doing everything he can to ensure that Darlene's son will need therapy in his push to make him more masculine. Seriously Dan? That birdhouse had some amazing craftsmanship in it. Who cares if it's "feminine" (birdhouses don't have vaginas but whatever let's just gender everything) let the boy live!

So, in episode 7, it starts off with Roseanne spying on her Muslim neighbors through some holes in a rake. Obvious spying aside, I'm gonna just go ahead and tell you everything that's wrong with this episode.

"Aww, Roseanne, your Islamophobia is so cute"

**Spoiler alert, it's not**

There were many times when Roseanne's racist comments were followed by a laugh track. On top of that, the writer's decided to add a side story of Dan being pissed off about a guy hiring "illegals" to do cheaper work.

I'm not gonna argue with you whether I believe that this line of thinking is in line with original Roseanne's thinking. Personally, I always thought as much as they looked the stereotypical blue-collar family, they knew what it was like to be different and didn't pull racist bullshit like that. But that's an argument for another day (I'm just gonna drop a little proof really quick cause I'm a bit of an asshole like that).

What I am going to say, regardless if you feel like this behavior is authentic to the character or not, it is so many levels of "not ok" to make it look cute or funny.

They didn't even truly address her behavior as being wrong or gave her any consequences about it, but I'll get into that later

It shows us why "I'm not racist, I have a black friend/family member/co-worker" does not work

You mean to tell me you got a whole black granddaughter that lives with you and you can't see why assuming your neighbors are terrorists is more than a little messed up? What if you called the police on them? What if that was YOUR granddaughter sleeping in a bulletproof vest every night? But, no, "that's different" Give me a break

The Brown People Know What They're Talking About, But Their Story Gets Overlooked

There was a Skype call to Mary's mom, who is a soldier in Iraq. Roseanne tells her about the neighbors and asks her how can she tell the difference between the good guys and the bad guys. She laughs and tells Roseanne that she has more reason to be afraid of walking around Lanford.

Shit, straight up truth. When black folks are out here getting murdered for something as simple as knocking on a door asking for directions, it's scary as hell out here. But of course, this line goes straight over Roseanne's head

When Roseanne learns her neighbors are from Yemen, she says "oh that country's not even on the travel ban list" to which the Muslim wife answers "Yes, it is"

again, while this line points out Roseanne's ignorance, it's still put off as cute, as if her behavior towards these neighbors don't have the ability to result in some serious consequences. Falsely accusing a Muslim of being a terrorist, especially a family with a small child, is just not ok. There are subtle hints from the family that touches on this, and as a person of color, I picked up on it. But still, I feel like the seriousness of the situation was played off as a joke.

Here Comes Roseanne to Save The Day, Except Not Really

One of the last scenes takes place in a grocery store, where some asshole who works there decides to make snide comments and asking Roseanne to "carry her groceries to her camel"

It's a sucky, mild occurrence that Roseanne felt safe enough to say something. She tells off the girl, Roseanne style, that she was rude and was gonna bring it up to her manager. She does bring up, in the end, that their family has enough fertilizer to blow up the place. While funny, it doesn't...really tell the girl that her assumptions were wrong.

So, at this point, we are supposed to stand and cheer for Roseanne for standing up to that cashier and to that, I say, nah girl, you really didn't do anything.

After this woman leaves the grocery store, her and her family are gonna face even more bullshit from the residents from Lanford. Roseanne, her son is terrified to sleep! That means that the racism they face is way more intense than just a pissy little grocery clerk’s comments.

So, congratulations, you did nothing. You must be so proud.

So, Quinzel, what can we do better?

Like I said in the beginning, Roseanne needs a timeout. There needs to be some reflection on if some of her quirks that are shown as "cute" or "funny" are justifying to others that feel the same way that their racist thoughts and actions are also cute and funny. There is no call to action at the end. No "hey, by the way, if you see someone Islamic being harassed, here's what you can do" at the end. Nothing. There is not enough evidence that the writers, ABC, and Roseanne Barr herself, find this behavior appalling.

Tell me your thoughts on the Roseanne reboot. What did you think about this episode in particular? Leave us a comment and keep the conversation going!

 

That’s for the birds (literally)

I was reading this story on seagulls when I was reminded of my own seagull experience.

I am landlocked for the most part. You can go to upstate Indiana and get to a few beaches there, but I live in the dead center of Indiana.

A group I belonged to in high school (Shout out to Upward Bound!) took us to an amusement park. I forget where at this point, could have been Cedar Point. We get there, and they hand us our lunch, which are ham sandwiches.

I hate ham.

I see a little bird (which I now know was a seagull), and toss him pieces of my bread. He gets closer so I toss him more. Then another bird comes, and another bird comes, and one brazen ass bird comes and yanks the sandwich out of my hand. At this point I notice there are like 12 birds. I start screaming and running like a maniac, while my friend groups, chaperones, and people milling about are staring at me like I’m crazy. Because I resemble the bird lady from Mary Poppins.

 

Eventually security show up, chasing the birds off with the car. Brazen ass bird has flown away with my entire sandwich.

I am older and wiser now. I don’t mess with any birds, and I will go pure ninja warrior on a seagull.

Support This Kickstarter: “How To Draw Black People”

You're probably thinking one of three things:

  • "Whatever, I'm in"
  • "What in the fresh Hell?"
  • "I already know how to draw black people. Source: Am Black"

Cool, cool. So let me break down why you should back this Kickstarter by tearing down all of your excuses.

"Whatever, I'm in"

Great! Wow, that didn't take much convincing. Go to this link and donate. We really want Malikali's goal to be reached by May 31st. Dang, you rock. You get a sticker (seriously, prove to us that you backed it before May 31st and we will send you a free podcast sticker).

"What in the fresh Hell?"

Well, that's an interesting way to say, "Tell me more, Quinzel" So I'll do it.

Listen, Black Panther is taking off and Black and Brown folks are about to be all over your TV. screens. As an artist, you may want to include PoC in your art and if you are conscious about how your characters are portrayed, you want to draw them accurately. Enter, "How to Draw Black People"

Malikali Shabazz is an artist based out of Los Angeles, California that penned the idea of “How to Draw Black People" "The unwritten idea, but tangible logic, that "if you can draw a white person you can draw anyone" just won't cut it anymore." Shabazz says in his Kickstarter bio. And he's right. If you want to have diverse characters, you need to understand their features. And there are some features that are common to each race.

I hear you in the back, guy in the back screaming "We are all the same." Yes deary, so tell me, can I walk into Fantastic Sams and get a retwist done on my dreadlocks? No, didn't think so*.

"Audiences are asking for diversity and authentic characters based on real cultures. The teachings we have now are woefully out of date and never touch on ways to depict more than what lies on the surface." Malikali says.

This isn't your normal "How To" book. It teaches facial features, hairstyles, and so much more. If you're an artist, you need this for your art studyin'.

"I already know how to draw black people. Source: Am Black"

Ok, and while that is a very credible source, I'm gonna still need you to back this Kickstarter. It can still help you if you are an artist. For example, I'm a black female with dreads; I live with this day in and day out. I know every curl, every turn, and every grey hair that I just slip back in there. But if someone asked me to draw someone with a fade, well, I'd be kinda screwed.

