There Is Such a Thing as Point Break Live
I recently traveled to Los Angeles to visit some friends. They had a full weekend planned for me. There were some touristy things like a road trip to Santa Barbara, which was gorgeous. Also, was honored to have the best Mexican food I have ever had in Santa Barabara. Simply fantastic.
However, the most amusing event planned for my weekend was attending a stage version of the film Point Blank. If you take the movie seriously, which is difficult for myself to fathom, then this presentation will probably not be something you want to spend an evening doing. If you love the movie and think it gets more ridiculous every time you watch it, this is definitely something you need to do without question. This is the stuff of bucket lists, people.
Point Break Live is a wonderful, immersive experience of insanity. You know what kind of game you are in for, when you are advised to purchase a poncho. Warning, this isn’t the kind of evening you plan to look cute for. Wear something that you won’t exactly mind getting blood stains on. It’s okay. It’s only fake blood.
We start the show with a very important task, choosing a Keanu Reeves for the night. That’s right, one lucky man will be plucked from the audience and after a series of grueling challenges will emerge from the masses holding the crown of one Johnny Utah. I imagine the same casting accreditation happened to Mr. Reeves when he originally auditioned for the role.
Once we had our ponchos and a Keanu, we were good to start the show, and what a show and farce it was. I wasn’t kidding when I said the show was immersive. Everybody in the audience becomes a part of the game, hence the recommendation of ponchos. You will definitely get hit by water, maybe some blood, and maybe some stuff you would really feel better not defining. Tips for future audience members. If don’t like being center of attention or the ass of the joke, then avoid the front row or VIP sections. However, if you want to set your friends up and have a story that will last a lifetime, that is exactly where you want to sit. The actors will hit these areas the hardest.
My friends and I did our homework for the show. I probably haven’t seen this movie in like ten years, so a refresher was definitely needed. Having watched it again, though, brought up some concerning questions. No, I am not talking about the plot in general. I am talking about how this little group of actors was going perform certain scenes. For example, the sky diving scene. I was pretty doubtful of their ability to pull that off on a stage. Oh they do it, ladies and gents, they very much pull it off. Hilarious at that, as well. There is also a moment where the streets of good old Hollywood get utilized… It is truly hysterical, but probably terrifying for that random driver or pedestrian that gets surprised by the event.
I don’t really want to reveal too much. The plot is pretty much blown for you, so there has to be some kind of mystery that pulls you in. This is the kind of show you go to for a good laugh and most definitely a good time. I fully recommend Point Break Live to anyone that happens to be in the LA area and finds themselves with the opportunity. The company also stated that they do a parody of Terminator 2: Judgment Day, called, Terminator Too Judgment Play. I really want to see this one now as well! If any of you, my lovely readers, happen upon Terminator or hell get to see this little show, let me know how it went!
Top Ten Favorite Quotable Comedies
This list is not in any particular order, nor does it necessarily showcase my favorite comedies. These are the films that I quote frequently, if not on a damn near daily basis. I have watched these films more times than I probably should have, but it's still a hell of a lot of fun.
Slackers
This film is probably not as well-known as the other films on this list, but it is the one that I actually do quote daily. I was heavily in my swooning days of Devon Sawa, when I saw this with my friends. While my adoration of that man has faded, my love for this movie has certainly not. Some of my friends and I can sing the song at the end instantly. Hell, we say “I luuuu you,” more than we say “I love you,” because of this movie.
Favorite Quotes:
Ethan: I want to make sure that you and I are best friends - "gnome" matter what.
Angela: Ethan, that's a troll.
Ethan: "Gnome", it's not.
Angela: Ethan, what is this, is this a hair doll?
Ethan: I didn't make that! It fell out of your hair that way!
Ethan: Are you okay? Do you need a Fresca?
Spaceballs
Whether or not you are a Star Wars fan, most of us agree at least that Spaceballs was a thing of comedic beauty. I always tell people to use the schwartz. As a child of the 80’s this not only made perfect fun of Star Wars, but it brought together all of the bests 80’s jokes of the time. Max Headroom was in the movie. Epic.
Favorite Quotes:
PrincessVespa: I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids.
LoneStarr: Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess.
Barf: Funny, she doesn't look Druish.
DarkHelmet: You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now let's see how well you handle it.
Colonel Sandurz: Are we being too literal?
DarkHelmet: No you fool, we're following orders. We were told to comb the desert so we're combing it.
Austin Powers in Goldmember
I love all of the Austin Powers movies, but this was the best and far more quotable of the three. The lines in this film, they are fantastic! One of my best friends and I spent three hours watching this movie, because we kept rewinding shit just to fall out all over again.
Favorite Quotes:
Goldmember: Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo gold? It's kind of my thing, you know.
Dr. Evil: [comes over to Goldmember] How 'bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard?
AustinPowers: Thanks, baby! Now what's your name?
FookMi: Fook Mi!
AustinPowers: Can you kiss your mother with that mouth?
AustinPowers: Mole. Bloody mole. We aren't supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole winking me in the face. I want to c-u-u-t it off, ch-o-o-p it off, and make guacamole.
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
If you were born in Indiana, like me, and grew up next to a cornfield in the heart of Nascar country, then you lived and breathed this comedy. It didn’t matter if you liked Nascar, because it played on several redneck stereotypes that you had no choice but to grow up around. That personal connection just made the whole movie funnier.
Favorite Quotes:
TexasRanger: Aw, Grandma, not my prison shank!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party.
Lucy Bobby: So how was your day driving with you father?
Ricky Bobby: Well let's see. I got mauled by a cougar, my Crystal Gayle shirt is ruined, and I didn't learn dick about driving. Other than that, it was great.
Zoolander
Thank you comedy gods for blessing us with a sequel to this movie. This movie is sooo dumb, yet sooo good. My co-blogger and I used to quote this movie all time at our old job. We were always trying to be the life of the party. She and I can go all day on this movie. All damn day.
Favorite Quotes:
Mugatu: Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!
Derek Zoolander: [high-pitched cough] ... I think I'm getting the Black Lung, Pop. It's not very well ventilated down there.
