I'm working with a new concept here. A series of blog posts and interviews that I will call Cosplayer Convos.
I enjoy cosplay. I admire cosplayers. But I think we forget that the person behind the cosplay is...a person. We see them at conventions and follow them on social media and sometimes forget that these glorified humans are just...human. I believe that by sitting down and talking to them, we can all learn something new.
Thus, I present to you: Cosplayer Convos
So, What Is a Strong Friend?
You know who they are. They are that go to person on social media. They always know what to say. Or they're someone you consider to be an IRL (in real life) friend. They don't give a crap how your homophobic uncle feels about "that lifestyle" (this is not going to be the first time I go in on your uncle, #sorrynotsorry) they're going to fight the good fight anyway
Our strong friends save the day, without breaking a sweat or shedding a tear
But, where do our strong friends go when they need a strong friend? Who do they have when they need advice? Where is a shoulder when they need to cry?
I'm holding myself accountable, as I am the friend who is often in need. I have benefited from having strong friends swoop in and rebuild me, time and time again. As someone who was still building their support system, I was extremely thankful.
BUT...was I asking them how their day was going? Was I even calling them just to have fun or was I just expecting them to appear when my life was falling apart? Was I only prepared to tag them on Facebook when arguing social justice issues, like I was summoning a Pokemon with a higher CP than my own?
When I think of a strong friend, or just a strong person in general, my mind goes to one person. One of the strongest people I know is our fearless leader, owner, and admin of Geeky Girl Guide, Leslie. Remember that time she announced on the podcast that if you are being harassed and need someone, she's your girl? Yeah, she's the bomb. She has told people she will feast on their cracklings before. And dammit, she means it. Don't mess with her.
She's got an amazing heart and will defend you to the end. As I often am scared, short, and not the least bit intimidating, I admire her strength and her ability to always push back and to speak up for what is right. Leslie does not give a red cent f#$k what you think about her.
And wrapped in all of that strength is a human being, who is just as deserving of someone willing to tear someone apart for her as she is for others. Leslie deals with life just as much as my emotional ass does. And she deserves the support that she gives to all of us
This post is about Briana of Brichibi Cosplays, but I'm dedicating this post to Leslie. Leslie: You are strong, you are seen, and you are appreciated. Never stop being you <3
Briana: The Strongest Woman You Will Ever Meet
Briana is a cosplayer that I've admired for years. Not just the ability to rock amazing cosplays (I think my favorite is a toss-up between Tiana and Wonder Woman) but to take up space in a way I hadn't seen before. Here she stood. Black. Fat. Queer. And magical.
Alongside the love of her life and longtime partner, Jessica (who is an amazing seamstress by the way) Briana seemed to have it all. But in spite of her successes, hateful people saw her and did what they did best. For every positive thought we had for Briana, there were 20 more people who were angrily typing on their keyboards letting us know in all caps how they couldn't stand her.
Briana was always overcoming. For every hateful comment, she had an equally positive one. It was always in a perfect way to shut them down. "She's got to be the strongest woman I will ever meet." I often thought to myself
There was something I didn't realize that was going on behind these posts. While I was reading them in real time, I was putting myself down thinking of how I would be "too sensitive" to deal with this if it was directed at me. I remember thinking Briana was so strong.
"I responded to every comment," Briana says about her social media posts at the beginning of her cosplay journey. I remembered this about her. I read them and admired for her being so strong despite the ongoing homophobic, fatphobic, and downright racist comments she received. Sooooo strong, and yet...
When her partner, Jessica, came home earlier that day, she noticed that Briana had been responding to each and every comment on Tumblr and told her to turn anonymous comments off. "I was like, 'I can't do that, I have to show people that if you get bullied, there's a person who can stand up and deal with it'," Briana describes of that day.
Jessica persisted, pointing out that she had been on Tumblr all day responding to comments. She again told Briana she should turn anonymous comments off. Almost instantly, Briana felt a sense of relief. "It was this moment of 'oh my God, I'm allowed to walk away'."
Waiting To Exhale: Are Your Strong Friends Holding Their Breath?
"I don't think people realize that the strong friend doesn't usually start out as being strong." Briana says
"I'm very vocal about different issues and I write about them and it's really great. But people don't understand how much that weighs down on you because most of us are pulling from personal experiences."