And even if you know the ins and outs of every black feature and hairstyle (maybe you're a cosmetologist? I don't know) it's still great to support one of your own who is trying to put out a very important and beneficial piece of work.

So, now that you're out of excuses, get on over to back this Kickstarter toot sweet! We only have until May 31st!

 

*I s2g if you tell me Fantastic Sams twists dreadlocks I will literally fight your lying ass

 

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Jake & Amy

Last night finally gave Brooklyn Nine-Nine fans the event they’d been waiting for since season one: the wedding of Amy Santiago and Jake Peralta. The Peraltiago wedding was basically a given ever since it was revealed that Amy and Jake had a competition going to see who could make the most felony arrests. If television sitcoms have taught us anything it’s that opposites attract, and as soon as they revealed that the laid-back, immature Jake had a crush on the uptight Amy it seemed that here we had our classic will-they-or-won’t-they couple.

On the face of it their relationship shouldn’t have been particularly interesting- we’ve been watching two people who are constantly bickering fall in love for ages, long before Ross and Rachel or even Sam and Diane. But what sets Jake and Amy’s relationship apart and makes it so refreshing is that in this case, opposites do more than just attract. In a classic Sam-and-Diane relationship you have two people with opposite temperaments caught in a situation where the other person’s basic personality drives them insane, but that just makes them want to go to Bone Town even more. In watching those relationships I've always felt that eventually the lust would fade, and all that would be left would be the character traits they despise in each other. In the case of Jake and Amy, you have two people with opposite temperaments who actually fall in love with the traits that make the other person so different from them. Jake appreciates Amy’s attention to detail and finds her constant list-making adorable, just as Amy loves Jake for his breezy personality and dorky jokes. Jake and Amy don’t spend their time bickering and fighting because they are busy supporting each other. They are best friends.

In one of the episodes leading up to the wedding Amy presents Jake with a huge binder of tasks to complete in a specific amount of time. In almost every other classic sitcom relationship this would be met with eye-rolls, frustration, and possibly some sort of wacky scheme to get out of doing the work. Instead Jake immediately leaps into action and ropes in Terry to help, terrified of failing what he sees as a personal test of his worth as a partner. Jake is frequently described as immature, but immaturity for Jake is simply a personality quirk and a defense mechanism. At his core, Jake is a grown-ass man and more importantly, a good man. That's what makes his character's childlike personality endearing instead of insufferable. His only thought is to not let Amy down, and it’s not just about proving himself- it’s about his determination to never disappoint the woman he feels so lucky to be marrying. He vocalizes all of this to Terry, and also tells him he looks up to him as an example of what a husband should be. This is yet another thing that we never see on television- two straight leading men discussing relationships, fears, insecurities, and what makes a good partner. If we got anything close to this in another sitcom they would be sure to make it awkward, then have them save face after by saying something hyper-masculine, or that stupid thing of starting to hug then replacing it with a handshake and vague grunts. But blessedly that is not the world of the Nine-Nine, a world in which a conversation between two men about their feelings can happen without the writers having to make it a joke by no-homo-ing it up.

On the day of the wedding when Amy starts to melt down because some details have gone wrong, Jake doesn’t dismiss her feelings or tell her it’s not a big deal. If something is a big deal to her, it is a big deal to him. When he sees her start to freak out he immediately starts worrying FOR her so that she doesn’t have to. When met with this reaction Amy is able to actually calm down. She knows she’s being heard and that her concerns are being addressed, and that gives her the space to take a breath and trust that she has a partner to help her deal with things. When the stress makes her crave a cigarette Jake pulls out the nicotine patches he brought, because he knows her and he came prepared. He lifts the burden of responsibility from someone who has felt like she is responsible for everything her entire life. He might not always succeed in fixing everything perfectly, but it’s never from lack of trying.

From the start of the episode it felt strange to me that they were having the wedding in the rec center but I couldn’t put my finger on why that was. It was nice enough, and I couldn’t figure out what felt off until it was revealed where the wedding would end up having to take place. Of course it had to be at the Nine-Nine, where it all began. Relocated due to a bomb threat (oh yeah- there was an actual plot with a bomb and everything, maybe I should have included it but it didn’t really feel like the point), at the end Amy walked down an aisle decorated with shredded documents instead of flowers, which was much prettier than it sounds, and Raymond Holt officiated an intimate ceremony attended by the only family that has ever really mattered on the show. Their actual blood families were nowhere to be seen having gone home after the first cancelled ceremony, and it was barely noticeable. Boyle is an emotional mess most of the episode but in the end pulls off the last-minute ceremony for his best friend, Amy has a beautiful white dress to wear courtesy of the fact that Gina had planned on wearing it to the original wedding, and Hitchcock and Scully remain true to their characters by unexpectedly coming through in the end with the task Jake gave them at the start of the day just to get rid of them. Rosa gets to meet someone new (more Gina Rodriguez in season 6 please!) and Terry helps talk her into opening herself up to the possibility of love again. Holt trains his dog Cheddar to be a last-minute ring-bearer before he takes his eyes off him long enough for Cheddar to demolish Jake and Amy’s Nakatomi Plaza wedding cake, but then Holt comes through by getting the bomb-detecting robot that Jake was obsessed with to do the job instead. Everyone plays their part in a way that is funny and also true to their character. Holt tells the couple he loves them both, and also informs them he has moved their honeymoon vacation requests from ‘pending’ to ‘approved’.

Jakes vows are mature and beautiful, but when Amy closes hers by stealing a line Jake joked about putting in his vows when the bomb threat came in and which Amy begged him not to include (“Amy, there was a bomb at this wedding. Ya butt. Your butt is The Bomb.”) Jake loses it and says through tears “I love you so much. You’re my dream girl.” Because Amy actually loved the joke. Of course she did.

I Had PPD So Bad, I Didn’t Even Want To See Black Panther

Yeah girl, it was that bad.

In December I had my first very own geeky baby. I wasn’t due until the end of January, but as it were Geeky Baby was ready to enter.

I won't go into the details of the birth, just imagine I was a first-time mom saying "what?" and "holy fuck" a lot.

But I had some bottles purchased, had some onesies and sleepers laid out and a good stock of diapers. I was prepared.

What I was not prepared for was Postpartum Depression.

On the cusp of the Black Panther premiere, I went from enthusiastically talking about this movie for months to feeling like nothing, not even Black Panther, could give me joy.

When most people think of postpartum depression, they recall some pretty awful news stories that I can't bear to repeat. Even the doctor asks you in a dry tone, "have you had thoughts of harming your child?"

Oh? No. I like GB. It was me I didn't like. Since what I had only known about postpartum was from the media, I didn't think I had it because my feelings weren't toward GB, they were toward me.

I felt hopeless. I felt inadequate. I cried for 4 hours a day. I felt like I was the most awful person and couldn't tell you why I thought that but the feeling was strong. I couldn't eat but I just chalked it up to the nausea.

It wasn't until my husband took notice that I was able to get what I needed.