Derek Zoolander: Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?
Napoleon Dynamite
I was in college when this movie came out. I will admit after the first time I watched this movie, I had no damn clue what the hell I just witnessed. It puzzled me so much, that I had to watch it a second time. I was sold. This was by far the best movie without any real plot I had ever seen. There was about a month to a month and a half where every Saturday we watched this movie with a bunch of friends. Tater tots and nachos were made, while one of my best friends and I tried to perfect an alcoholic beverage with Gatorade. Yeah, that last part never panned out well, nor did my hopes that if one hydrates you as the other dehydrates you, they should cancel each other out. Nope, straight up Thunderdome for Gatorade and alcohol, and alcohol always wins.
Favorite Quotes:
Kid on Bus: What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?
Napoleon Dynamite: Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh!
Napoleon Dynamite: Well, what is there to eat?
Grandma: Knock it off, Napoleon! Just make yourself a dang quesa-dilluh!
Napoleon Dynamite: Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home.
Uncle Rico: She didn't tell me anything.
Napoleon Dynamite: Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak.
Nacho Libre
I will continue to follow all Jared Hess movies, because they are the best and the lines are amazing. This movie is also so dumb, and I love it. I never get enough of it. It is just this perfect beautiful world that I can’t help, but fall in love with.
Favorite Quotes:
Nacho: I'm not listening to you! You only believe in Science. That's probably why we never win!
Esqueleto: We never win because you are fat!
Chancho: My mother gave it to me before she died. It was her lucky machete. You can have it.
Nacho: Somebody stole them.
SeñorRamon: Did you not tell them that they were the Lord's chips?
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
This is probably the classiest of classic comedies, and dammit do I ever eat up British humor. I have a lot of friends who are not really into this movie, so making jokes and quoting around them doesn’t get real far. Oh but how it does on the inside. Give it another chance if you haven’t seen it in a while. It may surprise you.
Favorite Quotes:
King Arthur: [after Arthur's cut off both of the Black Knight's arms] Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have.
King Arthur: Look!
Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.
The Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead.
[a man puts a body on the cart]
Large Man with Dead Body: Here's one.
The Dead Collector: That'll be ninepence.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
The Sweetest Thing
This is one of the select films that when my best friends and sisters get together, we immediately put this on. It is the epitome of our friendship. We each identify with someone in the film and we can’t get enough of it. If we are missing each other, we’ll watch it and start sending quotes.
Favorite Quotes:
Gramps: F@#$ Grandma.
Christina: I got a penis in my eye.
Courtney: Let me see.
Christina: How is it? Is it okay?
Courtney: Yeah, it's okay, but I think you're pregnant.
[to little boy sitting in the pew in front of her in church]
Courtney: Turn around.
[Little boy shakes his head]
Courtney: Turn around.
[Little boy shakes his head]
Courtney: Look, it's Jesus. Look at Jesus!
So I Married An Axe Murderer
Really the only reason to watch this movie is to watch Mike Myers. While the main character that he plays has some good scenes and lines here and there. It is the character of his Scottish father that Myers plays that steals the whole damn movie. I always watch this movie, but after seeing it once, I tend to turn it off when the two main characters head off for their honeymoon. The character of his Scottish Dad is no longer in the movie, and I just can’t see the point.
Stuart Mackenzie: I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Now that was offside, wasn't it? He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow.
StuartMackenzie: [after exhausting a bagpipe player at Stuart and Harriet's wedding] We have a piper who's down! Repeat, Piper Down!
Stuart Mackenzie: Thirty years ago today, May and I were married. Some of you were there, some of you weren't born, and some of you are now DEED! But, we both said "I do," and we haven't agreed on a single thing since.
May Mackenzie: That's true!
Stuart Mackenzie: But I'm glad I married you, May, because hey, could've been worse.
Tusk: The Most Original Thriller of 2014
I make this statement, but if I am honest, this is one of the most original storylines I’ve seen in any horror or thriller in a very long time. Tusk isn’t the kind of film that is going to blow your mind like something such as Inception. While this film may not be in the running for awards, it should not be dismissed so easily. What this little film is, is a labor of love. It is a happy harmony between creator and creation. It will make you laugh, disgust you, and unnerve you all at the same time. It is these variables that make Tusk so important and watch worthy.
Kevin Smith has been known for films such as Clerks, Chasing Amy, and Dogma. While most of his previous films have been driven by story, his films are also known for their outrageous and raunchy comedy. I have personally been a fan a Kevin Smith’s for practically forever. His movies have always entertained me, and I am a great fan of his podcasts. There was a time in Mr. Smith’s career, where he had decided to completely give up on film making. His previous endeavor, Cop Out, left such a bitter taste in his mouth that he saw no other reason to put himself through something so horrible. The simplest of solutions was to quit making movies. It would have been very easy for Mr. Smith to do this as well. His budding podcast business was just starting to soar, and profits from this business were becoming more successful and stable than any of his films before had ever been.
Maybe it was all of his life lessons finally lining up into a conceivable pattern or his newly regular consumption of weed. Perhaps, maybe, a little of both. Whatever it was brought upon an epiphany of sorts that gave Mr. Smith the confidence to stop trying to conform to a specific belief and expectation that Hollywood continues to cloak over the masses flocking toward it. Hollywood is capable of many things, many great things, but the one thing it cannot do is create. People create. Kevin Smith creates, and began to create for himself and no one else. The first film project birthed from this revelation was the film Red State. This was a film so unlike his previous films, that if you didn’t know it was Kevin Smith’s brain child, you honestly wouldn’t know. It was provoking, intriguing, and baffling all at the same time. And it was serious, probably the most serious film that he had yet created. If you have not seen this film either, I highly recommend you looking into it. This revelation and large support for Red State allowed the opportunity for the movie Tusk to happen.