One thing we talked about is this iconic scene from Waiting to Exhale. Yes, that one. Where Angela Basset's character Bernie burns the car of her cheating husband. It's a pretty memorable scene that left many people saying the 90's equivalent catchphrase of YASSSSS QUEEN.
Briana brings up a great point about this scene. "Everyone talks about how she burnt the car and its badass but before that, she sat in her room and cried and even after [that scene] she cried some more. That comes with the territory of being the strong friend..."
Forgetting that our strong friends have feelings and pain behind that strength is doing them a disservice. We believe tears and strength cannot coexist. That's the trap we fall into, believing our strong friends are exempt from the pain they're always saving us from.
Too Strong and Too Soft: A Confusing and Frustrating Paradox
"It's so frustrating because they don't want us to be vulnerable, but they don't want us to be too strong either," Briana says
I can definitely see what she means by this. It's almost like we expect our strong friends to be strong within our parameters. It's like we tell them, you need to be strong, but in a way that is beneficial to me and this has to change.
"With the strong friend title they forget about the friend part," Briana says "And just focus on the strength part."
While this paradox can present itself in times of support, it can also present itself when your strong friend is being outspoken. Once they hit a nerve with someone, they're expected to pull back.
"I thought our friendship could withstand [inset topic]" is something that Briana often hears. Because she's often outspoken on these issues that often affect her personally, there seems to be this unspoken soft spot she hits with people. "I thought our friendship could withstand this" often translates to "I love it when you speak out, just not about me"
They're telling their strong friend on the surface that they hope their friendship could withstand differing politics, subtle racist tweets, and separating their friend from their sexuality. But what they're really saying is "I thought our friendship could stay beneficial to me and not disrupt my beliefs."
Whatever the case, this is exhausting. Whether the lack of support comes from not having the space to be vulnerable or only being heard under certain terms, we have to do better for our strong friends.
How to Support Your Strong Friends
It was difficult for Briana to be vulnerable, even just on social media. When expressing her feelings on Facebook, she got responses from people who said: "I don't know how to talk to you because you're so strong" (<----see, there's that saying again).
Briana describes how one of her friends showed how to be supportive in the right way "She was like 'I know you're busy and I'm busy but whenever you're free we can get together and watch anime'...that's all I wanted!"
It's not always about having the right advice or cuddling them when they cry. Sometimes your strong friend doesn't need advice or cuddles. Sometimes they just need a distraction, a neutral zone that they can build themselves up again. And that's ok.
"Don't just check on us when we're suffering...also be there when we're having a good day." Briana brings up a really good point about not just being there in trials or triumph, but in those boring in-between moments as well. Invite them to lunch when nothing particularly exciting is going on. Ask them how they're holding up just because it's Wednesday. Draw them a picture because you know it will cheer them up.
"I Shouldn't Have to Defend Myself From YOUR Friends": A Quiz
Small rant before we get to the quiz. One of my biggest peeves about Facebook is going through hoops to keep all of my content limited to only the people I want to see it. While I've made attempts at putting stricter privacy setting such as "Friends Only", by some small loophole, a status you make could still be seen by your friends Racist Uncle Twice Removed.
Briana said something that was really impactful, especially in regards to Facebook.
"I shouldn't have to defend myself from your friends"
Grab your pencils guys, this is your Quinzel Quiz of the day
Your strong friend posts something that your Racist Uncle sees (cause the way Facebook sets up mutuals, it happens). Racist Uncle does what he does best, which means sending a profoundly hateful and misspelled lashing to your strong friend.
In this situation, do you:
A) Assume your strong friend will handle it because she's great at this kind of thing
B) Let your uncle know that he shouldn't talk to your friend that way and why, thus putting a protective barrier between your strong friend and your racist uncle who still needs help setting up his iPad
The answer is B. But often times what plays out is A. It goes back to the assumption that this strong friend has GOT IT because they are vocal from these issues, so why should this be any different?
That line of thinking isn't supportive to your strong friends. It's one thing to defend yourself from strangers, but having people that you consider friends who just leave you hanging puts strong friends in a position of not only having to fight their own battles but yours too. Next time this happens, tell your Racist Uncle to take a hike and buy him a dictionary for Christmas. Auto correct will thank you.