He kinda got a head start. GB was a preemie and spent a few weeks in the NICU, so the nurses pulled him aside and gave him some signs to watch out for. He comforted me and he took the time to make sure I ate. But when he asked me about buying tickets to Black Panther and I just shrugged, he knew something was really wrong.

So why am I telling you this story? Because as Geeky Girls, we know the things we love and give us joy. Mental illness tries to take that away from us. But if we can stay ahead and know when it’s coming, we can win this fight.

Still, I wasn't enthused about leaving the house. I really did not want to go.

So, I'm gonna offer a bit of advice for anyone struggling with any type of depression: Go Anyway.

After leaving the movie theater, I not only had to thank my husband for pushing me to go, but my best friend who paid for my movie tickets and babysat just so I could go. And she isn't even a big comic fan, she just knew it was important to me.

I walked out refreshed and ready to face the day. It would still take time to see a large improvement in my PPD (I'm doing much better now) but that small thing really made a huge leap in my recovery.

So again. Leave your house. Do it. Don't abandon the things you love. It doesn't resolve it completely, but damn it helps.

So, I'd like to know if any of you have dealt with depression, postpartum or otherwise. Leave a comment and tell me about your coping mechanisms, your support people, and your "aha" moments

If you know someone having issues with postpartum depression, here are some helpful links:

http://www.1800ppdmoms.org/

www.postpartum.net

 

Why You Should Absolutely Live the way Kid Fury Does

If you don't know who Kid Fury is, you need to stop what you're doing right now and listen to The Read Podcast. Kid Fury is not only a certified geek, he is also someone who takes no shit. And, dammit, we should all be like him.

There's a segment in the podcast known as Listener Letters where people write in to get advice, usually on their relationship. While Kid Fury's tried and true advice is to "break up with him" you can't help but know that he's right. Every. Single. Time.

And he's not even just saying that to be funny, you can tell that he adheres to the advice that he gives. Don't waste time with someone who won't treat you right, don't care what people think of you, and for the love of Pete, stand up for yourself!

So now that you know why you should live your life this way

Get a Dog
Ok but seriously, Kid Fury has this cute little dog named Link and she even has her own Instagram. The guys you date may be crappy, but dogs are awesome

Get in Therapy
I love a person who is an advocate for therapy. Because you can't get to a place where you don't have time to deal with fuckboys if you don't first take a look inside of yourself. He openly admits that he goes to therapy and you can tell that his self reflection pays off. After all, he wouldn't continue pursing a relationship with a man that outright refuses to wipe his butt because its "not manly" (yes, that was a real Listener Letter)

Get A Hustle
He often talks about how before The Read, he worked long hours at his day job and then pursued the things he loved at night. Look where he is now.

Find your hustle, even if you can't do it full time now. Start small

Get some prayer
Kid Fury is very religious and connected to God. Even though I myself ran from the church kicking and screaming, I can really appreciate his belief system and apply it to myself. Because the universe is always looking out for you.

Geeky Girl Self Care: Love Yourself by…Loving Yourself (Yes I’m Talking About Masturbation)

Editor here: This isn't a kiddie entry, so you may want to get prying eyes away from the screen. Also, we were not sponsored for this review, nor were we given any sex toys. Though none of us would turn them down amirite?!

 

Here's the thing. We all know self care is important. And I'll be frank, you always know the best way to get yourself off. So have no shame in lighting some candles, turning on some music, and making yourself feel good.

Now, for some of us Geeky Girls, the world of sex toys can be overwhelming, and a little racist at that. Not gonna lie, its kinda weird to see the Fat Chocolate Cock dildo with Realistic Black Balls and not feel a little odd about it.

So, whats a geeky girl to do to get her groove on. Luckily, I stole my internet browser's innocence so you didnt have to.

I came across Geeky Sex Toys and honestly, I just thought it was one of those products that were available for cheesy puns and giggles, but actually the materials used to create the toys are of the highest quality.

They have toys for all kinks and all fandoms. Actually the latest line is based on the Avenger: Infinity War movie. There's toys for anal play, strapping on, and yes, an Incredible Hulk dildo that is just as girthy as it is punny.

So yeah, for some good old fashioned self care, take care of yourself and head over to Geeky Sex Toys.

Did you see anything that you want to buy? What do you think of their products? Leave us a comment and tell us if you notice the Iron Man butt plug lights up (yes, girl, yes).

Entering From Stage Left, Guest Writer Quinzel Lee Takes The Stage

Leslie here. I would like to introduce you to my buddy Quinzel Lee. She is here to fill your life with nerdy weirdness. I love her. You should too. Take it away Quinzel!

 

Hi there, I’m Quinzel Lee, ready to rock your mix-matched socks off with some geekery. I also enjoy romantic dinners and long walks to the bank.

The ladies of Geeky Girls Guide to Life have allowed me to drop in from time to time as a guest writer. They felt it was best that I warn you about what you’re getting into.

A little about me, I currently write for DontHateTheGeek.Com with geeky news, reviews, and op eds. However, if you want me to be a little more…me…stay tuned for my guest articles here. You can also catch me on the Twitter-verse @quinzelee . Give me a shout, a hashtag, or even just a hashbrown from McDonalds, I'm not picky

What kind of music do I like? All. Yes, my answer is all. Yes, including country. Yes, also including rap. Do you need a definition of all?

My current obsessions include Jessica Jones, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, The Read podcast, and analyzing every bit of pop culture. I love coming across weird statistics like how many pounds of catfish do people in America consume daily on average (seriously, I want to know). I listen to Sword and Scale podcast, which I DO NOT recommend if you sleep alone. And my Snuggie is prepped and ready for a Hulu or Netflix marathon at any moment.

Did you follow all that? See why I needed to warn you? So look out for content from me, Quinzel Lee. I can guarantee that it will be a wang dang doodle of a good time.

Hello

Greetings my new friends! I am excited to join the team here as a contributor and I hope to entertain each and every one of you with my shouting. There are so many books, movies, and television shows that I plan to talk about individually, but it was too difficult to choose only one to kick off my contributions here. So I didn’t! Instead I made a list of 35 television episodes that I think are worth talking about. This list is in no way comprehensive but it should definitely give you an idea of the things I will be writing about, and in what way I will be writing about them (for instance I am more than a wee bit sweary so apologies in advance if that is not your jam). I am saving discussion of the problematic elements of some of these shows for individual posts or this list would be a novel. In the future I will be ranting a-plenty, but I’ve decided to kick things off on a positive note. These are not necessarily my favorite episodes, but rather the first ones that popped into my brain when I thought about the show in question. I've listed them in no particular order really, but the last two are my favorite shows of all time so there's that.

Let's do this.

30 Rock: Sandwich Day

30 Rock is a great show, but it will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me that the episode I relate to more than any other is the one that revolves around sandwiches. There are so many shows I watch where the protagonists never seem to eat, or if they do they are coolly disinterested in the entire process. They often have to be reminded to eat by concerned family and friends to illustrate how tortured they are. That might be someone's experience but it sure as hell isn't mine. Liz Lemon loves food. Food is her therapy, her friend, and her father confessor. Liz kept repeatedly taking her ex-boyfriend Dennis back because despite all of his douchebaggery, every time she came home exhausted from work he had food waiting for her. Liz eats cheese at night and sings about it. She doesn't understand why men offer to buy her drinks in bars and not mozzarella sticks. And when faced with the choice between chasing the man she loves through an airport and enjoying the delicious, perfect sandwich she only gets once a year from a mystery location, she refuses to choose. Because food is important. Because goddamn it, we can have it all.