So what is Tusk? It is a movie about a podcaster named, Wallace, traveling up to the Great White North in hopes of doing an interview for his show. Unfortunately, things do not go as planned for Wallace, and he finds himself on a wasted vacation with nothing to bring back. In a desperate search to right his fate, he finds himself journeying to the home of an old man with promises of great stories. The eccentric old man gives Wallace nibbles of stories knowing exactly what to say to bait the curious attention of his guest, but the old man isn’t just a storyteller. He is a creator, and he what he creates for poor Wallace is a nightmare unlike any that has ever come before. But the creator needs time, and the world must continue outside of his walls. This allowed for a small moment of hope for Wallace when he comes upon his cellphone, and he reaches out to his closest friends back in LA for help. He leaves them a voicemail message filled with fearful rantings and desperate pleas, which hastens them to Canada. There they search for Wallace, teaming up with even more eccentric detective in hopes to find their friend. What they do find is something so unimaginable that is changes their world and most significantly, Wallace’s.
Tusk is a well-timed rollercoaster of emotions and suspense. The story is wonderfully crafted to have you laughing one minute and terrified the next. The acting is superb, especially from the underrated Michael Parks, who plays the old man. His character is our generations Hannibal Lector. The moment, when his character unveils his deceit and becomes his true self, is so unnerving that it had to have the same effect on me as my mother and others like her had when Silence of the Lambs first came out. The tension is constantly broken, and I am thankful of that, by the well-crafted antics of an awkward detective, played by an actor known for his fantastic craft. Now now, please do not run to the internet and search for the actor playing this role. It is far more fun to discover the identity of the cleverly disguised man when watching. He isn’t even credited in the film, just his character. This secret is half the fun. We even have Haley Joel Osment, playing one of the first roles I have seen him in as an adult. Not to be forgotten of course is Justin Long, who plays the lead role as Wallace. I have always enjoyed him as an actor, and while he tends to lean towards comedy, his ability in drama is just as stupendous. He is adventurous with his acting and films, this one no different. I just don’t think, that on the day he decided he was going to become an actor, this particular character was ever thought as a possibility.
This truly is a fantastic and original film. If you are a horror and thriller buff, you must make time for this. As for Kevin Smith, I have a small message for you. I greatly enjoy your films, your wisdom, and comedy in your podcasts. Others may give you grief for changing up your film making, but I just want to say that I encourage it. It is clear that your heart has driven your last two films, and they are something to be proud of. I am just as sure that your heart will be in Clerks III when it comes out, because you are doing what you want. That will ensure that it is great. Hell, I think that your heart was even in Jersey Girl. I have heard you side with the general public when it comes to that movie. How I see it. Hollywood already assigned you to a particular mold and viewership when you made that film. That movie just didn’t fit in that mold. Since it seems you have now set that mold on fire, I hope your can find even the tiniest of places in your heart for Jersey Girl, because I have found one in mine. Thank you for all the entertainment, and I look forward to your next creation.
Why Do Your Crazy Friends Love Labyrinth So Much?
Growing up in the 80’s you were very aware of Jim Henson and his many wonders varying from the Muppets to Sesame Street. But Henson came out with this other little movie during the decade called Labyrinth. This particular movie changed many a childhood, but the love and loathe for this particular film became split.
The half that detest the film usually lean on two reasons. One, they don’t really like fantasy. Two, David Bowie freaks them out. There are plenty of fellow geeks and nerds that fall into either category, but mostly lean towards the David Bowie reason, because they do truly enjoy fantasy. These individuals are at a loss as to why in the hell their friends not only love it but loooooove it.
One of my best friends cannot stand this movie, which I forget about until she reminds me. I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that she hates it. She loves tons of fantasy fun and weird. Hell, she loves The Dark Crystal. Then I remember she is not a fan David Bowie. To be fair, Mr. Bowie was handling weird long before this movie, and the Jareth look didn’t make him look any saner. Even though my friend is not alone in her distaste of this movie, she just can’t understand why I love it.
Of course there were the Bowie fans that naturally gravitated, but the movie itself was our main pull. Many of us became fans of Bowie because of Labyrinth. So what exactly draws us into this fantastical story of a bratty teenager quickly coming to terms with her oldest child syndrome so she can save her baby brother from the chester that wants to keep her forever?
I realize where selling is concerned, that little synopsis didn’t help much. Chester or not, I didn’t see that when I was younger. Hell, I didn’t see the damn pants when I was younger. I saw a girl living the story she based her life around simply because she asked. She asked for someone to take her away, and Jareth came for her. So Sarah wasn’t exactly serious when she told her baby brother that she hated him and wanted to be rid of him. Sarah was going through a lot, emotionally as well. This story was about her growing up and fighting to want to.
Jareth’s world was the fantasy she had always dreamed about. He gave her adventure. Hell, he gave her friends. Based on how close she was with her dog and immersed in her imaginary world, I don’t think Sarah had any friends. There were no pictures in her room either. Scrapbooks had her face littered all over it, but no one else. Most importantly, he gave her a reason to take her brother’s existence seriously.
Jareth certainly gave her everything, but not exactly out of the kindness of his own heart. He wanted her to be with him forever. It's not long at all. Whether Jareth was capable of love or not, he certainly moved heaven and earth around her to give her what he thought she wanted and ultimately to get what he, himself, wanted . Again, this still doesn’t answer why this movie is so great.
No it’s not David Bowie’s endowment that did the trick. It was the ball scene. Everything was fun and playful with all of the goblins and other creatures up until the moment Sarah took a bite out of that forbidden fruit. When Sarah finds herself in the middle of that ball wearing that insane yet coveted 80’s ball gown with hair that probably took out its own personal chunk of the ozone layer, well, that was when shit got real.
Sarah stood for many a geek. We related to her. Dreamed like her. And then, we got to dream with her and, most importantly, David Bowie. No ,kids, he wasn’t Jareth in this scene. He was straight up David Bowie all because of that damn amazing song. The song that makes the hearts of nerd girls everywhere pause. That damn song spoke to us. It tore into our very souls. It ripped out every sad unrequited love we ever had and all of the lonely and dark tidbits that followed, twisting it up into a melody that would forever draw us in like a damn pied piper. How we wanted what that man was selling. It didn’t matter how many times we watched it or how old we’ve gotten. That song gave us the ultimate fantasy we and Sarah dreamed about it. And since Sarah was our well placed avatar, we lived that scene and song like David Bowie, the bad boy rock god, made it just for us. Our hopeless romantic tendencies went into overdrive, and we just didn’t care.