All I really want us to do is ask ourselves are we supporting our strong friends in a way that's equal into the way they support us? Are we giving them space to be vulnerable? Or are we contributing to a burnout?
I can't tell you the number of times that I faced something in my life that was really hard but didn't think of myself as a strong person because I faced it with tears streaming down my face. I get down on myself because I think both can't co-exist. But Briana reinforced for me that I can cry my eyes out for hours and still be strong.
Briana has lived a life of pain, loss, and frustration. But she has also chased her dreams, fell in love, and continues to influence and affect everyone she meets in a positive way.
Your strong friend is this beautiful, vulnerable individual who is a force to be reckoned with. They take their tears and often turn them into a shield, protecting others from the pain they've been through. Their voice is loud because they're often speaking for the timid and unheard.
To Briana, Leslie, and all of my strong friends.
You are wonderful
You are appreciated
You are heard
I woke up Monday morning to many pictures on my feed of Selma Blair wearing this gorgeous dress. What I didn't understand at first was why so many people were tagging me in it.
She has a cane. She has Multiple Sclerosis. Just like me.
I've discussed many times on the blog and on the podcast that I have MS. Shocker, right? First response I always get it that I don't LOOK sick.
Gee thanks, where's my Emmy?
But I conquer a whole level of commentary once I leave the house with my cane. And I hate it. I'm glad that Selma showed us that you don't need to put away your dreams because of your diagnosis. But I need to take the time to let you know that people can say some shitty things when they see you have a cane.
Do I need my cane all the time? No. Should I be using it more often? ...yes, but to be quite honest, I don't use it as much as I need to. As I get bombarded with these variation of comments.
"You're too young to use a cane!"
While I want to give them a pass because, as I discussed on the podcast, I look and dress like I am 16 years old, after hearing it for the 545,640,590,123,509th time, it gets old
...older than I am BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!
Don't remind me that I can't run around here like my peers, cane free. And don't invalidate my struggle because I don't LOOK the way you want my sick ass to look.
"What's that thing even for anyway?"
The weirdest thing about this comment is that they know damn well that it's a cane and they know damn well I am using it to walk. What they want is to open the door for me to give them more information. And if you're an acquaintance, a co-worker, or just a goddamned stranger, I don't owe you an explanation.
"But you were walking yesterday!"
Ohhhh, that last one. Yes, I can walk without a cane. I still have legs. They aren't the most functional. But they are capable of short distances. I get to decide what days I need my cane and what days I don't. Deal with it.
My Best Comebacks
You need a good set of coping skills to deal with these comments. Fortunately, I have a smart mouth. So here's some of the comebacks I have to the questions I get
"What are you doing with a cane?" Minding my own business, mind yours
"Why do you have that?" It's a fashion accessory, don't you know? It's totally in
"You're too young for a-" And you've been around long enough to know that what you're saying is rude. Stop it!
"I think you're faking being sick" On the contrary, I fake being well
Maybe Selma Blair using her cane is a good thing. Maybe a few well-meaning people will choose their words more carefully before speaking.
And maybe, just maybe, they will start making more fashionable canes. One to match every outfit? Nerdy canes? Yes please.
What did you guys think of Selma Blair and her cane? Do you or anyone you know have Multiple Sclerosis? Leave me a note in the comments section below, I don't bite 🙂
Can I just tell y'all how much I NEVER wanna see another hospital again? If you've been following, I've been sick, stuck in a hospital room and ultimately getting *gasp* surgery. Now that I'm released, I'm confined to Netflix. So I thought I'd give you guys a rundown of what I have been watching.
Just so you know, I avoided Bird Box completely. I loved the memes, but I just feel like I'm not going to watch it and I am going to be stubborn about it. Going forward, you won't hear s#!t from me about Bird Box
100% Hotter (Netflix)
I needed a show where i didn't really have to think. Something I could conk out on pain meds and still follow what was going on once I woke up. My friend recommended this show and said it wasn't as shaming as a certain-show-on-TLC-is/was. And that the stylists even worked to keep them within their original look. Cool! Sold.
I'd recommend it because it's not a farm mill pushing out the same end result just on different people. The stylists seem to really cater to each individual and their personal style. And it's given me some ideas as to what to do with my own style that keeps constantly changing.