Honorable Mention:  Emanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land because there's only one Wesley Snipes in the world.

Sex and the City: The Post-It Always Sticks Twice

Sex and the City was not a particularly consistent show, and it wasn't even a show that I loved. I liked it a lot. There were bits of it I disliked and bits of it I thought were absolutely brilliant. But this episode is classic. Things had been shaky between Carrie and her sullen writer boyfriend (played so wonderfully by Ron Livingston it was hard for me not to dislike his face forever afterwards), and he-of-the-fragile-masculinity finally decides to end it for good one morning. She wakes up after a night together to find him gone, and a post-it note on the table that says simply, "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me".  Carrie is furious and decides that all four of the close friends are hitting the town and having an epic night because "This can’t be the day that I was broken up with by a post-it. This has to be the day that something else happened". Hijinks ensue, obviously. The episode is clever and heartfelt and was for me, the funniest the show has ever been.

Honorable Mention:  Coulda Woulda Shoulda because the end makes me cry every time.

Parks & Recreation: The Fight

Parks & Rec is everything a television comedy should be. Funny, poignant, smart, silly, and frequently inspiring. But I didn't even have to think about this one because for me there will never be anything funnier than these characters when they are drunk and/or hungover. Here Tom talks all of them into coming out to his nightclub where he and the always hysterical Jean-Ralphio are promoting their new alcoholic beverage- Snake Juice- which is, as Donna points out, "basically rat poison". Everyone who drinks it becomes wasted almost instantly. Leslie and Ann have their very first fight and it's every bit as ridiculous as you could imagine. From nonsensical insults to angry dancing, it is a fight that only two of the nicest people on Earth could have. Meanwhile this episode also blesses us with April & Andy's alter-egos (Janet Snakehole and FBI agent Burt Macklin) and Ron Swanson dancing around manically in a tiny hat. What more could I ask for.

Honorable Mention:  Ron and Tammys because Paula Pell is a treasure and again- drunk Leslie.

Scrubs: My Way Home

I've worked in hospitals since 1997 so I can tell you that Scrubs is the most accurate medical show that has ever been on television. If you want to know what the life of a resident physician is like, look no further. J.D. has a single, precious day off, and the episode begins with him in a bubble bath listening to Toto (I'm sorry, how do YOU spend your days off??). Then he gets paged in to the hospital for something inane that could have been handled over the phone (real). Then while trying to leave he gets waylaid over and over by nurses, patients, and friends all needing his help (REAL). He just wants to leave but at the same time, he has no real personal life to get back to anymore. The hospital has become his home and his family, and he can't desert anyone in it or say no. That's why Scrubs can do something fantastical, like pattern an entire episode after The Wizard of Oz, and still be so realistic. Because that show understood the way your life gets absorbed into residency until there is literally nothing else left. There is a reason most doctors marry nurses, drug reps, or other doctors- because no one on the outside really understands what the life entails. It's not a job, it's an existence. And everything else will always, always come second. Even your own sanity.

Honorable Mention:  My Fallen Idol because there is no physician alive with more of a conscience than Perry Cox, and this episode showed the tragic downside of that.

The Wire: Cleaning Up

The Wire is brilliant and everyone knows this. For me this episode choice is not about "favorite", or even best, episodes or seasons. This is about my heart breaking in half hearing D'Angelo say "Where's Wallace? Where's Wallace, String?" That scene will follow me always. It hurts. The whole thing hurts. Instead of clear-cut villains, I hurt for Bodie right along with Wallace. That was the moment I sat up and went holy shit, this show is going to ruin me. And I was right.

Honorable Mention:  -30- because everything comes full circle.

The 100:  Spacewalker

The 100 is relentless. It is a chaotic mix of warfare, politics, and above all survival. I originally had no real feelings about Clarke in either direction. At first glance she seemed to be a standard-issue, spunky blonde white girl. I didn't dislike her but I didn't see anything special to get excited about. But as the second season came around she more than earned her leadership role, and this episode proved she was capable of making the most horrible, difficult decisions a leader has to make. Finn lost his shit and massacred almost twenty Grounders in a village as revenge for something he could not be sure they had done. Clarke had a choice- try to save him even though it would mean the end of the shaky treaty she had forged with the Grounders on behalf of the Sky People and possibly start a war, or let him be slowly tortured to death as punishment for his crimes by the tribe he had wronged. Instead of doing either she went to the Grounder Chieftess and requested to say goodbye to her friend- then she herself slid a knife into the pretty white boy the show had set up to be both a main character and her romantic interest. I was fully shocked, because this never happens. He deserved to face the consequences of his actions, but pretty white boys on the good side don't ever face consequences- they get away with things! They are saved at the last moment! They are redeemed. Decades of television had taught me this. I had not yet realized that, with very few exceptions, this incredible show was going to center entirely around the female characters. Clarke gave him the gift of a swift death. She knew that some of her own people would be mutinous, but would eventually understand she had saved him from a worse fate. She also knew that although the Grounders would resent their prisoner being spared torture, they would ultimately respect the fact that she killed one of her own for his crimes against them. From that moment on, Clarke was my everything.

Honorable Mention:  The Culling, because Jesus Fucking Christ.

Bob's Burgers: Mother Daughter Laser Razor

Bob's Burgers is the funniest, sweetest show. We need shows like this to balance out the awfulness in our world. This episode holds a special place in my heart because the kind of dad that Bob is makes me wish that I had a dad like that. I wish that everyone had a dad who would get his legs waxed just to support his awkward daughter. I loved Linda and Louise's forced mother-daughter-date-turned-lazer-tag-battle, but in the end watching Bob quietly make sure that Tina knows that she is loved for who she is no matter what she decides to do with her body is what made this episode so goddamn special.

Honorable Mention:  Boyz 4 Now because that first time you become hormonally obsessed with a boy... the struggle is real.

Roseanne: Halloween IV

There hasn't been anything like Roseanne since it went off the air (we shall not speak of the re-boot as of yet). Seeing a working class, fat woman on TV with a loving husband and a family mirrored everything I saw in real life and absolutely nothing I saw on TV. The Halloween episodes were always special because as a kid I LOVED how much she loved Halloween. I was raised by people who thought Halloween was the Devil's birthday, so I envied the Connors of their cool mom. I recognized myself in Darlene, and I recognized my life in the cheap linoleum, the yard sale furniture, and the non-trendy clothes. Watching Roseanne lose her Halloween spirit bummed me out- watching her get it back was epic. Yes the show took a complete nosedive in the end, but the first few seasons were important in so many ways that they still do not get credit for.

Honorable Mention:  Crime and Punishment because Roseanne started talking about the reality of domestic violence way before we started listening.

Monty Python’s Flying Circus: The Spanish Inquisition

What can I possibly say about Monty Python that hasn’t already been said by someone smarter and more British than I. They really were The Beatles of comedy. The show was ridiculous, absurd, surreal, and frequently brilliant. The Spanish Inquisition sketch was a simple concept but that didn't stop it being hilarious.

