Encanto: To The Girls Who Never Got to Hear ‘I’m Sorry’ From Their Grandmothers

**Warning** Major Spoilers if You Haven't Seen Disney's Encanto. Encanto is Now Available to Stream on Disney Plus

I know I'm late to hop on the Encanto craze. Forgive me, I tend to avoid movies where people who have watched it say "I loved it! I cried so much!" Not that I can't handle a good cry, but I definitely need to be in a space to mentally prepare myself for Disney breaking my soul and taking my money at the same time.

I decided it was time to give Encanto a try when I felt a bit stronger. But it hit me in a way that didn't touch most people.

First off, I heavily relate to Mirabel. The quirky one, the odd duck, the black sheep of the family who could awkwardly joke her way out of any situation,

Much like Mirabel, there was a moment in my young life where my grandmother adored me as her other grandchildren, I enjoyed this moment in my life as many people, old and young, looked up to my grandmother as some sort of royalty.

When Mirabel sings "Abuela runs this show" it's a familiar sentiment in my family, What grandma says goes. Also like Abuela, my grandmother was statuesque, her stance was graceful, and her knowledge was bountiful.

Like Abuela, my grandmother never yelled or even raised her voice. But the feeling of her disappointment or disapproval was loud enough to shatter glass.

Just like the moment that Mirabel was unable to open her door, a shift happened between me and my grandmother. Suddenly, I went from Golden Child to Black Sheep. I went from being a precious child to someone who would not fit into the family mold.

My grandmother was delicate and skilled in her need for control. The foundation of the family was a chessboard, and we were all my grandmother's pieces. We were to move in ways that dictated the family image in a good light. And if we didn't, it was never a subtle sign that you weren't a playable piece. Back in the game box we went.

Was there trauma in my grandmother's life like Abuela? Absolutely. There was pain, there was hurt, and there was loss.

But unlike Mirabel, I never would hear the words "I'm sorry" from my grandmother.

Abuela recognized what she had done when Mirabel brought it to her attention. She took the time to wrestle with what she had done, versus what she had meant to do. She didn't resist rebuilding the family foundation after being faced with what it had done to the family.

But some of us are not as lucky.

I cried because I never got "I'm sorry." I cried because when I stood up to my grandmother, I was seen as the enemy; as a defiant, spoiled little girl. I cried because I will never get her to understand that her house is crumbling. She will stubbornly stand tall, as everything crumbles around her, and think "This is all because of Quinzel. If she would have just been normal like everyone else..."

I couldn't save the foundation that I was born into. There was no way to seal the cracks once they got big enough to let floodwaters in.

So I left, and I built my own foundation. And started my own family.

Some of us are tasked with breaking generational curses. Some of us are here to expose that the family foundation is sinking.

To the girls who heard her disapproval loud and clear.

To the girls who wanted a hug and got a look of disappointment.

To the girls who never got to hear "I'm sorry" from their grandmothers.

You are more than your grandmother's approval

Mirabel was only able to help her family after they accepted her help. Don't burn yourself out trying to keep others warm. If the first home doesn't welcome you, build your own. Build it with sweat and tears and coping techniques and calming exercises. Build it with an excellent therapist who helps you along the way.

But most of all, build it with a village full of people who see you, just you. Not a reflection of their own trauma.

Did you see Encanto? What did you think of Mirabel and Abuela's relationship? What's your relationship with your own grandmother like? Tell me all about it in the comments below.

You Can’t Just Be Creative

A while ago I wrote a blog post about buying a new camera for my YouTube videos. I was struggling just filming with my phone, and felt that a camera would be a decent investment. I narrowed down my choices and ended up getting the Sony ZV-1.

It has been a pretty good choice for me. The main complaint I have about it is that it eats battery life like it is starving. To combat that, I purchased three additional batteries along with a charger, and that has worked for me thus far. I may need more batteries down the line, we shall see.

I knew a while back that you can't just 'make' YouTube videos. You have to edit them as well. I started out on simple software that allowed me to do basic things. As I gained more knowledge, I needed the ability to do more. A lot of people use Final Cut Pro (Apple Produce) or Adobe Premiere Pro.

I did not and do not like the idea of paying a subscription service for a product that I rely on to do things if that makes sense. It is the same reason I haven't upgraded from Microsoft Office 2007. There is nothing in the Office 365 version that I need bad enough to subscribe and have to pay a monthly fee for. No thank you. With a little help from my husband, I started using Blender.