I Feel Bad (Hulu)
This show came up randomly after I dozed off for a bit and honestly, it was a happy little accident. What could have just been another white show about white problems turned out to be this really cool, really authentically diverse show. Meds or not, this was a pretty entertaining show.
She frigging works for a fictional gaming company *jealous*
(My husband would like to tell you all that this show is essentially Black-ish with a few differences. There, honey, I told them.)
Tidying Up With Marie Kondo (Netflix)
This show got a lot of hate that I only noticed after I finished it. I gotta be honest here. This isn't going to be a hate review, I really liked this show. I felt like it was very different from other "throw out your clutter" shows in that it didn't emphasize shaming each person. I felt like each person was relatable in their own way and I didn't get lost in sitting on my couch like "Ahhhh I least I'm NOT AS MESSY AS YOU!!!" because truth is, I struggle with laundry too. And if my broke ass had the money, I'd so pay someone to do it and put it away.
Loved the black family because they were already so full of joy and I felt like Marie participated in that joy. They also just seemed like a really sweet, kind family and they were very refreshing to watch
I like when she entered each house that she bowed, it showed a lot of respect like "hey, I get this is your house and I'm just a visitor. I'm here to help, not to judge."
Did I mention I LOVED how there was no suggestions to go buy more things to be more organized? That she used what they already had? Ahhh, glorious!
The real question is: when I am recovered from my surgery am I going to go through my junk? uhhhh, I can't really think about that right now.
I've seen the first season...actually, last time I was in the hospital XD and I feel like I get a sick satisfaction from Zoey fucking up her early college experience. But that's cause we ALLLLL been there. It's kind of comforting knowing someone as gorgeous as her is overthinking as much as the rest of us. Especially over relationships. I mean, I'm married now but GOD DATING WAS SUCH A PAIN. Does he like me? Does he not? Is he texting someone else? Is he thinking about Pringles? I don't miss those days.
I will say that my hair did not look as good as hers does in college. I lived in bandanas and PJs. Cause screw looking pretty when I'm living on 2 hours of sleep. But you do you, Zoey.
So those have been my binges so far. Hopefully, I'll get off this damn couch soon. What are you guys watching right now? Tell me all about it in the comments section below.
NOTE: Spoilers about the after credit scene, jsyk
Once Upon A Deadpool is here just in time for Christmas. As told by your favorite man-in-red, the entire plot from Deadpool 2 is read to Fred Savage, who is duct taped to a bed.
And what, might you ask, did this Christmas-y rendition teach me?
To never EVER allow them to make Deadpool a PG-13 movie.
Once Upon A Deadpool might have lacked the F-word but, starting now, I'm not gonna.
First, you should know that Once Upon A Deadpool is literally Deadpool 2 with, like, DVD commentary alongside Fred Savage.
I could forgive that. After all, who doesn't need more Deadpool in their lives? Who doesn't need a movie with a Christmas-y title that has nothing to do with the actual holiday? Let's be honest, sometimes ya just need a break.
But whoever the FUCK thought it was a good idea to sit through a Deadpool movie with limited cursing and blurred out asses has got to be out of their fucking mind.
Adult humor is Deadpool. I didn't spend my week working 40+ hours for a paycheck to spend it on a Deadpool movie with BLEEPS! You gotta be *bleep*ing kidding me.
I am begging anyone in power. Anyone who has any hand in this. You wouldn't order a BLT and be satisfied if they left out the bacon. Don't take the bacon out of Deadpool. DO. NOT. EVER make it PG-13
PG-13 Deadpool Sucks *bleep*. Go See It Anyway
Once you get past the bleeps, Russell telling everyone to "freak off" instead of "fuck off", and even a blurred out baby Deadpool ass, this damn movie redeems itself.
You gotta wait until the very end. The final, final end credits scene
That's right, Excelsior! Right in the feels.
There's an earlier bit you should watch for. In Deadpool 2 when Domino flies over the city in a parachute, there's a Stan Lee mural. In Once Upon A Deadpool, this scene happens but on the Stan Lee mural, there's a small R.I.P. on it.
Think that was it? Grab your tissues folks
We get some funny outtakes of Stan Lee, doing his normal Marvel cameo for the film. Then he begins talking about the creation of Deadpool. The screen fills with images of a very happy Stan Lee.
The last thing you see before the screen fades to black?
One word: Excelsior
Now That I Can't Stop Crying, Should I See It, Quinzel?
