White Noise

White Noise

Directed by Geoffrey Sax

Starring Michael Keaton(Batman, Multiplicity), Debra Kara Unger(Silent Hill, Crash(the old one), Chandra West(not much), and Ian McNiece( Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls)

Keaton plays a Architect who loses his wife in a tragedy. He then is stricken with grief that he cannot shake. He then is approached by a man who informs him that he may be able to speak with his wife---from beyond the grave. He then becomes obsessed with seeking his wife and helping others, through the use of EVP(electronic voice phenomenon). The EVP’s help lead him into a world of evil from beyond and trying to help a missing person.

This movie is actually kinda cool. Watching all the ghost shows, I am very familiar with the use of EVP. It is kind of a creepy concept and it is worth a look if you have the time. It goes a little too far, but what do you expect for a horror movie.

I give this one 3 ½ bloody hand prints

Psycho-Stu

Psycho (1998)

Directed by Gus Van Sant

Starring TONS of actors you know. Vince Vaughn(Wedding Crashers) , Anne Heche(Ellen Degenerous) , Julianne Moore(Boogie Nights), Viggo Mortensen(Lord of the Rings) etc.

A young woman decides to hideout at a motel run by a Youngman and his mother. She ends up dead and the race is on to find her killer. Twists and turns take you through this story of murder, mystery, and mommy-issues.

I actually saw this movie in the theatres. Brandon’s mom dropped us off at the old Kokomo Mall theatre. I have not seen this movie since then. I don’t remember a lot about it other than it wasn’t very good. I do, however, remember that we sat with Brad, Brad, and Ashley.

I give this 2 bloody hand prints (b/c I saw it in the theatre)

The Hills Have Eyes-Stu

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

Directed by Alexandre Aja

Starring Vinessa Shaw(Cork Romano), Emille de Ravin(Lost), Aaron Stanford(X Men), and Kathleen Quinlan(Event Horizon)

A family drives through the remote portions of New Mexico. The drive into a section that was used for atomic bomb testing. Their car breaks down(shocking) and the camp in the van for the night. They then begin to hear noises and see things in the night. A race of mutant people begin to attack them and try to make off with their things, their lives, and their virginity.

This had decent build up, bad acting, and some creepy looking mutants. The whole mutant rape scene of a teenage girl was disturbing. This is a remake, and is not very good.

1 bloody hand print

The Wicker Man-Stu

The Wicker Man(2006)

Directed by Neil LaBute

Starring Nicholas Coppola(National Treasure), Ellen Burstyn(Requiem for a Dream), and Leelee Sobieski( The Glass House)

A cop is contacted by his former fiancé. Guess what? You have a child. Guess what else? She is missing. Guess what else else? She may have been kidnapped by a crazy old bat that runs a hippy/feminist island. Guess what else else else? I’m lying.

This movie was awful. I do not like Nic Cage. He is terrible. He has been in about 600 movies and has been good in two of them. This is also a remake.

I give this ½ bloody hand print

The Children of the Corn-Stu

The Children of the Corn (2009)

Directed by Donald P Borchers

Starring some creepy kids and two horrible adult actors

In a small town in Nebraska, the children rule the land. Adults are evil and they need to be eliminated. An annoying married couple decides to go on a second honeymoon to try to save there verbally abusive marriage. For some reason, driving on the interstate is too easy. They are driving on roads that no one should. Apparently getting to California fast is not in their plans. Instead, why not have your horrible wife scream at you for longer. Well, they hit a kid with the car, and I know what you are thinking, Comedy? No! this kid was already severely injured. But why, when, how, who(cares) ? They go into town and a bunch of creepy kids start doing the Lord’s work. Which if you open up your Bibles, is clearly to kill everyone over 19 to make the crops grow. So sacrifice the annoying couple.

I don’t know why this movie was remade. The first one was definitely not this annoying. The best parts are when the guy hits his wife(you would too) and when the woman is eliminated. The creepy kid sex is disturbing and the kids are not that scary. Watch the original and you will not be that impressed, watch the remake and you have wasted an hour and a half of your life.

½ bloody hand print

The Uninvited-Stu

The Uninvited (2009)

Directed by Thomas and Charles Guard

Starring Elizabeth Banks(Slither, Scrubs, Apatow movies), Emily Browning(Lemony Snicket‘s, Ned Kelly), Arielle Kebbel(John Tucker Must Die), and David Strathairn(lots of stuff)

Anna is in a mental institution. Her mother died in a tragic fire and she attempted suicide. Her doctor thinks it is time she goes home and faces her past. She returns home to find that her father is dating her mother’s nurse. Along with her sister, Anna attempts to find out if her mother’s death was an accident. They begin to notice that many strange things are happening, such as dead children, boyfriends, and mothers visiting them. The pieces come together and they reveal that dad’s girlfriend is a murderer, but wait there is a twist…..

A who-done-it/ horror that makes everyone in audience yawn. No real thrills just the typical loud bangs to make jumpy people, well, jump. This movie is uneventful, as far as entertainment. It is probably better to rent a movie that is acclaimed.

I’ve seen this damn thing twice, so you don’t have to.

I give this ½ bloody hand print

Saw-Stu

Saw

Directed by James Wan

Starring Cary Elwes, Danny Glover, Monica Potter, and Tobin Bell

Two people find themselves the pawns in an evil, sick game. They are the latest victims of the Jigsaw killer. They must follow the rules to the game or they will end up dead and so will their families. These people are chosen for a reason and they are going to pay for their sins.

This movie is well written. Not wonderfully acted, but much better than most horror movies. This is the type of movie that you could watch and love, or watch and think that it is just another B horror. This movie exploded into lots of sequels. The sequels don’t seem to follow the original storyline, but they make a lot of money. They are entertaining and supposedly the last one is coming out this Halloween. Watching them all over a couple days is kinda fun( I did it last year). But if you have to choose one, the original is the best.