Blender is known as a 3D rendering software. It allows you to make art and stretch your creativity. It also has a video editing portion and that is what I use. It allows me to do a lot of the things I see other youtubers do. If you can do it in Final Cut Pro, chances are I can do it in Blender as well. There are also a ton of tutorials on Youtube for Blender. Everything I have learned how to do, I've learned from Youtube. It's gotten to a point where I can look for a tutorial on how to do something, watch it, and it may be set up for FCP, but I know the tools of Blender well enough to apply the tutorial to Blender itself. It may take a few extra steps, but I get it done.

Me learning how to use overlays in Blender.

I never thought I would use the other portions of blender. I am not a graphics artist. I am not an artist period. I suck at art. I literally got a D in 6th grade art. But I am learning I can create visual effects for my videos in the other modes of Blender, which means more tutorials.

What I am learning in my ripe old age, is that doing something doesn't just mean doing it and being done with it. I wanted to make podcasts. You don't just record and that's it. You have to learn your software, you have to learn to edit, you have to learn how to upload. You can't just make youtube videos. You have to know how to edit. If there is something special, you have to learn how to do that as well. Sure, you can pay someone to do it, but you have to at least know a little bit so you can express what it is that you want from them. Every time I pick something up, my brain gets stretched a little more. In the beginning of the pandemic, I started writing again. I wrote a whole fan fiction book. You can see the improvement from where I began to where I started, as fiction and dialog writing is much more difficult that writing a blog. I have been out of school for many years, I have forgotten the rules, so I had to do my research. My bookshelves are filled with K-pop and writing books.

The same is true with all of my other hobbies. I am learning and growing. It's never a simple matter of just doing the thing, no matter how much someone tells you that you just need to get out there and and do it. For you to be great, you have to be willing to learn. I like to succeed in everything I do. I'm trying. I'm learning, and I am working. Thank you for sticking with me.

Some of the learning I am doing. Enjoy!

Simone Biles and Choosing Peace Over People Pleasing

Watching the Olympics without a hint of athletic ability, a bowl of ice cream in hand, has become a pastime of mine recently. I'd never be able to conquer such athletic feats, but my gosh, I am an enthusiastic fan and I just want everyone to win.

Seeing Simone Biles in gymnastics was a game-changer for me. We just didn't see black women in gymnastics. All she had to do was wave and I was already hype.

This year, for the Tokyo 2021 Olympics, the diversity of the American Olympics team has me hooting and hollering! We have a whole team of strong women of color, it's amazing.

Watching Simone Biles this year, I cheered for her flips. And like a black woman in church when a child stutters through their Easter speech, I still cheered for her stumbles ("That's alright, baby!" "Go ahead, baby!").

So when I heard the news that Simone decided to withdraw from the competition, citing mental health issues, I felt a confirmation in my heart stiring.

I knew at that moment, that I was not just admiring someone who was the GOAT. I stan an absolute queen.

That queen energy is in all of us though. We are all champions that are deserving of love and care and praise. We are amazing being that touch and inspire the immediate people in our lives just in the ways that Simone had inspired us.

And because of this, we all deserve to choose peace when we need it. We have the right to choose ourselves over everything. Even when everyone is watching. We don't have to light ourselves on fire to keep everyone else warm.

Simone Biles is an inspiration, a person to be admired. And it has nothing to do with her bringing a medal home. Simone prioritizing her mental health over all else, in such a huge spotlight, gives us all permission to do the same. For that, she will always be a champion to me.

COVID Cosplay: Coordinating Your Mask With Your Cosplay

We've been dealing with COVID for well over a year but we aren't quite out of the woods yet. While conventions are resuming in most places, the most recent Delta Variant (which, for those of you who have watched the Loki series on Disney plus, the word 'variant' will always make me chuckle) adds a bit of uncertainty to these events.

For those of you who are new here, I have Multiple Sclerosis, my immune system sucks as it is, I have a little one in my household, and all those things aside, I generally just care about people and would like to avoid spreading COVID.

I talked about this on the podcast, but I had a pretty bad MS-related relapse in November/December. I went to the ER and the entire hospital was FULL. So full, in fact, they had to put my bed in the hallway.

Saying that to say, you won't find conspiracy theories here. Just a human being that's firsthand seen the effects of COVID while already dealing with my own illness. If hospitals had an Annual Season Pass, I'd be an elite member. So please understand that when it comes to mask-wearing, it's absolutely no big deal to me.

At the time I'm writing this post, the CDC recommends that if you're vaccinated, you do not have to wear a mask. But attending a large convention could make one nervous, even if you are vaccinated. COVID aside, I've always hated catching the dreaded Con Crud anyway, so I had an idea.

Even if the convention doesn't require it, what if I got creative and started coordinating masks with my cosplay?

I also thought back to the year 2020 and seeing all of my favorite conventions get canceled one by one. 2020 was a rough year, and that is a major understatement. So many things that brought me joy were out of reach and I was surrounded with news of death and uncertainty.