For the final, final post-credit scene? Yes
For the PG-13 rating? Absolutely not. I will riot if they ever do this again
What did you guys think of
Deadpool 2 Once Upon A Deadpool? Do you like the idea of Deadpool potentially being a PG-13 movie? Feel free to be wrong in the comments section below.
*Don't worry guys, this review is spoiler free!
I got the chance to see Ralph Breaks the Internet and, let me tell you, it was a wang dang doodle of a good time.
If you haven't noticed, I am a full-fledged adult (I know, shocking!). And honestly I enjoyed it as much, if not more, than the kiddos.
Here's 5 reasons why your grown @$$ will love it too:
Gaming and Internet References Galore
This movie has all the gaming nostalgia that Wreck-It Ralph had. Now, we see references to all the things we know and love about the internet. It would be a fun game to see who can find the most logos.
Cosplay You Say?
A Geeky Girl can't really walk away from a good movie without finding a new cosplay and this one is no different. Yesss (and yes, her name is Yesss) would be the dopest cosplay ever. I mean just look at this ensemble.
This Movie Passes Bechdel Test
Two women talk to each other about something other than a man. Good job Disney!
The Cameo We All Need Right Now
There's a short cameo of a person that would really put a smile to your face. You need this cameo, trust me.
Can you spot it?
Disney Princesses Steal The Show
After much controversy over Tiana's hair, we knew the Disney Princesses would be in the film. But man, I was glad to see them in it. As someone who grew up watching these gals, it was quite amuzing to see them interact with each other.
I would not be surprised if Disney sold that pajama set. I'd give it my coins.
Tiana's hair upgrade was *meh* but whatever at least they actually included her, amiright?
Have you seen Ralph Breaks the Internet? What did you think of
Tiana's hair uh, I mean the movie? Sound off in the comments section below.
***This review has spoilers: Proceed with caution***
Let's Start Here: The Book vs. The Movie
I’m going to be real with you: you will not be disappointed. Yes, there are many book-to-movie adaptations gone wrong. They will leave you confused and heartbroken.
This movie is not one of them.
Obviously, no movie can keep EVERYTHING from the book because, well, we would be there for 6 hours (not that I’d mind). However, I believe they did a great job with knowing what to cut, and new scenes staying in line with the overall focus of the book.
Kudos to you, George Tillman, Jr.
This Movie is NOT Trauma Porn
And it could have easily been. One thing I noted was the “quiet storm” that was King (why, Falcon, WHY!!). We didn’t need to see him beating the almighty hell out of Seven to know that this dude was fucking it up for anyone who crossed him. You didn’t even need to read the book to know that he definitely beat Seven’s mom after they left.
There are MANY scenes that could have been shot just for shock value, and I’m so grateful that they went for realism instead. Don’t get me wrong, you will need several boxes of tissues. But it’s not set out to shock, disturb, or disgust you. It’s set out to tell the real-life experiences that Black people face every day.
Maverick Carter is the Father We All Need In Our Lives
Russell Hornsby did a stellar job as Big Mav. I’m thinking this is going to be a separate blog post, but if you can gain anything from Big Mav, its never judge a book by its cover.
He entered donned in tattoos (no teardrops, however) and a past that involved gangs, drugs, and imprisonment. This man was the glue that held his family together. Some things to note about him:
- In his most stressful moment, when the cops pushed him up against the glass, he never once screamed at his family
- He encouraged Starr to “let it out” and used his traumatic experiences to give her just what she needed
- He was always kind and affectionate to their mother, even when they disagreed
Think you can say that about King?
How about Bill Cosby? (Don’t start, Quinzel)
I Definitely Wanted To Go 'Elevator Solange' on Hailey
I can guarantee that every black girl has gone through that level of gaslighting with a white friend. And usually confronting them on their bullshit, ends with them in tears, so you end up comforting them.
I was worried about seeing Hailey onscreen because the book version made me SOOOO angry. I read the whole "pretend like it's a piece of fried chicken, Starr" part as really aggressive. But in the movie, she had that clueless look on her face that's all too familiar. That look where you ALMOST believed that she really didn't mean any of what she said. However, both in the book and the movie, there were plenty of hints that Hailey knew exactly what she was doing, she was just really great at deflecting.