Most of us that are big fans have the soundtrack, which we love and sing along to. I don’t think I am the only one that takes a moment when the opening synthesized notes of As the World Falls Down start. This ain’t no A Whole New World. That song is charming and fluffy, appropriate for all ages. Bowie wrote a song that would evoke feelings and tingles that most of us wouldn’t even begin to grasp for another five to ten years. It built a bubble that we would do anything to keep firmly intact. This song was grown. So what if people don’t find Bowie attractive. I have always said that there is a difference between hot and sexy. Hot will only get you so far, but sexy is self-reliant. And Mr. Bowie/Jareth had plenty of sexy with that song and scene.
That scene and song is the main reason we overlook Jareth’s pedophile tendencies and sit back and enjoy the whole damn ride that is Labyrinth. This is why there is a damn masquerade ball in LA every year in Jareth’s honor. I’m telling you, everybody wants a piece of that.
As awesome as that is, we all root for Sarah when she says, “You have no power over me.” Jareth was spinning some crazy talk like a shady misogynistic boyfriend, and she put him in his place. While we as fans are certainly tempted by Jareth's wiles, we still get our priorities straight along with Sarah.
Maybe there are some of you out there that watched this when you were a kid and never really watched it again, just kind of disliked it since. Challenge yourselves to give it another whirl. If you still don’t like it then okay, but who knows, maybe you will.
The Zombie 10
Shaun of the Dead
I personally feel that this is the funniest of the comedy zombie movies out there. It opened the door to the modern comedy genre of zombie films. The problem you may have with this film, is that it is British. If you are not a fan of British humor, then you will probably not get this film. Fun little fact Simon Pegg and Nick Frost reprised their roles for a cameo on Phineas and Ferb recently.
Zombieland
Another hilarious zombie comedy that most likely wouldn’t have been made if the above hadn’t done so well. I will say that when Hostess originally stated they were shutting down their factories my thoughts immediately went to Tallahassee and his endless search for Twinkies. Luckily for him, the company has been bought and saved, and Twinkies are now in continuous supply once again. Bill Murray’s best as well.
Resident Evil
I know that some can give or take the original movie, but we still love the series. Most have learned to forgive the first one like myself. For as much literary symbolism that has been shoved done my throat from high school to college. The Alice in Wonderland theme totally escaped my attention until Resident Evil: Extinction. I was letting the credits play when a cover of White Rabbit started, which I thought was weird for a whole second and then started to cuss myself out for not even seeing the obvious. She’s named Alice. I’m an idiot.
Dawn of the Dead
Romero obviously has to be placed on the list somewhere. While this isn’t what I consider his masterpiece, it is a pretty damn good alternative. I prefer the late 70’s original, but the 2004 version was a decent. What made it so interesting was the use of the mall. It seemed like a pretty good place to hole up, because it should be well stocked. It taught us that malls aren’t fool proof.
Night of the Living Dead
It is the grand pappy of what our generation loves about zombie movies. If Romero hadn’t made this film, he may have not made the rest of his masterpieces. Thus we may never have any of the zombie films that we love today. Dare I say no Walking Dead. That’s how pivotal this movie was to generations of writers and storytellers. This literally is the film that started it all.
Night of the Comet
Not exactly a masterpiece, but one that I’m nostalgic about. My brother and I would always see this one during a Saturday movie matinee on television. It is pretty crappy, but that’s why I enjoy it. No one did crap quite like the 80’s. The premise is that due to a comet passing, it completely turns those who watched the night sky show into a giant pile of dust or a deranged, mutated zombie. The few individuals that stayed indoors due to the event are left to not only survive the unnerving solitude, but the crazy mutated things that want to kill them.
Planet Terror
I do enjoy the humor in this one, but it is inspired by the Grindhouse movies of the past, and gore is high. It is a Robert Rodriguez film. If it’s not a Spy Kids movie then blood is what you will get. It is still very entertaining though.
Warm Bodies
It is a cute little love story about a zombie that falls in love with a girl. I had a really good time with this movie, because it was the first of its kind in our recent obsession with the undead. And no, My Boyfriend’s Back, doesn’t count. I loved that movie when I was a kid. This movie was pretty refreshing, and I definitely recommend.
The Returned
This one you may not have heard of. If you have Netflix, you need to check it out. In this post zombie apocalypse world, a barrier drug for the virus has been made. It has stipulations, though. It is only works within a short time frame after exposure. It must be taken every 24 hours exactly everyday, or the effects will reverse for good, and it is made from the undead that fully revert to zombie form. Those individuals now returned can function normally in society, but fear of what they could become has made them pariahs. Everyone was pretty much dealing for the most part in this world, even with the hate. Unfortunately, the success of stopping people from becoming a fully turned zombie means that they have all but eliminated their resources for the temporary medicine and it is running out fast. The race is to find a synthetic replacement, but politics and money stand in the way. Panic sets in when word of the drug shortage gets out. This is a great and unique story and a nontraditional zombie flick. It is very interesting.
The Dead
This one might also be an unknown movie. It is a South African film that showcases what the African plains would like if run over by zombies. Giving the budget they had to work with, it’s pretty damn good. It is a fantastic movie infact. I personally only had issues with the story turn towards the end of the movie. It really could have been all out amazing if that change hadn’t been chosen.
The Vampy 10
Fright Night
You can easily choose either the original or the recent remake. Don’t start throwing things at me. I love the original, but I thought the remake was a pleasant homage to the first film. While both versions are known for their humor, they are both still really good vampire movies. The original one likes to play with the more gory practical effects of the time. The newer one leans on the story which is wonderfully refreshing.
Dracula
Yes, Keanu Reeve’s performance is an accent change from Ted “Theodore” Logan, but, dammit, don’t you continue to suffer through his and Winona Ryder’s acting skills just see Gary Oldman over and over again. I do all the damn time. I love that man. It doesn’t exactly fallow Bram Stoker’s novel, but it is the closest interpretation we have in the film world. Frances Ford Coppola just has this wonderful knack of storytelling with his films that this classic novel more than benefited from.
