Just twelve days in for my thirtieth year, and my life has taken one of the most amazing, mind blowing turns I ever could have imagined. Not really, the most exciting thing I accomplished today was doing household chores. The magical transition into thirty didn’t change anything that I thought it would, and honestly, that’s really okay.
When I turned twenty-nine last year, I began to panic a bit looking at my life knowing that it was nowhere near where I had imagined it to be. Thirty to me was a milestone, a point in my life where things should have been figured out. I had started a list of what needed to be done, so that maybe the last six years have meant something. I needed to become completely independent and get my own place. I needed to get a car that wouldn’t constantly fall apart on me. I wanted to finally finish the first draft of the damn novel that I have been trying to write for the past three years. I also put “maybe start dating” on the list, but for those who know me very well know that dating has never really been a concern for me ever. I just thought that I was supposed to have some kind of headway in that department by thirty.
I didn’t get everything figured out in time for my birthday, but I did hit a few. I did manage my own place and had a reliable vehicle thrust upon my person regardless of want, but these really only happened in the last couple of months. The novel is still sitting in the early stages awaiting real time for me to commit to it. As for dating, not so much. When I woke up the day after my birthday, I realized that it all didn’t really matter. I am pretty happy in general with who I am and where I’m at. It is by no means perfect. I want to write full time, but since it doesn’t pay the bills yet, I have to work. The dating thing has never been something that I have felt the need for. I’ve always felt that if it happens then it will. In the meantime I have things to do.
Those I guess would be the things that people would probably point their finger at me for and try to call me a failure. I could get called out on those or my weight or even my nerd tendencies. As responsible as I strive to be and feel I am, I am a very much a kid at heart. I believe that it balances me. If I wasn’t I would probably not be any fun for anyone. The flip side of that coin is that I could be considered immature because I still watch cartoons or that I wear t-shirts with comic book characters on them. We as people need this kind of fun to balance out the responsibility. Being too serious and over worked is hard on a person’s system, and mindlessly indulging the inner child at all times doesn’t allow for any growth. Thus you need to find the balance.
My parents recently came to visit, and my mother wanted to take me out and get a few things for my apartment for Christmas. I told her that I wanted a doormat, a shelving unit, and a clock. Pretty practical, right. Well when we got to the clocks I choose a Star Wars clock that has the original Star Wars cover as the main canvas of the clock. My mother checked, as she always does, if I was sure that I wanted it, and I said yes. I didn’t want a boring clock. I wanted something that would make me smile when I looked at it. My mother may have made a different choice for herself, but she knows that this is how I work. With a slight shake of her head and an amused smile on her face the place the clock in the cart.
Thirty isn’t scary, nor is it really any different from any other month I’ve lived through this year. I didn’t have to throw out my Buffy DVD’s or sign up for an online dating site in order to immediately get married and have children. There is no specified plan for this particular age. I am still me and don’t foresee it changing anytime soon, and least of all for some silly number. I am still a nerd girl and damn proud of that. Thirty-one isn’t going to change that either. I will continue to plan on being me. I really should have never questioned it in the first place. I perceived an expectation from society, and it just doesn’t work for me. I have no business trying to force myself into a mold that I have long decided was not for me. You know what I bought to commemorate this momentous birthday? No fancy jewelry for this girl. No, I bought myself a photo op with Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki at the next Supernatural convention. How’s that for thirty and nerdy?