And you know what? I liked that! It gave the audience a chance to understand Starr's frustration. I also appreciate the realness of them never making up. Same as the book, but seeing it on screen was great because there are just some people who aren't gonna get it and you really do have to just move on.
Again, more realness than I expected to see onscreen. More kudos
Sekani, Your Name Means Joy
I want you to take a close look at this picture. Look really hard at the young boy. And I want you to ask yourself one question.
Could you kill him?
From the start of this movie, you can clearly see why his name means joy. His bright smile and high pitched laugh were enough to make your heart melt. Watching the scene with Mav and the cops is even more painful with seeing Sekani crying. Your heart will break for this sweet little boy.
The ending, while it didn't occur in the book, was arguably the most important scene in the movie. It brings full circle to The Hate U Give and what it means. Literal gasps filled the theater as Sekani pointed the gun and said: "get away from my daddy!"
In a flash, we could see what happens next, the cops kill this poor little boy before a bullet even leaves the gun. A mother watches her son's last breath. And the news doesn't depict anything about him that we already know. They won't discuss his smile, his laughter, the fact that he still can't aim in the toilet. People will shake their heads in judgment thinking nothing of a seven-year-old's death and criticize him for holding a gun in the first place. In those short moments, the audience all saw this happening. I could even hear sobs from a rush of tears. Thankfully, Starr shielded him and none of that happened.
But my mind immediately went to Tamir Rice. That baby is no longer here.
When tragedy strikes, people deflect any way they can, often making the victim as less human as they can. So if you watched that scene and cried, you need to know that none of this is really fiction.
Don't even get me started on Lyric. If you read the book, you can understand that that poor baby saw A LOT of fucked up stuff. And what about her? How will the hate that she's given fuck everybody? That's what The Hate U Give is all about.
Angie Thomas wrote the book that inspired this movie. She used her voice and it's already making a huge impact.
How will you use your voice?
Seriously, just consider this my hate list. *grabs gasoline for the fire*
I love reading. I love writing. I'm ok with some books. Meaning, I'm not going to throw your book up against the wall if I feel it's mediocre because maybe someone loves it. Maybe it's just not for me. Maybe another person would...
But let me just interrupt myself to tell you, this is not the case with these books. I hate em. I'm not nice about it. And who wants to be cold this winter? Not me. Throw them in a fire.
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment by Steve Harvey
I'm throwing this in first to get the fire going. Get it going real good. Yes, that's it. Burn, baby, burn.
Ok, Steve, you want me to wait 90 days to have sex, cool. Ok, we're together now. You want me to never withhold sex..I? WHAT DO YOU WANT, STEVE HARVEY??
It drove me up a wall to read page after page of how men can be sexually free because it's just in their nature but I dare not even give off a whiff of sexuality or I will never find love. This was a manual on crossing your legs, never cussing, and never being anything less than lady like. In return, you'll bear children to a guy who feels like it's not a "man's job" to change a diaper. Hooray??
Basically, the book is not only an archaic way of how a woman should be, but you're also literally getting relationship advice from someone who has cheated on his own wife, so yeah.
Bared to You by Sylvia Day
Now, this isn't going in the fire because of bad writing. Close to the same premise of that other fake bondage book, it's actually not written badly at all. Seriously, no shade to Sylvia Day.
But all the shade to the main character, Gideon Cross. Because if you don't GET YOURSELF TO A GODDAMN THERAPIST, YOU HAVE ALL THIS MONEY YOU CAN AFFORD TO- ok woosah, Quinzel, just throw it in. *fire roars*
50 Shades of...anything
Oh, this fire is getting warm and toasty. I'd tell you more about why I hate these books, but after three tries, I couldn't get past page 20. Consider me and E.L. James to be rivals. One on the Evil side, and the other on the Ok, I'm Evil But Not THAT Evil side.
*pokes at the fire* does anyone want a hot dog?
TW: The following article discusses sexual trauma, abuse, and assault from a victims perspective. While it does not give details, it does go in depth on an emotional level and may be triggering for some. Proceed with caution
This week has been, for lack of a better word, trying for survivors of sexual abuse, misconduct, and harassment. I'd throw some statistics here, but chances are if you're reading this, you've been a victim at some point. Stats can only account for those who come forward. It doesn't account for those suffering in silence at every Bill Cosby or Harvey Weinstein water cooler talk at the office.
