Author's Note: Below is an actual heartfelt letter to Cardi B, in regards to her relationship with Offset. For some background on this situation, check out this link and this link. Even though Cardi B doesn't fall under the 'geeky' category, I think understanding different relationships is important to our whole "Guide to Life" part. Hope you can relate
TW: talks of manipulation and emotional abuse in relationships
Dear Cardi B,
This letter is coming from the depths of my heart. Because, girl, I've been where you are.
Not in the exact sense of a romantic relationsh- well, that too. I've actually done this with family, with friends, and unfortunately, even a few romantic relationships.
I've been where you are. A deer in headlights as the public croons in "Aww, Quinzel, they're not that bad!" They knew if they did it publicly, it would get the results they want. And if not, well, they have a whole band of flying monkeys to come after me.
Offset disrupting Cardi's performance is like your ex running up on. you at your job in the middle of a meeting. This is not acceptable or cute. Or romantic. It's creepy and unstable.
— Demetria L. Lucas (@demetriallucas) December 16, 2018
Reconciliation was forced on me like dry swallowing a large pill. I've thought to myself "OK wow, this is a really nice gesture, maybe I'm being too harsh."
I should have stopped right there. They were manipulating me.
And Offset is 100% manipulating you.
In toxic relationships, once the person tries to get away, the first stage the toxic individual goes through is called "Love bombing". Wikipedia explains it as "an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection". It could be a nice gesture, but notice how Offset has never once taken any steps to NOT cheat on you?
The harsh reality is that love bombing doesn't last. Once the toxic person knows they've "got" you. They go back to their same ways. However, if you've left before, sometimes they even up their manipulative tactics in order to get you to stay. It isn't even hitting you, it's just all emotional abuse and mind games. It's all made to tear you down so you feel too worthless to leave again.
Here's exactly what will happen next. If you stick to your guns, I guarantee you Offset will switch tactics and become a full-blown asshole. He's going to talk shit about you on social media, f*ck women you don't like just to get to you, and take any step possible to ruin your career. I'm sure you have noticed this before, but Offset cannot handle your success. Because without your success, you can still remain tied to him. But if you can sell out arenas on your own and make enough money to care for a baby on your own, he's gotta dig even deeper to find a way to hurt you.
I know you took to Instagram to explain that this is someone you still love and care for like family. But sometimes we have to love someone from afar because sometimes that love will allow us to lose ourselves.
Sometimes that love will destroy us.
I know its hard, I know you have a lot of pressure to take him back. I know y'all have a baby together. I know this is extremely painful.
But I also know, Offset will never change. And even if you can justify in your mind that you can just deal with his infidelity and complete disregard for you, I'm sorry, but it will eat at you until you just become a shell of a person.
You've made a big step on leaving in the first place. I'm proud of you. Take this time to grow, enjoy your adorable little baby, see a therapist, and come out of this stronger than you ever realized.
Stay strong in your decision to go. I promise it gets better. You can do this!
My name is Leslie and I had a miscarriage. This is not my first miscarriage, this is my 4th. You know how they tell you that things get easier the more you do them or the more they happen? That is a lie. This never gets easier. The disappointment gets harder and more painful.
I’ve had a miscarriage and not a lot of people know. A lot of people will continue not to know because I am not advertising the blog post at all. But I need to write it. Someone may find it and find it therapeutic.
I found out I was pregnant the day before I was set to go on a cruise. We were excited and scared. As I have said I have miscarried before. But you know what? I made it through. I made it an entire week on that cruise with no issues, no pain.
Two weeks after I got home I started bleeding. With the scant amount of blood, the doctors weren’t worried. The baby was measuring younger than they thought it should, was I sure of the exact date of my last period? Yes I am sure. I track it like whoa. Hmm. The bleeding is scant, and we see a heartbeat, bleeding sometimes happens. About half the women who bleed lose their baby. Guess what? I am in that half now.
The world doesn’t stop spinning when you miscarry. You still have work, you still have people you may need to take care of. Life is still there, even when your mind isn’t. You feel guilty for leaning on your partner who is going through this loss as well. Who is hurting as well but would never tell you because they feel your hurt is greater than theirs.
Because I have had a baby at one point, my clothes started to get snug quicker than the first time. I excitedly ordered maternity clothes. I took them back today. They were unopened, unused. The look in the cashier’s eye said it all. I looked a wreck. She knew why I was returning. She wanted to empathize. I just wanted to leave. I wanted to run out of this store proudly displaying tank tops with cutesy sayings about being pregnant. I just wanted to go. I knew it would be like this going in there. I didn’t want to go in there, but Destination Maternity has some shitty policies about returning clothes. It was either that or pay even more shipping to ship it back.
My name is Leslie. I have had a miscarriage. It doesn’t get easier. It gets harder. I’m hurting, but I am doing the best I can.
Editor here: This isn't a kiddie entry, so you may want to get prying eyes away from the screen. Also, we were not sponsored for this review, nor were we given any sex toys. Though none of us would turn them down amirite?!
Here's the thing. We all know self care is important. And I'll be frank, you always know the best way to get yourself off. So have no shame in lighting some candles, turning on some music, and making yourself feel good.
Now, for some of us Geeky Girls, the world of sex toys can be overwhelming, and a little racist at that. Not gonna lie, its kinda weird to see the Fat Chocolate Cock dildo with Realistic Black Balls and not feel a little odd about it.
So, whats a geeky girl to do to get her groove on. Luckily, I stole my internet browser's innocence so you didnt have to.
I came across Geeky Sex Toys and honestly, I just thought it was one of those products that were available for cheesy puns and giggles, but actually the materials used to create the toys are of the highest quality.
They have toys for all kinks and all fandoms. Actually the latest line is based on the Avenger: Infinity War movie. There's toys for anal play, strapping on, and yes, an Incredible Hulk dildo that is just as girthy as it is punny.
So yeah, for some good old fashioned self care, take care of yourself and head over to Geeky Sex Toys.
Did you see anything that you want to buy? What do you think of their products? Leave us a comment and tell us if you notice the Iron Man butt plug lights up (yes, girl, yes).