Interview With The Vampire
For some individuals, this was the first real introduction to Brad Pitt as a leading frontman. Hell, this is where we get a first glimpse of Kirsten Dunst. The new generations may have the Twilight, but we had Louis, first, and a crazy Tom Cruise, even then.
30 Days of Night
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This was a fantastic little vampire film that popped out of 2007. The story takes advantage of the geography and sun placement of the northern hemisphere. Alaska goes through a period during the winter where the hours of daylight slowly wither away to nothing at the winter solstice. What better place for a vampire to hang out than in a place that doesn’t have that pesky daylight. It is a great story and can be pretty terrifying.
Let the Right One In
America made its own version of this movie called Let Me In. It was a good show, but this original version from Sweden is scores better. It isn’t what I would call a scare driven movie, but more of psychological thriller. The Swedish version tends to be more raw and realistic than the American one, but either is still pretty decent and worth a watch.
Blade
Say what you will about Wesley Snipes, but this is one comic book movie that did more than work. I mean, Kris Kristofferson plays Whistler, need I say more. Yes, I not only enjoy the trilogy as a whole, but I do indeed enjoy the third installment. I loved Parker Posey and Ryan Reynolds in that movie.
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
It is has been said by Joss Whedon, himself, that this film was crap. That is why he felt the need to make the television series. While I am thoroughly glad that he did follow that path, I was young enough to enjoy this movie when it came out. Thus, like many of the shitty 80’s films I still love, I established a nostalgic bond of not knowing any better and think this movie is hilarious. Paul Reuben’s death scene? Fantastic!
From Dusk Till Dawn
What else do Tarantino and Rodriguez fans love more than that their movies? Movies that they team up to make! It is gory, funny, action packed, and interesting all rolled into a nice little ball. Those that know me, know I have snake issues. This posed a challenge throughout several parts of the film for me, but with some strategic eye covering I managed through.
Dracula 2000
Hear me out. Yes I know Vitamin C was in this movie, but she does not drown out the fact that Gerard Butler and Johnny Lee Miller are in this movie. I love me some Johnny Lee Miller. I have been watching that man since Trainspotting and Hackers. I digress. So why did I add this movie, because of an interesting plot twist the movie uses when it goes into Dracula’s origin. It was so new and different that I continue to watch this movie even now. It also features random ass cameos. Long before he was the crazy preacher man, Caleb, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Nathan Fillion was prepping for his role in this film. Maybe that's why Caleb went so crazy.
The Lost Boys
Of course this would make the list. It is epic, isn’t it? This was the first introduction to vampires and vampire rules for most of us growing up. This was our first Coreys movie. We got to see what Bill S. Preston would be like with fangs. Kiefer Sutherland was weirdly hot and terrifying all at the same time. Plus it had the best damn crazy grandpa ever. This movie taught me a lot about peer pressure and that some girls are just not worth it.
The Ghostly 10
This week’s post will feature a random assortment of some of my favorite ghostly themed movies.
Poltergeist
It is a classic for a reason. I don’t think anyone who has seen this movie doesn’t think about the whether or not an Indian burial ground is located underneath the house they are about to buy. You can believe what you want about the superstitions that surround the filming of this movie, but it is still one of my favorites from Steven Speilberg. Even though it was 1985, this movie can still be pretty terrifying.
The Ring
This movie ushered in the great American remake when it came to Japanese ghost movies, but I liked that movement. It started a change in what people wanted to see in a horror movie. They not only wanted to be scared, but they wanted a story that had character development. Turns out, the movie gets real interesting if the ghost itself has character development. The movie Thirteen Ghosts wouldn’t have been a lot better if all of the interesting ghosts had backgrounds. If you didn’t know this, those ghosts do. The DVD has a feature that does just that. The little feature is way more fascinating than the whole movie. In this film, Samara brought a whole new creep factor to the silver screen by having you get to know her and understand her, whether you wanted to or not.
The Shining
There’s haunted hotels, and then there’s Jack Nicholson. I mean, people have to pause when they see twin girls because of this movie. It's scary and a mind trip, just the way Stanley Kubrick liked his movies. In the end you are left with this piece of artwork called a movie that you have to just watch again regardless of the amount of sleep you know you will lose over it.
Ghostbusters
The first is solid gold and I personally enjoy the second one. I saw it as a kid, so it still holds that nostalgia for me. This movie is amazing. As a kid we watch one film and as an adult we saw another, both fantastic. While I am still sad over the passing of Harold Ramis, I plan to go and see the 30th Anniversary release. Who you gonna call?
High Spirits
This is one of my favorites from the 80’s. Let’s just pull out a name call for the cast: Peter O’Toole, Steve Guttenberg, Beverly D’Angelo, Daryl Hannah, and Liam Neeson. It is a quirky little comedy about a decrepit castle in Ireland in need of saving, when the staff decide to fake hauntings in order to generate business. It was all good fun, until everyone finds out that the castle is truly haunted. I love it!
The Frighteners
Again, story driven ghost stories go far, and this one was a surprise when it came out. Not only was this one of the last feature films that Michael J Fox ever did, but it was directed by Peter Jackson. While the true hobbit fans know this, there are the partial enthusiasts that are being pleasantly surprised by this. After a man becomes psychic after a tragedy and upset with the hand dealt to him, he decides to use his new befriended ghost friends to scam people into paying him to rid their homes of the haunting entities that he sent there. Then he comes face to face with a truly angry spirit that is set on reliving and finishing the massacre he started before he was killed.
Ghost
Yeah, it has Patrick Swayze in it, so of course it will make the list. This movie isn’t just a film icon but a culture icon. I don’t have very much else to say outside of Patrick Swayze to help you understand my reasonings, except maybe Whoopi Goldberg. Yeah, she was pretty awesome in this too. I will leave you with this learned lesson. Apparently, if you are a mega asshole that kills your best friend only to be pulled down to the depths of hell, you will come back as president someday. This oddly explains quite a few presidents.