I give this 3 ½ bloody hand prints

The Witches of Eastwick

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Director: George Miller

Screenplay: Michael Cristofer based on the novel by John Updike

Starring: Cher, Susan Sarandon, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Jack Nicholson

When Alex, Jane, and Sukie get together one night and have a few drinks, they begin to discuss the perfect man. What they aren’t aware of is that he’s moved into town especially for them. He’s charming and he’s charismatic, wooing all three of the women, but there is also something very off about him. Maybe the man of their dreams is from actually from their nightmares.

This is a very fun film from the 80’s that is mostly made fun by the acting. The story itself is not that strong, but Jack Nicholson and his knack for crazy draws you in for a good laugh. The film attempts to poke fun at the unconventional, but if they didn’t have the actors they chose, it wouldn’t nearly be as fun. I personally have not read the book, but I imagine it to be much more entertaining and interesting than the movie since a movie was actually made. The screenwriter’s take on the novel just didn’t translate well to the big screen. It is possible that the lack of technology during this time may have also played a role with the story not going so smoothly.

I didn’t hate this movie and did enjoy the actors a lot, but I don’t recommend rushing out and buying it. If you find it cheap as I did, then sure knock yourself out.

I give this film 2 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Planet Terror

Joblessness, life, and the pursuit of happiness.

Random Conversation at night with me and my husband


Me (About to doze off): I whip my hair back and forth.
J: Your hair doesn't whip
Me: IT DOES TOO!
Me: Want me to go back to relaxers?
J: Your hair whips!
Me; 🙂 *snore*In other news a couple of nights ago I had a really bizarre dream. I had long silken hair. It was down to my waist.  When I woke up it got me to thinking. Is that my subconscious telling me that I want a relaxer?My subconscious can go to hell if that is the case.In the words of All the way May from a league of their own.. I AIN'T GOING BACK!!

So some fat slob can sweat gin on me? YOU TELL MR CHOCOLATE MAN THAT I AIN'T GOING BACK!!

For myself, this has been an excruciatingly long week. I've had a total of three job interviews, two of which were back to back. I did have some time to kill in between so I went to the library in Plainfield. According to Google, this was the closet library to where I was at during the time.
I really was trying to work on trig homework. But this woman on the computer got a phone call and kept screaming in her phone about Facebook and hair weaves. I knew it was time to go.
Meh. I need a job!
I am going to go now, as I do not have much else to say. Love you all!

Twilight

Genre:Romance/Horror

Director: Catherine Hardwicke

Screenplay: Melissa Rosenberg based off the novel by Stephanie Meyer

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Billy Burke, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Ashley Greene, Nikki Reed, Kellan Lutz, Jackson Rathbone, and Taylor Lautner

Bella moves to a small Washington town to live with her father, completely opposite of her Arizona upbringing. Her first day of school was expected to be awkward, because she was new. She did not, however, anticipate encountering Edward Cullen, a mysterious and withdrawn individual. If only she knew how much her life was going to change after meeting him.

Yes, I am doing a review on this, and yes, I am a fan. At least, I’m not a crazy one. I was a huge fan of the novels. True, they are not nobel prize winners, but for young adult novels, they’re pretty complex. I chose the wrong time to see this film for the first time, opening night. My friends and I were surrounded by tweens, not the remotely entertaining kind either, and a bad interpretation of the book, for which I blame the director. When the film was over, I had cracked several jokes about the film, was done with obsessive tweens, and probably saw one of the worst special effect understanding of something that should have been so simple. I was bummed and exhausted, and not at all amused by the girls screaming in ecstasy how amazing the film was. Did we not just leave the same theater? I apologize. I really shouldn’t be that demeaning to the tweens. I was that age once also. As I matured, my drama tolerance disappeared, leaving me very annoyed and uncomfortable when I cannot avoid most of it.

Catherine Hardwicke did an amazing job with Thirteen. It was fantastic, and indie films are her forte. I believe that she was not exactly prepared for the differences of an epic and commercial, twilight is big enough to practically be a brand, film opposed to an indie film. Indie films are raw and very dramatic and rely heavily on the acting, story and direction to provide the harmony. Twilight is a genre flick, and one that she seemed to try to film like a heavily dramatic indie film. The story alone has enough drama in it that it did not need severe emphasis by specific shots or overacting. My example being the scene when Bella enters biology class, and Edward has his very awkward reaction. I am sure that we will continue to see great things from this director, but her choice for the direction of this film was not wise at all. The sequels surpassed this film, easily, and I only expect the last novel’s interpretations to be the best yet.

Ah, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, what can I say? I don’t think that they were terrible in this movie because they are terrible actors. I believe that they’re performances were not up to par, because that’s how they were told to act. An actor doesn’t usually have full control over apart. Some directors do let allow actor go with the flow, but the point is that the director has to allow it first. Whether the director told them exactly how to act or presented them with suggestions for the scene, this is what an actor is paid to do. Kristen Stewart has always been one of the actresses I have kept my eye on since her performance in Speak. I thought she had a lot of potential to be a phenomenal actress, something she continues to prove. I actually feel the same about Robert Pattinson. They both seem to have an honesty about them that is hard to ignore. Maybe epic, commercial films are not really the boat they should be jumping on right now. I think they should focus more on indie films for the time being to practice their craft before they jump onto another highly commercial film. I would like them both to be known for their talent first and not just Edward and Bella. I will admit that I can’t imagine anyone else playing Edward and Bella, though.

Sorry, Taylor Lautner will not be discussed for this film, because he may have been in there for a full five minutes.

I give this film 2 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: The Witches of Eastwick