Honorable Mention:  Face the Press because the Ministry of Silly Walks sketch will never not kill me dead.

Archer: Lo Scandalo

No matter how many times I watch this episode, I laugh out loud all the way through it. Lo Scandalo is a masterpiece and it has everything I love about Archer. Malory's sociopathy, the gang all working together, Kriegar being a sick weirdo, hilariously clever rapid-fire dialogue... the manipulation by Malory that takes place here is utterly bananas and as usual she is ten steps ahead of everyone. But for me, Sterling provides the funniest, most relatable content upon learning of his mother's kinky (or in his words: "dildo-ey") S&M sex with the Italian Prime Minister ("Doesn't Italy use a king?"). Malory, "Look!" Sterling, "You, look! I bet I'll never be able to have sex again without thinking about this! I bet I won't even be able to eat spaghetti and meatballs. -Oh God!" Malory, "What!" Sterling, "...I could eat! I mean not necessarily spaghetti and meatballs... but, you know, not necessarily NOT spaghetti and meatballs... I mean I really like spaghetti and meatballs. Man, if I don't get some spaghetti and meatballs I may literally die."

Food is important.

Honorable Mention:  The Limited, because fighting mounties on top of a train... and more importantly, BABOU.

Breaking Bad: Phoenix

I feel like this is along the same lines as my pick for The Wire. It's not that it's the best episode, or even my favorite episode. But again it's the episode when I first realized that this was a show that was not fucking around. For me Walter White's character development can be separated into two parts: before Phoenix and after Phoenix. When Walter watched Jane choke to death on her own vomit when he easily could have saved her, you knew a line had been crossed that couldn't be un-crossed. He made an inhuman decision rooted in pure selfishness, and its only end was to better manipulate Jesse. That was the moment Heisenberg was born.

Honorable Mention:  Felina because this show died as amazingly as it lived.

Psych: American Duos

Psych is so much fun. It's one of those shows you can always watch. Overall it’s fairly hit and miss but watching the friendship between Shawn and Gus is like a soothing salve for your brain. Tim Curry pretty much steals this particular episode away from James and Dulé and the American Idol parody ep becomes a vehicle for his brilliance. But the boys shine in their hilarious dance sequence and it's one of the funniest episodes they have ever done. Come on, Son.

Honorable Mention:  Last Night Gus because it is nonstop fun and probably my overall favorite.

X-Files: The Ghosts That Stole Christmas

How much more fun could this show possibly have??  A haunted house. A classic ghost story. Scully and Mulder in the role of a loving but murderous couple. This episode can't be written off as purely fan service because it is too fucking clever. David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are both massively comedically talented and neither one of them hardly ever gets to show it off- especially Gillian who seems to go from darkly brilliant, somber murder show to darkly brilliant, somber murder show. Anytime the X-Files let them cut loose and be funny I was all in. Hysterical and genuinely creepy in equal amounts, this episode is a classic and I watch it at every year at Christmas.

Honorable Mention:  Quagmire because RIP Queequeg.

Cougar Town:  Lost Children

Yes, you heard that right. Cougar Town. The show with a name so stupid it was doomed to be underestimated forever. Courtney Cox dates a young guy in the first few episodes then the title never holds any relevance, ever again. Eventually the show leans into it and just starts relentlessly mocking the stupidity of its own name in the title credits. Jules' life consists of wine, her (age-appropriate) neighbor boyfriend, her hilarious circle of friends, her ex-husband, her son, and a LOT more wine. Did I mention wine? This show revolves around wine. This episode popped into my mind because it's ridiculous and silly and I loved watching the crew run around the neighborhood playing sardines. It reminds me of when we were kids and we would just... go outside and play? When did we stop doing that? Adults should still do that. Saying that Cougar Town doesn't ever challenge you sounds like an insult, and maybe it sort of is but also it isn't. Some days instead of watching people lie, kill, and scheme, you just want to watch a show where you know the writers will never break up your favorite couples. They will never try too hard to be cool. They will instead make up awesome games like Penny Can and have the gang make ridiculous bets with each other, all while drinking buckets of wine. They create small issues here and there that are easily resolvable, usually in one episode. This show pats your bottom and tells you everything is going to be okay. It looks good and it feels good. It makes you want your very own cul-de-sac crew.

Honorable Mention:  Little Girl Blues because I am all in favor of having actual funerals for your favorite wine glasses when they break. #RIPBigJoe

Star Trek TNG: Déjà Q

I love almost all of The Star Treks, but I grew up with TNG. The very first episode had featured Q and he was immediately my favorite. I recorded all of his episodes on VHS tapes. His god-like powers, his sass, and his flair for the dramatic made him the most fun the show ever had with a villain. No being in the universe got under Jean-Luc's skin like Q. I loved the way he effortlessly exasperated Picard. I loved it when Guinan stabbed him with a fork. I loved the way he said "Mon Cap-it-an". I. love. Q. This was my favorite Q episode because it was the first one that showed the cracks in his armor. This was Q's "human" episode.

Honorable Mention:  Elementary, Dear Data. I love every Data-centric episode and I'm obsessed with Sherlock Holmes, so this was inevitable.

Bojack Horseman: That's Too Much, Man

The Bojack Horseman episode "Stupid Piece of Shit" has been heralded as a brilliant look into the depressed mind. It's is a fairly normal Bojack ep, but with the addition of his inner monologue berating him mercilessly the entire time. It's truly great, but so much has been written about it that I thought I'd choose another one that stuck with me. This episode finds Bojack painfully lonely at rock-bottom. He calls up Sarah Lynn, his one-time TV daughter turned drug-addicted pop star and frequent partner in crime ("That's too much, man." was Sarah Lynn's catchphrase on the show 'Horsin' Around' when she was a kid). She is in a sober phase at the moment but the second the chance for a bender presents itself she is all in. Sarah Lynn always represented Bojack's failure to be a good person. At one time he could have chosen to make her childhood a little less terrible by being there for her, but he never did. He wasn't cruel, just self-absorbed, and Sarah Lynn (now in her 30’s) has always paid the price for the adults around her being self-absorbed. Bojack tries to go on a therapeutic journey of making amends, but he keeps blacking out and forgetting the conversations he has when he visits the people he has wronged, so then he has to go back and do it again. It's hilarious and awful. Both of them stoned and wasted, Sarah Lynn drives Bojack from place to place as he keeps fucking up even more with every stop... until the end when he finally notices she's been asking to go to the planetarium all day and takes her there, realizing he is not the only person alive on the planet who matters.  Sarah Lynn is obsessed with the planetarium simply because it is a dome. Sarah Lynn, who never got to choose what she wanted to be, quietly says "I want to be an architect." Then she dies of a drug overdose with her head on Bojack's shoulder. It's one of the most brutal things I've ever seen a show do. But it was brilliant.

Honorable Mention:  Time's Arrow because it is definitely the most well-crafted episode of the whole show.