Woman in Black
Maybe you haven’t seen this movie because it has Daniel Radcliffe is in it, and he will always be your Harry Potter. If you like old Victorian and Gothic mysteries and ghost stories, then I definitely suggest this. The story is quite intriguing and interesting as it is slowly revealed throughout the story. It was liked so much, that there is a sequel due out next year.
Stir of Echos
Kevin Bacon had a mini movie come back when the late 90’s and early 2000’s hit. This was one of my favorites! It held my interest and always kept me guessing. I really didn’t see the ending coming at all the first time I watched it. It also features Jennifer Morrison in one of her earlier roles. Some may know her better as Emma from Once Upon a Time. Random fact about her. She used to do commercials for my old alma mater, Ball State University. She clearly moved on to bigger and better things.
Beetlejuice
It isn’t Halloween without Tim Burton. Add what I feel is Michael Keaton’s best performance ever, and we have an inventive iconic movie about the ghost world and how humanity can inconvenience the peace that the dead have created, in a quirky, hilarious way. This movie was our first invitation into Tim Burton’s darker creepier side that has become go to for his films. It is good times, but if you are watching it with the kiddies, look out for the F bomb.
The Witchy 10
October 1st hits us this week, and while I can’t comprehend how it is that time of the year already, it is time for me to do one of my favorite activities. Watching movies that appropriately fit right in with the Halloween theme. I love it! I am going to do a creature feature every week of 10 movies for you to maybe check out. The ten won’t necessarily be what I consider the top films of their category, but definitely a random selection. Let me know if you can think of something I should check out. I am always looking for new movies! This weeks feature is Witches.
Hocus Pocus
Hocus Pocus
It goes without saying that this should be the first movie mentioned. It doesn’t matter how evil they are supposed to be, everyone wants to be a Sanderson sister, so they can kick it with Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker. I am half tempted to watch it now.
Harry Potter
Harry Potter
ALL DAMN DAY! We are not going to separate them out, because really? Those books are jammed back with some of the most badass and inspiring witches of all time. Then we put those ladies on the silver screen, and this makes things that smell like genius.
Witches
The Witches
I really enjoy this movie and still do. I love that the folklore is Scandinavian based in this movie. It is truly great fun, but what did you expect from a Roald Dahl story. I am not going to lie, but this movie used to terrify the crap out of me when I was a kid. When the witches took off their wigs and faces, I couldn’t handle it.
Witches of Eastwick
Witches of Eastwick
This is a fun and baffling movie at times, but I think it holds up great even today. The cast alone is enough to give the movie a chance. It is straight up 80’s, so count me in right there. I think Jack Nicholson has some of his best moments in this movie because he is just nuts, but that’s why we continue to watch him.
Teen Witch
Teen Witch
This may be one of the unknowns for you. It is an obscure 80’s teen movie, and honestly terrible. I believe that is what makes it so damn charming. I also watched the mess out this when I was a kid, so I have the whole nostalgia thing working for me. I actually own the bad boy on DVD, meaning I physically searched it out on DVD. I know. It does have musical moments, and for those who have seen it and remember it, you can’t have someone say this title without thinking of the song, Popular Girl. Then there was I Like Boys, and Top That. That last song is probably the worst attempt at rapping ever made by man, and I freaking love it!
Practical Magic
Practical Magic
Sandra Bullock was the big name on this movie when it originally came out, but it has a pretty well-known cast. Nicole Kidman was known, but this was still at beginning of her personal career where she was known as herself and not as Tom Cruise’s wife. We got the 90’s heartthrob manly man, Aiden Quinn. Stockard Channing and Dianne Wiest costar as well. While I truly believe this was Hollywood’s attempt to cash in on the success of The Craft, it isn’t a terrible film. I am easily amused, so I am not the best of judges at times. I still enjoy this movie and probably will watch it when I’m done writing.
Beautiful Creatures
Beautiful Creatures
A more modern movie, but still fun. I will admit that the books are way more detailed and altogether better, but I get what they did. I don’t think that there will be a sequel, so the movie makes sense. The cast is pretty stellar if not underused at times. I was a little sad that Amma was changed up from the book to big screen, because Viola Davis would have kicked ass at that. I like this series, because it featured a boy as the normal human that is entwined with the special girl, as opposed to the vice versa storylines that have been flooding YA. It was a breath of fresh air. The movie still gives life to the characters, and if I hadn’t read the books first, I wouldn’t have known any better. If you are interested in the books, I suggest the audio versions. The reader does great voice play which adds to southernisms.
Bewitched
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Bewitched
So not the best movie in the world, but I still thought it was fun and entertaining. I love Will Ferrell, and I thought that Nicole Kidman’s aloofness was adorable. People put too much hope into this being like the original series, but that was show. The movie doesn’t have seasons to get a story down, so they went this route. It is good for a laugh.
The Craft
The Craft
Sooooo if you were a teenage or tween girl when this movie came out, you watched it. You watched it a lot. It was one of those movies that I wasn't supposed to be watching, but my friends and I did religiously. I don't think there was a tween or teenage girl that didn't try to play Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board because of this movie. We probably wouldn't have gotten Charmed, if it wasn’t for this movie. Needless to say, some of our youthful energies were spent obsessing over this movie. Solidarity with Bonnie and her scars. Nancy is crazy as hell. Well, Sarah has a fear of snakes, so me and her are on the level. Good times and memories from this little flick. It’s like I’m thirteen again! Wait, that’s not a good thing.
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunter
Before the shoes begin to fly at my head, please understand that I too heard this movie should have been left where it was long ago buried. Then Jeremy Renner had to go and get popular, and bam, somebody wants a little of the Renner money, too. It is a long honored tradition in Hollywood to jump on the band wagon in hopes to find riches, but I digress. Everyone, yes many mothers as well, said this movie was horrible. Me? I get seduced by the insane cheapness of the Blu-ray and make a purchase still fully aware of the crap I would find. You know what, all that preparation lowered my expectations so greatly, that it turned out to be a decent and entertaining film. I really liked the storyline and the twists around it. I think if you enjoyed The Brothers Grimm and Van Helsing, besides their obvious faults, you will probably end up liking this.