Conventions are back and I'm grateful enough to not want to pitch a fit if they end up having to require masks. I'd imagine if Con Crud is a thing, then surely COVID and its variants is something to be concerned about.

Take it from someone with Multiple Sclerosis, being sick sucks. It sucks a lot more than wearing a mask.

To avoid getting the plain blue mask at the door or just grabbing a random one, wouldn't it be fun if I just made it match my cosplay instead?

I thought I'd try it out this past weekend. Here's a pic of me in my Loki/Sylvie Variant cosplay. I bought this mask from Hot Topic. I chose this one because the moon phases appear on a floor of a certain building they enter (trying not to spoil the series if you haven't seen it).

I noticed Hot Topic had lots of masks you could coordinate with your cosplay. I found a Stitch mask for my Lilo and Stitch cosplay and a really cool skull mask for a Black Widow cosplay I'm planning.

Knowing I'd be wearing a mask, I emphasized my eye makeup. I used a green shimmer eyeliner. I've also been looking up YouTube tutorials on eyeshadow. Making my eyes pop helps if I don't want to make the mask so prominent on my face.

Another thing people worry about is makeup or lipstick smudging on the mask. First, let me say, primer is your friend. I use a pretty cheap one, let it dry, and it won't rub off the mask. For lipstick, the best lipstick that will not rub off at all is hands down, Beauty Bakerie. Once you put that lip whip on, it is going nowhere. Honestly, it can withstand eating, drinking, and other activities without rubbing off. Beauty Bakerie is mask approved. In a pinch? You can spray all-day primer on any lipstick you are currently using and let it dry. Here's a pic of me at the end of the day after taking off my mask. That lipstick stayed ON!

To make it easier to breathe and to make it so the mask doesn't sit directly on your lipstick, I bought a pack of these 3D Mask Brackets to go under my mask from Amazon. It also makes it much easier to talk in your mask too, I find.

Overall, there are so many amazing fabrics out there that will match your cosplay perfectly and keep everyone safe at the same time. Here's to being able to enjoy cons again! I'm hoping we can continue to enjoy them for a long time 😁

Shownu is Leaving; Leslie can’t cope

Leslie learned that Shownu is leaving for military service July 22nd. She hasn't been right since. Give her a hug if you see her (Please don't touch her if you see her. Unless you are Shownu). She is joined by Kat and Chelsey as they try to deal with her meltdowns. They talk cons, games, and Kat's amazing luck. Listen in!

 

Kat can be found on Twitter @naraku_senpai

Chelsey can also be found there @xChalupitax

QUINZEL HAS A BOOK YALL! CHECK IT OUT HERE: Quinzel's Guide to Life

Send Quinzel a joyful message on Twitter: @QuinzeLee

 

Send us a hello:

Geeky Girls' Night In

PO Box 90232 Indianapolis, In. 46290

 

Special thanks to Michelle, Kim, and Beth for contributing to our Ko-Fi! If you would like to throw a dollar or two this way to keep the lights on (and the hosting going), consider donating to the Ko-fi. Ko-fi.com/geekygirlsni

We are popping out videos on Youtube! Hope you check them out! Geeky Girls' Night In Youtube

Facebook.com/geekygirlsnightin

Instagram.com/geekygirlguide

Twitter.com/geekygirlsNI

Twitter.com/Geekygirlguide

Check out the writings of Quinzel and I at www.geekygirlguide.com

‘In The Heights’ Review: Brown Boy Joy and So Much More!

Spoiler Warning: The following review contains spoilers to the theatrical release of In The Heights. You have been warned.

Hi, My name is Quinzel, and I haven't been to the movies in over a year.

I hadn't really missed much on the entertainment scene. Netflix, Hulu, Disney Plus, and even the release of HBO Max has kept me preoccupied during this pandemic. From the release of Mortal Kombat, to rewatching the entire series of Moesha from the '90s, streaming movies vs physically going to a movie theater wasn't so bad. Plus, the chances of catching a highly contagious virus were pretty minimal while watching at home. A lot of positives were wrapped in that choice.

However, there were a lot of things I missed about the movie theater. The smell of buttered popcorn, the laughter and at times, shock, from the audience, and those moments that just appear larger than life. You know, THOSE moments that just don't hit the same when you're watching from home.

Not all movies have those moments. But I've been a huge fan of In The Heights since the beginning. I saw it when it was on tour and played the musical soundtrack on repeat for years to come. I know every breath and every beat from the original Broadway soundtrack. There was a moment where I was about to enter my first job out of college, at a call center for a cable company. I HATED working in a call center. Dreading the moments before I would clock in, I blasted "It Won't Be Long Now" on repeat, imagining that I too, would be hopping on an elevator train taking me away from it all.