Veronica Mars: Pilot

Veronica Mars was ahead of its time and the first season was truly perfect. I chose the pilot because unlike most shows that take a while to hit their stride, Veronica Mars comes out swinging and shows you exactly what the show is going to be. It's great from literally the very first frame. Even with The Good Place (which is phenomenal) this remains my favorite Kristen Bell role of all time. Veronica is constantly underestimated- this tiny blonde with a chip on her shoulder and more brains than is good for her. Armed only with her sharp mind, a Blackberry, a pit bull named Backup, and the best Dad in the entire history of television, she fights for people who can't fight for themselves. One thing is absolutely certain- when shit goes down, you want Veronica in your corner.

Honorable Mention:  Leave it to Beaver because it's rare that a show sets up the amount of mystery and intrigue that S1 of VM did and then manages to pay everything off.

The Walking Dead: Days Gone Bye

Over the past 8 seasons The Walking Dead has changed a lot, and not for the better. But for my money, there are also hardly any zombie shows or movies that can compete with the first season of that show. I am obsessed with zombies and I'll watch any movie or tv show with zombies in it, no matter how awful. But from the first moment of Days Gone Bye to the last, you feel like you are watching a movie. A really good movie. The acting, the production value, even the music of the opening sequence. You are right there with Rick, experiencing his bewilderment and fear alongside him. It's a shame it has dragged on for so long because TWD was really something special once.

Honorable Mention:  Tell It to the Frogs because when Rick found his family everything changed, and Shane started down the dark path that would ultimately lead to violence, shirtless head-shaving (thank you for that), and utter tragedy.

Penny Dreadful: Possession

Penny Dreadful is a beautiful, violent, twisted fairy tale. The first two seasons are worlds better than the third, in my opinion. Vanessa Ives has a dark power, but she also has an honesty and a vulnerability about her that seems to draw everyone to her, and through the course of the first season you see Ethan Chandler, Victor Frankenstein, and even the mysterious Dorian Gray come to trust her and care for her deeply. But Sir Malcolm continues to blame Vanessa for the loss of his daughter and is pitiless in his regard for her. This episode is disturbing, terrifying, and heartbreaking. Eva Green is incredible here. When she becomes possessed and everyone rushes to her side without hesitation, you can finally see Sir Malcolm realizing that he might have lost a daughter, but he found one too.

Honorable Mention:  Demimonde because Ethan and Dorian Gray. BLESS THIS SHOW FOREVER FOR THAT SCENE.

Jessica Jones: WWJD

I enjoy all of the Netflix Marvel shows, but the first season of Jessica Jones outshines them all. Instead of starting out in the usual way- person gets powers, person decides to use them for good, etc., JJ starts out in the middle of her story. She has already done the superhero thing. It didn't work out. A mind-controlling sociopath used her powers for his own destructive purposes, and even though she broke free of his control she remains haunted by what she has done, and what was done to her. She is trying to do some small amount of good by being a private detective, while at the same time drinking away her PTSD and alienating herself from anyone who cares about her. Then the man who ruined her life shows back up- obsessed with Jessica now that he can no longer control her. David Tennant is brilliant here and if you had told me he had this performance in him before I saw it, I never would have believed you. Not because he isn't good because he very much is, but because he is just too goddamn lovable. But he blew me away by legitimately creeping the entire fuck out of the place. This is the episode with his grand gesture- he BUYS HER CHILDHOOD HOME and restores it to exactly the way it was before she lost her parents and younger brother in a car accident and had to go away. Watching the psychological cat-and-mouse between these two characters under the same roof is thrilling and to be honest I didn't want it to end.

Honorable Mention:  Top Shelf Perverts because bringing a severed head into a police station is always a great plan.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: 100 Dollar Baby

Always Sunny is my favorite television comedy of all time and no matter how many times I watch my favorite episodes it never seems to be enough. It's original, abrasive, addictive, and much smarter than it should be. It's self-aware (unlike the characters) and the perfect amount of Wrong. These people are so awful but so goddamn fun to watch. It was difficult to pick one episode but 100 Dollar Baby might be the funniest Charlie Day and Kaitlin Olson have ever been. I love any time these two team up, whether they are ruling a virtual video game world (THIS GAYME HAS GOWNE ON LOUNG ENOUF) or beating the shit out of a random dude while hopped up on steroids. The "training" sequences with the three guys make me laugh out loud and the ending is fucked up in every way that makes Always Sunny awesome. This episode is also responsible for the greatest gif to ever come out of the show.

Honorable Mention:  Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack because THERE IS NO PEPE SILVIA.

Les Revenants (The Returned):  Camille

The American version never happened. As long as you remember that, you will love The Returned. The acting, the writing and the tone in the French version is such that you wish they would give every other horror show lessons. The American attempt to copy it was hot garbage. Camille is the name of both the first episode and the name of a girl who calmly shows up at her family home 4 years after being killed in a bus crash, thinking it's just a regular day. She is the first but eventually people all over the village start coming back from the dead. But they are not groaning, decomposing monsters. They are in fact completely themselves, having no memory of dying or the time that has passed since- in most cases, years. They return to their families on pure instinct, and the shock and joy felt by their friends and relatives slowly crumbles into horror as it becomes clear this isn't as simple as it seems. It is an incredible show about love, family, grief, and retribution. Zombie show? Kind of. But so much more than that.

Honorable Mention:Simon, because I am a complete sucker for a good quality, doomed love story.

Space Ghost: Coast to Coast: Snatch

Space Ghost Coast to Coast seems like a show you have to be high to enjoy, and since I've never watched it high I have no excuse for how much I love it. It makes me laugh harder than any other animated show, ever. I’ve spent what is frankly an embarrassing number of hours watching it in my lifetime. I find it strangely soothing. It's packed with in-jokes, bizarre storylines, minor celebrities, and weird rivalries. It contains long stretches of silence that are funny, then go on so long they stop being funny, then keep going until finally they are funny again. It's fucking weird. Snatch is a body-snatching pod-aliens episode, which is enough of a reason for it to be my favorite. I can put on the DVDs of SGCTC and watch it continuously for like a day straight.

Honorable Mention:  Banjo because why do we hurt the ones we love? WHY BANJO, WHY! BANJOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sense8: All I Want Right Now Is One More Bullet

Sense8 is a brilliant antidote to the million-and-one boring-ass, heteronormative shows floating around out there. As far as representation goes it is the fresh air you never thought you would live long enough to breathe. It is beautiful, compelling, and sexy as all hell (Three words: Psychic. Bisexual. Orgies.). And if you can get through even half of the first season without longing to have a cluster of your own, then I can't relate to you at all. The psychic connection between these characters is such a joy. Every single character is fully fleshed-out, fascinating, and given their own personal journey, relationships, and backstory- no one is neglected by the writers. But I chose this episode because every time they drop everything and come together to help one of their own it makes my heart soar. This show- every second of it- is better than we deserve.

Honorable Mention:  What Is Human? because of two scenes- the one where Lito steps in to help Wolfgang by doing what he can't ("Lying is easy. It's what I do."), and then Wolfgang returning the favor by showing up to beat the entire living shit out of the domestic abuser Lito is trying to save his friend from ("Fighting is easy. It's what I do."). Those two scenes together might be my favorite interaction between any of the Sense8s in all of season one.