Show Me the Ladies, Marvel
Marvel Studios continues to knock it out of the park with their movie adaptions of our favorite comics. There just hasn’t been a lot of women standing alongside the men. As of right now, we have only seen three female superhereos, Black Widow, Lady Sif, and Gamora. We have been promised more with the upcoming addition of Scarlet Witch to the Avengers. A Jessica Jones series for Netflix is also said to be released, and Marvel Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D. announced that Mockingbird would be appearing on the show.
Scarlet Witch
Scarlet Witch
Though comic book fans know her as Magneto’s daughter and a mutant, it is unlikely that she will be presented as such in the movie. I am under the impression that Marvel Studios will gloss over this information due to rights of “mutant” belonging to Fox. I have faith they will make a good run with making it believable and even open for later clarification if a possible crossover happens. Outside of the red tape Scarlet Witch has been a long time member of the Avengers in the comic and a suitable choice for the team’s next super heroine. Depending on which version they go with, her powers are capable of effecting probability or changing reality. I am assuming the later, because that would make her a much more mysterious and complicated character to write, especially when it comes to controlling her powers.
Jessica Jones
Jessica Jones
Jessica has a few code names, the most famous being Jewel, but no one really refers to her that way. She, like her husband in the comics, just goes by her name. She has super powers from an exposure to radiation that give her super strength and the ability to fly. She also is a little hard to kill, which can be useful. I imagine the show will focus around her being a private investigator, but we will just have to see.
Mockingbird
Mockingbird
Not only is she badass, she’s just human. She is a S.H.E.I.L.D. agent and was a big member of the Avengers in the comics. She could potentially be added to the Avengers later, but it would be interesting to see how they handle her and Hawkeye due to their history in the comics.
Mr. Joss Whedon has stated that the new Avengers movie will feature four major female roles. We already know about Black Widow and Scarlet Witch, but the other two could already be known or simply wild cards. The known possibilities for the other two roles are Maria Hill, which is likely, Jane Foster, or even Sharon Carter. I don’t really think that Jane Foster’s role will be large if it even exits, but you never know. Sharon Carter was the fun S.H.E.I.L.D. agent that was keeping an eye on Steve Rogers in his last movie, and comic fans know her to have a romantic involvement with Cap as well as fighting by his side. Now, let’s play a game where they bring in some unknown power houses. Who could be added to the Avengers movie and possibly take on one of these roles?
Captain Marvel
Captain Marvel
I say this while crossing my fingers and praying to whatever nerd god will listen. Can we have Carol Danvers, please? I would settle for her in her Ms. Marvel incarnation, but the comics have done so much to rebrand her that I feel it would be a step back. While there is no need to go into full detail of who and what she is, we have seen the Kree in the latest Guardians of the Galaxy movie. They just have to quickly link her powers to a Kree machine explosion and go on about their business. Then they need to give the woman her own damn movie where they can go to town on her background and origin. The chica can fly, has super strength, advanced healing, and can absorb energy just to throw right back in someone’s face. Captain Marvel is one of the strongest damn female characters they have in Marvel and they need to put her ass on the big screen immediately.
Spider-Woman
Spider-Woman
I know there are rumors about a Sony Spider-Man spinoff featuring female leads, but Jessica Drew’s Spider-Woman is a rumor, and one I hope won’t come true for Sony. There are a lot of female characters out there that have used a variation of spider for her name, but please don’t let Sony take Jessica. She doesn’t really have any involvement with Spider-Man especially after they retconned her origin story. The new and accepted origin for Jessica Drew is what makes her a great possibility for current Marvel Studios universe. She was raised and brainwashed by Hydra becoming an agent only to discover their lies and ended up joining S.H.E.I.L.D at Nick Fury’s invitation. She went back to Hydra as Fury’s girl and kept tabs for S.H.E.I.L.D. With Hydra’s current rise in the film and television world, she would be an ideal addition. Her abilities include being able to walk and crawl across anything much like Spider-Man, but that’s as far as it goes where similarities are concerned. She has a venom like energy that comes out of her hands to take down her opponents. Her last ability is the one she dislikes the most and is the hardest to control. She can release pheromones from her body that can either make you terrified or enamored by her depending on which she was going for. She can’t just turn it off or focus it on one individual, which makes it unpredictable at times.
Marvel Studios has also left open these possibilities for their current franchises. While they don’t need to be large focused roles, it would be nice to see them.
Original Concept Art of Valkyrie for Thor: The Dark World
Valkyrie
Sadly, during the development of the second Thor movie, creators had every intention of including Odin’s shield maiden, but left her on the idea podium. However, it looks like Thor will be returning to Asgard to deal with his brother in the third film and hopefully he will need every ally possible including Valkyrie. If they decide to bring in the Enchantress to help Loki keep up his throne, it would be good for Thor to have another female ally besides just Lady Sif. Valkyrie is Asgardian, so she is super strong as well as quite durable. It would be nice to see her.
Misty Knight
Misty Knight
While she may not be one of the biggest female superheroes that Marvel puts out, she is quite large where Hell’s Kitchen is concerned. She plays a large role in keeping the streets clean alongside Luke Cage and Iron Fist. Hell, she is romantically involved with Iron Fist in the comics. She was a former NYPD officer that lost her arm in an explosion. Tony Stark helped her out with a bionic arm and super strength that allows her to be one hell of a badass. If you get a chance to read the short lived Fearless Defenders comic series, please do. It features Misty and Valkyrie leading an all-female superhero team. I am just bummed that they killed it.
She-Hulk
She-Hulk
Yes, I agree, a long shot, but if they pursue anymore Hulk stories, then she is still a possibility. She is blessed enough to keep her mind when in hulk form, and actually prefers that compared to her normal human self. She has all the hulk perks with practically no negatives. I am sure her cousin Bruce Banner gets jealous a little every time he sees her.