While you can usually plug in your earphones and drown them out while you work (guilty), there's just one Facebook post that I can't seem to get away from.
Ah, a nice little meme. A way for your friends to show solidarity with you. A chance to have someone not only believe you, but take action.
So...why do I not feel great about this pic being shared?
First Of All, This Should've Been Done A Long Time Ago
It should not take a meme. It should not take a high profile court case. It should not take several high profile court cases.
Because some of y'all knew. But felt I was too drunk. Felt my "no" wasn't clear enough. Felt it didn't count because we were dating. Felt I was sleeping around anyway.
So don't pretend you're my ally now.
So This Is Awkward, My Abuser is Your Significant Other or Family Member
There's a level of pain seeing someone on your friends list, cuddled up, smiling with your abuser. Your abuser has friends, your abuser gets engaged, your abuser has kids.
But what's even more painful is seeing that partner post that. Maybe you don't even realize they are together until you look through their profile. But it it remains: do I tell the truth? Do i risk being called a liar? What is that going to do for my healing?
Sending A Name, Just A Name, No Details, Could Make Me Relive My Trauma
Because that name is ruined for me now. That name is forever printed in my head surrounded by fear, anger, hurt, and confusion (gaslighting is a bitch!).
I can't type that name, because it's at the very top of an unstable tower and typing that name would be the final structure to have it all come crashing down.
There's so much fear of being called a liar, of you wanting to press for details, and also that I just may never stop crying after typing that name.
I just need you to know. It hurts.
Ok, So What Should We Do Instead?
You need ction. A meme is a passive gesture. Anyone can share a meme. But what do you plan to do after you get that name? Are you really going to block them? Are you going to confront them? Cut them out of your life?
You gotta have the uncomfortable yet authentic conversations with your friends. If you want to know if you're connected to an abuser, gain peoples trust. No one will open up to you unless they trust you first. Talk with your friends. Look out for your friends. Intervene when you see something that isn't ok.
*Forrest Gump voice* And that's all I have to say about that.
WizardFest is just around the corner, and it's got me thinking about Harry Potter quotes that have stuck with me the most. Swearing I'm up to no good is a great quote for my fun life, but there are some Harry Potter quotes that have healed me like no other.
So, if you're considering going to WizardFest, or if you're wanting to throw a WizardFest in the comfort of your own reading nook, take a second to re-live these quotes with me. Feel free to use these yourself 🙂
"It Matters Not What Someone Is Born, But What They Grow Up To Be"
"It Does Not Do To Dwell On Dreams And Forget To Live"
"Numbing the Pain For A While Will Make It Worse When You Finally Feel It"*
*i feel kinda called out*
"It Is Our Choices, Harry, That Show What We Truly Are, Far More Than Our Abilities."
Tell me your favorite Harry Potter quotes that got you through tough times. Then treat yourself by going to WizardFest 😉
*knock* *knock* Hello there, have you heard the good word about WizardFest? No? Let me tell you.
WizardFest is a big ass Harry Potter dance party where you can shake your wands and shake your booty
Still mad about not getting your Hogwarts letter? You need to go.
Defending your house to anyone who will listen? You need to go.
After all this time? You. Need. To. Go.
And they are hosting them all over, so check to see if WizardFest is in your city. If you're 18 or older, you'll be able to enjoy the costume contest, dance party, and a boozy butterbeer (but only if you're of legal age, sorry). It might even make up for not living anywhere near Universal Studios
So, now that you've decided you're going (cause you are) how are you gonna hold your stuff?
Might I suggest...
Hedwig Figural Drawstring Backpack because someone might need to send you a message while you're dancing the night away
Harry Potter 12" Fashion Wizardy Backpack to give you that Hogwarts feel
Girl's Harry Potter Wristlet, of course, you can't lose it if it's tied to your wrist
Time Turner Crossbody Bag I'd die if I had this one <3
The Monster Book of Monsters wheres that eyeball emoji when you need it because I love this one too
Tom Riddle's Diary Crossbody Bag don't actually read it tho
Harry Potter Wand Velvet Crossbody Bag you will probably rub your hand on the velvet all night, but you'll look fabulous while doing it
Are ya going to WizardFest? Are you dying over one of these bags? Drop us a comment and let us know.