Dexter: Surprise, Motherfucker

Most people who loved Dexter agree that the first 4 seasons are the only good ones and the rest was downhill. Aside from the god-awful series finale, I beg to differ. My choice of the season 7 finale would not be a popular one among Dexter fans but I am a sucker for pain and I will die on this hill. When Deborah discovers that her adopted brother is the Bay Harbor Butcher, she starts to crack. You can see her mental state deteriorating slowly through the course of the season as she continues doing her job as a detective while trying to grapple with the fact that she is unable to turn Dexter in. He has always been her foundation, her only family, and she loves him desperately in a way that confuses her. Her entire universe has been shattered. Dexter tries to help her cope, tries to help her come to terms with it. Not having much in the way of emotions himself, it gets to the point where he genuinely doesn't understand why it's so hard for her. Then it all falls apart in the season finale when a suspicious Maria LaGuerta finally discovers Dexter's secret. Deborah is faced with a choice- and even as Dexter encourages her to choose LaGuerta's side for her own sake- rather than lose the person she loves most in the world Deb shoots and kills her own Captain. You know in that moment that everything Deborah Morgan was before has been lost. The final part of the episode, with Dexter protectively leading his dazed sister through a celebrating crowd, is a perfect scene.

Honorable Mention:  The Getaway, for the ending that shocked us all.

Sherlock: His Last Vow

It would be difficult for any villain to follow Moriarty. The consulting criminal with his hands in everything was Sherlock Holmes' perfect counterpart and an utter delight to watch. Trying to compete with Andrew Scott's strange charm would have been pointless, so instead they went in the complete opposite direction and gave us the most repellent villain of the entire show. Nothing about Charles Magnussen (played brilliantly by Lars Mikkelsen) is intriguing, charming, or fun. He is a smug, dead-eyed bastard who "collects" people by discovering their secrets. Unfortunately Mary Watson has a dark and extremely illegal past that she's managed to keep even from Sherlock. Sherlock makes a promise to protect Mary and he keeps it- by blowing Magnussen's head off in a shocking ending once it became clear that he couldn't beat him any other way. This episode revolves around the thing I've always loved most about Sherlock as a show: loyalty. The show began with John Watson shooting someone in the head to protect Sherlock, who he had only just met, and with His Last Vow it all comes full circle.

Honorable Mention:  The Reichenbach Fall because Honey, you should see me in a crown.

The Fall: What Is in Me Dark Illumine

The police finally have Paul Spector in custody, but he refuses to cooperate with anyone but Stella Gibson. The interrogation room scene between the two of them is one of the best scenes of television I've seen in my entire life. I've watched a million of these types of scenes- a criminal fixated on one particular cop, two people trying to get as personal as possible to get under the other's skin, trying to get information out of a pure psychopath to save someone who is in danger. But somehow, using dialogue and acting that deserves every single award that exists, this show elevated an old trope to something else entirely. One of the most amazing things about The Fall is that every time you think you see what's coming next, you don't. If you want to see real, honest-to-goodness skill, these two actors volleying the ball back and forth is on another level.

Honorable Mention:  Beauty Hath Strange Power, for being a masterclass in rape culture.

House: Birthmarks

House is a good show, if pretty formulaic, but the character of Gregory House is certainly nothing new. In fact, the character and the show are both pretty obviously inspired by Sherlock Holmes. Here we have yet another funny, cynical genius/bastard who treats people around him like crap, yet everyone still seems to care about him and everything revolves around him, etc. etc. But even though there were plenty of great characters and interesting arcs throughout its eight seasons, the reason the show mattered to me from the beginning was the relationship between House and Wilson. Maybe less than a romance but definitely more than a bromance, this relationship was consistently the most devoted and interesting one of the show. Arguably the only person House truly loves (although an argument could certainly be made for Lisa Cuddy as well), James Wilson is generous, terrible at romantic relationships, and thrives on fixing people. But House is unfixable so it was inevitable Wilson would become just as addicted to him as House was to Vicodin. Birthmarks was a perfect encapsulation of their relationship and it was also sad, funny, and poignant. Wilson decides that House needs to attend his father's funeral and House wants nothing to do with it. Wilson tries everything to try to talk House into going, until finally he gets Cuddy to help him literally DRUG AND KIDNAP HIM. House and Wilson have trouble with boundaries. Naturally it ends with House verbally ripping his father to shreds in front of the mourners and Wilson throwing a vase through the stained glass window of a funeral home. Their relationship is ridiculously unhealthy and co-dependent and yet it is the most fun relationship ever. The pranks, the adventures, the monster truck shows... House and Wilson, forever.

Honorable Mention:  Last Temptation mostly because House and Wilson having a pointless bet to see who can keep a live chicken in the hospital the longest without security catching on is possibly the funniest fucking thing they have ever done.

Angel: Hole in the World

This is a perfect episode of television, from beginning to end. Joss Whedon can get predictable at times, so I feel like every once in a while he sets you up to think you know what kind of story you are about to get then purposely turns it on its head. At the start of the episode he subtly guides you into thinking you are going to be cheering the team on as they save the day, then he rips the rug out from under you in the most gut-wrenching and epic way imaginable. This episode is everything- hilarious and sweet at first, exciting, and then utterly heartbreaking. It sets up a huge shift in the direction of the season and if you thought Wesley Wyndam-Pryce couldn't possibly catch any more bad breaks, you would be very wrong. Alexis Denisof and Amy Acker knocked those final scenes so far out of the park. This episode took Fred from us, but it also brought Illyria into the show and our lives were all the better for it.

Honorable Mention:  Not Fade Away might be my favorite Whedon finale of them all. If Buffy's finale was about finding your strength, Angel's was about those who keep fighting even after they have none left.

The Thick Of It: Season 3, Episode 3 (episodes are not titled)

British politics, bleakness, humor, and a whole, WHOLE lot of swearing. The Thick Of It often leaves American viewers confused because they are generally used to tidiness. If not a hero, an anti-hero. If not a happy ending, a meaningful or tragic one. If not a point, then artistry in pointlessness. The problem is that none of that exists in British politics. It's a messy, frantic, never-ending clusterfuck. Power grabs, secrets, alliances... the tide can turn against you so fast that in under a day you can go from a Minister of the Crown to sludge on a tabloid reporter's shoe. It's brutal. If you count the two brilliant hour-long specials ("Rise of the Nutters" and "Spinners and Losers") it gets too hard to pick because you can do much more with an hour than 30 minutes, so I chose my favorite of the regular episodes. This is easily the funniest one of the series and it also shows you exactly who Malcolm Tucker is. Up until that point he is portrayed as a bit of a bogeyman, but the truth is he that he simply does what needs to be done- granted in an extremely sweary and bullying way. In fact, people beg for his help in a panic every bit as often as they curse his name, because when shit hits the fan they know he is the one who will know exactly what to do. Malcolm is the one pulling the strings- right up until the second he isn't. He has always understood the game they are all in and he spends his days waiting for everyone else to catch up. He frequently prods them there with strings of creative expletives that would make an 80 year-old sailor cry for his mother. But eventually even he is brought down by the poisonous system that has taken over his life and ruled his existence for decades. He sees it coming, tries to get in front of it, then goes down quietly, knowing better than anyone that this is it for him. The Thick Of It is one of those shows that is, at its heart, so bleak that you will never understand why you want to watch it over and over again. But you will. Because it is goddamn clever, and hilarious as all fuck.

