This Is Your Life
As you may have noticed, I haven’t exactly been updating here lately. My original goal was to at least update weekly. The problem I’ve been facing with this is that there haven’t really been a whole lot of changes since my last post. That is until recently. I will now reward you with an extra long post.
I am still on the hunt for a job. My previous attempts leaving me with nothing, I decided to venture back to my roots and go with a familiar staffing agency. I received my last job through the same agency and thought that my luck might be better even if I only receive some temporary positions. That certainly didn’t go as well as planned. After driving all over Las Vegas to one currently closed branch to the other open branch, I found the service here in Las Vegas to be a little stressed and so far not exactly helpful at all.
My luck was not with me, which I’m beginning to dismiss entirely. My luck where Vegas is concerned was never present before, I should not be surprised to find that it is not here now, a fact that has led me not to pursue gambling since the first trip out here. The turn of events with the staffing service that insisted on referring to me as Kristen (not a bad name just not close to being mine) and asking me if I ever received an email (and no, I still haven’t) has left me dissatisfied and hopeless of getting an office position or something along that environment.
I may not have a job, but I still have bills, bills that I’m literally just scraping by with. This led to my current branching out in my job search, retail, and has now led to a couple of interviews. They seemed to go alright, but I don’t want to jinx anything. I’ve always been one who prepares for the worst and likes to be surprised by the good. I have the same outlook where criticism is concerned. I can take bad criticism. In fact I prefer it, because I know how to fix it. When I get good criticism I try to hide the blank look on my face with a small smile. I know there are some of you that know this look. I don’t handle good criticism very well, and yes, I realize that is not normal. I have never been one to claim that I’m normal. I guess it is also has to do with the fact that I really don’t like to flaunt or show off.
To add to my financial ruin, I got a lovely overdraft scare from my bank this week. I never have been one to pay minute attention to my accounts, but because they are both practically nonexistent, I now, have them recorded down to the last penny. My mother would be very proud. Why if my organizational skills have recently hulked out in my time of disparity would I receive an overdraft fee? Apparently, when I transferred the last of my savings into my checking and clicked the two confirmation boxes that followed the transfer it was not in fact confirmed by the bank……ever. I will admit fault for not double checking my balance the next day before paying my bill, but I’ve never had to before. I did call them today to ask for forgiveness, and the nicely obliged to remove it, so yay?
The state of my finances have led me to consider panhandling at the local corner of the interstate. I remember when I helped my brother move out here there was a midget on that very corner the whole during my entire stay. He’s not there now, so this leads me to believe in progress. I figure all I really need is some strong sunscreen, a few gallons of water, and a collapsible chair. I briefly considered bringing along my iPod, but I don’t think that will help the desperate impression I’d be trying to convey. If I don’t make any money at least a may sweat my ass into a size 10. Can’t go wrong there?
This brings me to discuss to newer issues with my body. Every year since college my wacky skin springs something new on me. This year it was heat rash. I now have to be careful of the sun, because I break out in annoying hives. It’s even more fun when they break out on your face, which I now have learned. Being that my skin’s personality is as random as my own, I did not believe that it was heat rash, but rather eczema. Fact 1: The way one treats eczema is exactly the opposite way of treating heat rash. Fact 2: If heat rash is treated like eczema, it gets worse…..a lot worse. That was an awesome two weeks of my life.
My second issue with my body is my weight. I want it to be known that I am a big girl, and there is sure as hell nothing wrong with that. I’ve been a big girl since high school, granted I was smaller in high school than now, but still singing plus size praises. I do not believe that I’ve ever been made fun of for my weight, at least that I’m aware of. I am probably one of the lucky few that didn’t have to deal with that. I’m sure there was someone at some time who didn’t like me or someone I may have pissed off that threw weight related slurs my way just none that I paid attention to. You have to make yourself into who you are, because the only thoughts and comments you will ever be forced to listen to are your own. It’s not the voice of the popular girl from high school who rants in your mind as you lay your head against a pillow at night. Although, points for imagination and creativity if it is, but the main idea is that you’re in the driver’s seat. I think the hardest lesson to be learned is that it is just as easy not to care about something as it is to care. I would be lying if I said I was immune to society and negativity. I’ve got issues and a lot of them are with my weight. I’m not a saint people. They’re my own personal demons, not anyone else’s.
I’ve kind of adopted a “do’s and don’ts” of big girls, or as I affectionately call it, “The Big Girl Code.” This code could possibly be the very reason I didn’t get a lot of crap for my weight in high school. Who was I to care, when I was following my code. It doesn’t necessarily tell you how to live your life it just points out the various disadvantages and advantages of being a big girl in society’s skinny girl world, very reminiscent of a “choose your own adventure” novel. If you choose a specific action, then society is probably going to react this way. I felt that if I knew this outcome was going to happen, then I could prepare myself on how to deal with it. If I didn’t want to deal with something, then I chose the safer ending. It is not a perfect system being as limiting as it is freeing, but one has to deal with the world somehow.
This being said, I have finally decided to change my lifestyle. I’m not a big fan of the word diet, because society has presented it to be a short-term solution. I’m not really doing a whole lot to be honest. I’m just trying to apply balance to my life. I have been trying to make exercise into a habit, because I haven’t been active in forever. I got bigger once I stopped being active, so in there lies a big clue. I also am trying to relieve stress that way, because lord knows I have enough of that. I haven’t denied myself the foods I love, and I want to see how the balance thing works before I do. I have been eating better, because there is more time now and my SIL is showing me new and easy meals. I was a big boredom and stress eater. I always eat when I’m bored. Now I’m just replacing eating with exercise. I want to think that because I am no longer eating fast food everyday for lunch that I have lost 20 to 25 pounds already. This is a guess-timate based on my clothes getting a lot bigger. It could also be the result of it being so freakishly hot here, that my ass had no other choice but to sweat some of that off.
This is pretty much my randomness at the moment. The only other thing I’m really excited about is that my nephew is now a hug machine, which I cannot get enough of. My shows are all starting this week: Castle, Glee, Bones, Supernatural (my boys, sigh), and Dexter. It is sad I know, but this is my excitement. TNT will be running a marathon of the best of Supernatural starting at midnight tonight. For someone that literally just finished rewatching the entire series, this should not be of interest. I can’t help it though. Being single, you’re only left with the option of your personal eye candy, and I can’t deny myself what is so readily available. Sigh…..
Until next time……