Wasp
Wasp
You really can’t do an Ant-Man storyline without at least mentioning the woman. While Hank Pym is clearly going to be aged somewhat, we may not get to see the Wasp. I just hope they at least mention Janet Van Dyne. She has so connected to the Avengers in the comics, that it would be disrespectful not to at least give her a shout out somewhere in the films.
Top Ten Favorite Scary Movies
Growing up I have always enjoyed the supernatural and the scary is some form. I read all the Goosebumps books I could get my hands on and loved anything by Betty Ren Wright. As I got a little older, I moved on to the more graphic Fear Street books and Christopher Pike novels. I did what I could with books in my tween years, because my parents were good parents and wouldn’t let me watch any scary movies that were above my pay grade. That doesn’t mean I didn’t sneak off to enjoy a few under the radar. But as much as I loved to watch movies like High Spirits, I was running out of choices.
I would watch edited horror movies on television until my parents finally decided to begin to let me watch R-rated movies when I was 15. In the beginning they watched them all with me and sent my ass out if they thought it was too much. Gradually I started getting access to more and more. When my parents realized that I was extremely cognizant of reality vs. story, they let me run free. My mom was pretty satisfied with my answer when she walked into the living room one day during a pretty gory scene, and I was eating spaghetti with tomato sauce. She asked how I could watch that and eat. I pointed at the screen and told her that was corn syrup and pointed to my bowl and stated that it was tomato sauce. I still don’t think she was fully comfortable with the thought until we both happened upon a reality show surgery, and I got grossed and left the room. I had a very clear grasp on what was real and what wasn’t.
Let me introduce you to my Top Ten Favorite Scary and Horror Movies.
Evil Dead 1981
1. Evil Dead Trilogy
So yes, it isn’t one, but can you really have one without the other two? Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2, and Army of Darkness were waiting for me before I even knew it existed. I have to thank my brother for introducing me to them, but I had unknowingly been preparing myself as I grew up watching Hercules and Xena. Sam Raimi hooked himself a fan for life after watching these three films, and well Bruce “Don’t Call Me Ash” Campbell got himself another adoring follower. Now, if we can only get Mr. Campbell to do a cameo on Supernatural, now that his show is over, life would be complete.
House 1986
2. House
Yes, another scary movie with humor in it. I tend to love these. Funny story about this movie. I remember watching this movie on television with my brother when I was little, and the scene where he tries to flush the monster hand down the toilet scared the mess out of me. I had serious issues with using our toilet for years, because I kept thinking that hand was going to come out and grab me. I have since come to terms with that and can use a toilet without fear. This is one of my favorites, because while it is funny, it is a great story.
Suspiria 1977
3. Suspiria
Honestly, this movie isn’t terribly scary, but it is gorgeous. The set design and art design add another level to this late seventies movie that sets it apart from the rest of the horror films coming out at the time. It actually might be boring to those but the strictest of horror movie buffs. I still think it is worth a peek.
Pet Sematary 1989
4. Pet Sematary
There are two things that easily turn on the creeps for me and that is dolls and small children. This adaption of Steven King’s novel has one of the creepiest children I have ever come across. While I hate it, I can’t stop watching. Small child, plus scapel, plus tophat? I have never been more terrified in my life.
1408 2007
5. 1408
I have always felt that John Cusack never got married, because he has been waiting for me to first grow up enough where it wasn’t creepy and then finally meet me. While this is highly delusional, a girl can dream. Whoever thought it was a good idea to put this man in a not only a horror movie, but a Steven King story, they need a monetary reward and a week’s vacation to somewhere tropical and not war threatened. This is a great movie.
American Werewolf in London 1981
6. An American Werewolf In London
This movie was just a stroke of genius. The practical effects were amazing for the time and the humor was sprinkled perfectly throughout the film. It saddens me that they tried to make a sequel of this gem, but I’m willing to ignore it.
The Possession 2012
7. The Possession
Yes it is another demon possession movie, but why did I like it so much to add it to the list? It deals with the Jewish faith and superstitions. The majority of the other demon or devil possession movies utilize Christianity to save the day. While completely acceptable, this movie changed it up and looked at a different faith making it strong enough to stand out. I think this movie was as good as The Conjuring.
Silent Hill
8. Silent Hill
Just reading this title, would probably make horror buffs scream in outrage! I really like this one and here is why. I am a leisure gamer. If I had more time and money I would probably never leave my house. Resident Evil came out and was fun not super awesome, but okay. It took the sequel to make something out of it. Silent Hill was not only a better adaption of the game, but honestly had a better story. There were little touches in this film as well. They treated the story progression as if you were in the game, and how the main character looked for objects and clues to get them from point A to point B was standard game play. I don’t think there is a woman alive who didn’t cringe internally when Christabella bit it in the end.
Insidious 2010
9. Insidious
I know there is a large amount of people that hate this movie, but I loved it. I was sold at the opening credits with the homages to Alfred Hitchcock. This was very story driven, which makes for the best horror movies. If you forget about meeting blood and boob quotas and make a good story, people will watch and mostly likely buy your movies. It is a crazy thought. I loved the parallel between the father and the son, and how everyone in the house was affected. I even enjoyed the twist of the house not being haunted, but the kid because of what he can do. The sequel was even great, especially how it takes off right where this one left off. That’s fantastic!
Drag Me to Hell 2009
10. Drag Me to Hell
My love of Raimi could not allow me to finish this list without this movie. I was so excited when it came out. Raimi hadn’t done a horror movie since Army of Darkness. It was everything that I imagined to be. It funny, disgusting at times, and fascinating. This was a damn near perfect movie. The only reason it didn’t reach perfection was there was no Bruce Campbell cameo. I mean the man made a cameo in Spider-Man 3, but we couldn’t get him to sign on to this. Well maybe he was angry with the cameo in Spider-Man 3, and this was Raimi’s punishment. I could probably get behind that.
There you have it. While the movies may not be considered the traditional classics, they are my favs and how I was really introduced to the horror genre. I love a lot scary movies, and it was hard enough to pick and categorize as it was. Let me know some of your favorites?
Espionage Cosmetics