Honorable Mention:  Season 4, Episode 7 because it has Malcolm's final speech- the one he gives to the young unscrupulous fuck who decided he wanted to be his protégé from almost day one. I can't summarize it, so here it is.

"You know fuck all about me! I am totally beyond the realms of your fuckin tousle-haired fuckin dim-witted compre-fucking-hension. I don't just take this fucking job home, you know. I take this job home, it fucking ties me to the bed, and it fuckin fucks me from arsehole to breakfast. Then it wakes me up in the morning with a cup full of piss slammed in my face, slaps me about the chops to make sure I'm awake enough so it can kick me in the fucking bollocks! This job has taken me in every hole in my fucking body. Malcolm is gone- you can't know Malcolm because Malcolm is not here! Malcolm fucking left the building fucking years ago! This is a fucking husk, I am a fucking host for this fucking job. Do you want this job? Yes? You do fucking want this job? Then you're gonna have to swallow this whole fucking life and let it grow inside you like a parasite, getting bigger and bigger and bigger until it fucking eats your insides alive and it stares out of your eyes and tells you what to do. I'm gonna leave the stage with my head held fucking high. What you're gonna see is a master class in fucking dignity, son. The audience will be on their feet. "There he goes!", they'll say. No friends - no *real* friends. No children, no glory, no memoirs. Well, fuck them."

Doctor Who: Midnight

Midnight is not a "representative" episode of Doctor Who but in my defense there aren't many of those in existence. It is the very nature of this show that it can be a tragedy, a comedy, a drama, a sci-fi, a fantasy, an action-adventure, or a horror show depending on its mood. This episode shoots for creepy and it doesn't miss. It's reminiscent of The Twilight Zone as the horror is mainly psychological. Being trapped in space with strangers, all of whom slowly turn on each other as they realize they are not alone... that something alien has gotten in. Ten is at his most clever and most desperate here- clever as he tries to solve the mystery of what's possessing them and desperate as he races to do so before any of the passengers hurt each other. There are many episodes of DW that restore the Doctor's faith in human beings and many that make him think they might not be worth it after all. Midnight ends up being a combination of both.

As an aside, this is the only show that consistently breaks down my cynicism and leaves me optimistic and hopeful for the human race. No pressure, Doctor Who.

Honorable Mention:  The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances because it introduced us to our dashing pansexual hero Captain Jack Harkness, because it was the first genuinely creepy episode of Doctor Who, and because I love Nine so, so hard.

Supernatural: Swan Song

"So what does it all add up to? It's hard to say. But me, I'd say this was a test... for Sam and Dean. And I think they did all right. Up against good, evil, angels, devils, destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice. They chose family. And, well, isn't that kinda the whole point?"

Let's be honest, Supernatural should have ended with Swan Song. No, I don’t begrudge my boys their now THIRTEEN seasons (just renewed for fourteen!) and yes, we would have missed out on incredible episodes like Death's Door, The Man Who Would Be King (which is actually my 3rd favorite ep), and The French Mistake. We would never have met Kevin, Charlie, Soulless Sam or Demon Dean. It would be sad to not have all of the great things about the subsequent seasons (although we also would never have had to meet Amelia or suffer through the despicable way they killed off Charlie, sooooo...) but if they had gone out with Eric Kripke's planned series finale, it would have been perfect storytelling. The story of the Winchester boys and the destiny that had been forced upon them came full-circle. Sam and Dean threw middle fingers up to every mystical force in the universe and refused to be used- not even by all of the hosts of Heaven. And honestly, where does a show even go after it manages to beat both God and the Devil? In its subsequent 8 seasons it has never come remotely close to matching this episode. Swan Song has everything that makes Supernatural special. It was a perfect episode and a perfect finale.

Honorable Mention:  Lazarus Rising for having the most badass character entrance in the history of television.

Black Mirror: San Junipero

Almost every episode of Black Mirror has something to do with a disturbing dystopian future based on our over-reliance on technology. Not this one. It takes place in the future and technology certainly comes into it, but for once it isn't bad or the cause of the downfall of society. It's just part of the story. San Junipero is a love story and also a story about love. The sacrifices we make for those we love versus the choices we make for ourselves. It's a beautifully crafted episode- the music, the wardrobe, the casting, everything is spot-on amazing and nothing is overdone. This is one of the only episodes of Black Mirror that bears repeated watchings, and the end never gets any less affecting. Also, if you're going to watch this be prepared to cry every time Heaven Is A Place On Earth comes on the radio for the rest of your life.

Honorable Mention:  The U.S.S. Callister because it's creative, funny, and disturbing as fuck. For any respectable Star Trek fan there could be no other choice.

Hannibal: Wrath of the Lamb

There has never been a show quite like Hannibal. How this orgy of blood and gore was ever allowed to air on network television I will never know. Thomas Harris's novels have always been favorites of mine, but Bryan Fuller has a knack of knowing exactly what to throw out and what to keep when it comes to material that is dated. When creating his version of Hannibal he kept the essence of the characters intact but added much-needed diversity to a cast that would have otherwise been painfully dull. Far from taking away from the story the changes he made added layers upon layers to the material. Hannibal is, in my opinion, the most visually beautiful television show ever made. I defy you to get through the entire thing without accidentally finding at least one of the cooking scenes appetizing, and considering Hannibal’s favorite ingredient that is no small feat. This show is over-the-top and the characters talk like nobody on Earth speaks in real life, but every word is carefully chosen and the scripts are practically poetry. It's dramatic and bloody and wildly unrealistic- and definitely not for everybody. The series finale was everything I needed and considering the time constraints (the show was prematurely cancelled), nearly impossible to pull off this flawlessly. Instead of shrinking from the story it had created or pulling it back at the end, the show followed through on what it had been setting up since the very first episode: Will Graham becoming everything Hannibal wanted him to be.

Honorable Mention:  Mizumono because a true friend doesn't stab you in the back, he stabs you in the front.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Body

This is the most brilliant episode of my favorite show. Joss lost his own mother suddenly, which comes as no surprise because nobody could make an episode of television like this unless they themselves had experienced sudden loss. Death is everywhere on television in countless forms, yet this episode is singular. If you've ever experienced grief you will absolutely recognize your feelings or reactions in at least one of the characters. The Body captures the empty space around death- the silence, the boredom... in Joss's own words, "the monotony of grief". It's such an accurate depiction of the hours that pass immediately following a sudden death that, having suffered horrifically through those hours myself, I can barely talk about it. I have watched every season of Buffy over and over throughout the years, but I only re-watch The Body when I feel the need to sob until I almost barf, which is usually once every year or so. It's simultaneously the best and most painful episode of television I have ever seen.

Honorable Mention:  Once More With Feeling because it reigns supreme over every other musical episode of television ever made. And because also, it's important to remember that it could be bunnies.

Do you have any particular episodes or scenes of television that have stayed with you? Feel free to share your own in the comments!