‘Jurassic World Dominion’ Review: Nobody Said There’d Be Bugs

WARNING: Spoilers Ahoy! Proceed with caution...or don't, the folks who opened Jurassic Park didn't.

Jurassic Park, and its many movies that follow, have a special place in my heart. I wouldn't say I'm a die-hard Jurassic Park fan, but much like Blockbuster, Snick, and those god-awful jelly shoes, Jurassic Park sparks a big level of nostalgia with me. So when I heard that Jurassic World Dominion was hitting theaters, I knew I would go.

I can remember seeing the very first Jurassic Park movie like it was yesterday. At the drive-in movie theater, I watched the screen with terrified eyes as the large T-Rex roared at those poor children covered in mud. As a child, I remember being so afraid that I, too, could suffer such a fate.

Fast forward to now, the idea of genetically modified dinosaurs seems entirely feasible as Jurassic World Dominion opens up with a CSPAN-like segment. The news story shows various dinosaur attacks around the world and poses the question if we can co-exist with dinosaurs. Yeah, we're currently in the middle of a pandemic and this does not seem like a stretch at all at this point.

We then switch to the impossible, Chris Pratt looking like a heroic cowboy in a snowy background of the Wild Wild West. He lassoes him up a dino and hits him with The Calm instantly. I refuse to believe the dino gave up that easily. Even though I just gave into the belief that dinosaurs co-exist with humans. Strange, I know.

Nobody Said There'd Be Bugs!!

I gotta give yall a huge warning because I wasn't expecting this. If you have a phobia of bugs, you either A) want this to be spoiled or B) wanna skip out on this movie entirely. I'm personally more in the A camp, but YMMV.

I got two problems with the bugs in this movie 1) they're bugs 2) they're freaking huge. For a bonus point, they travel in droves. Large, terrifying, massive droves. The oversized "locusts" also reign terror on the environment, devouring the animals and the crops and destroying the farmland. Which will soon wipe out human life.

These locusts are so massive and so terrifying, that even after introducing Jurassic Park alums Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern) and Alan Grant (Sam Neill), I'm still too shook by these bugs to be excited by it. Ick!

Bad CEO is Bad

If Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, and the former CEO of Abercombie & Fitch had a baby, it would be Lewis Dodgson, the head of Biosyn. Think of Biosyn as your new experimental scientific lab with the earning potential of Amazon with dinosaurs in the mix. Dodgson, like most CEOs, is blind to the past lessons taught by all of the previous movies in this franchise and can only see dollar bills. He wears glasses, he throws tantrums, and overall, his attitude is "screw the ethics, let's make more money! More more!"

The actor, Campbell Scott, played this role really well. He was very convincing and it was very validating to watch him get betrayed by his 2nd in command. I'd say his fate is not only satisfying to watch but a great throwback to the OG Jurassic Park of 1993.

Dino Kombat: Fight! Fight! Fight!

It would not be a Jurassic Park movie without a good old-fashioned Dinosaur battle. While those dinos love hunting us humans as prey, it is ultimately more important that they can stand their ground as the ultimate Dino champion.

We have no idea what these dinos are communicating to each other during these battles but I would love some subtitles on these so we could follow along with some dino-sh!t talking. I'm dying to know who's sleeping with who, who ate the wrong fox, who swung their tail at who's husband. All of that.

Now THAT's a Jurassic Park I'd like to see!

Girl...Is The Movie Good Or Not?

There are a lot of throwbacks to the past movies, some new stuff, there are some dino fights, BD Wong is in it (DUN! DUN!), DeAndra Wise as Kayla Watts is my new favorite human being, and Blu gets her baby back.

It's a good time. At this point, this pandemic has been going on for two years. Go watch dinosaurs fight each other over someone's man. It'll be fun.

Do you plan on seeing Jurassic World Dominion? Tell me your thoughts below in the comments section. I won't bite (maybe).