In The Heights had a very special place in my heart, so when I heard it was becoming a movie, I already knew I was seeing it. I figured that this movie was actually the perfect movie for me to see after such a long time away from the theater. I was able to completely immerse myself in this world and forget I was sitting in a dark theater from the first note.

Let me be clear about how this review is going to go: I loved this movie. And I think you will too. After the kind of *gestures at everything* we've all been through, we've all NEEDED this movie.

Brown Boy Joy

Something I LOVED about In The Heights is how it display brown men and boys just enjoying life! Happy, smiling, dancing joyful men. Showing emotions and unafraid to. Men in love, men grieving, men in pain, men feeling empathy, men feeling bashful. Showing something other than your typical stoic man is just so important and so amazing to see. I was extremely happy to see brown men in such a positive light. it made me happy to see. I'm only a little disappointed because this should be the norm. But this is why when you have people of color in charge of projects, you get more in-depth stories, more in-depth emotions, more relatable characters, and overall, more brown boy joy :).

We Are Not Invisible

One thing that people used to joke with me when I was younger and they would watch a musical "Black people don't just break into song, that would be weird" Truth is, the hood is music. A song comes on, someone jumps in to sing. A young boy is drumming on his desk. A car is playing music on their speakers down the block. The hood is nothing but song and dance. "We are not invisible" Abuela says to Nina, and it's true. We've been fed a lie that the formula to musical theater is...well, very white. I adore Lin Manuel Miranda for breaking the mold and paving the way so that POC are not invisible not just in the musical theater space, but to the world.

Smart Brown Kids Unite

Nina Rosario standing from In The Heights Movie

I don't know if Nina's story of dropping out of college is more impactful onscreen or if I've just gained more perspective on the issue over the last 13 years of my life. Just like Nina, I was the smart kid, the genius, the one everyone knew would go far. I finished college, but not without my fair share of hardships. When Nina recalls the story of being searched because her roommate accuses her of taking her personal belongings, I couldn't help to reflect on a similar story of when I was in college. I'm sure every POC will have that moment where they watch that scene and can reflect on a similar painful moment. Like anyone accepted to college, you're smart, but when you're a POC, it's always assumed that your acceptance is based on affirmative action, so you have to work twice as hard to prove your intelligence. You can't slip up or make a mistake like most kids do in college because as a POC, you are the first person the other students or administration will point fingers at. That doesn't even cover the amount of racism you encounter. From daily microaggressions to blatant racist actions against you (true story, I once had a swastika drawn on my dry erase board) mentally, the strain can be insurmountable on a POC going to college. Nina's feelings are all too relatable, even down to the struggle to tell her father and not want to disappoint her community.

Nina was such an important character and you definitely end up rooting for her the entire time. I loved seeing the way that this character has evolved from stage to film.

GO SEE IT! GO!

Even if you are like me and you've seen the musical and listened to the soundtrack countless times, this movie still brings new emotions as if you're seeing it for the first time ever. I laughed as if I've never heard the line "damn we only joking, stay broke then" before. The subtle twists and turns made this precious musical as if I were seeing it for the first time again.

For those who have never seen In The Heights, I totally recommend you go see it. Yes. even if musicals aren't your thing, this one is guaranteed to make you smile.

And just on the off chance that Lin-Manuel Miranda is reading this right now, I fell in love with In The Heights as a college graduate back in 2008 and have been in a musical relationship with it ever since. This musical has carried me through ups, downs, and further downs. What kept me going through every job rejection, every book rejection, and every broken heel at the bus stop (those Payless shoes break easily) was Vanessa's voice singing "It Won't Be Long Now". Now that In The Heights is a movie, I can look back and see that I made it. I held on, and I'm even closer to my dreams.

Thank you Lin-Manuel for making In The Heights possible. Your dream made it possible to live mine <3

I Want to Start a Revolution

This sounds alarming does it not? Like I want to go to war. I don't want to go to war. I want to be the change I want to see in the world. Leggo.

Scholastic Book Fair. As you read those words, all the book worms shudder in delight. It was a joyous time for so many. You would get the thin paper news letter beforehand with lists of books that you may want, and you spent time circling all the things that interest you. If you had the big bucks, you'd circle the arts and crafts offering, or the big book bundle on the back of the sheet near the order form.

God I loved looking at this every single year.

There were some of us that weren't so lucky. Your classmates who didn't even bother walking down to the book fair, because their parents couldn't afford lunch, much less the purchase of a book. I was one of those kids.

As a child who was reading beyond a high school level by third grade, the book fair brought with it a special kind of pain. All of those books, and I couldn't afford one. I'd sit in the classroom in silence, reading a book I picked up from the school library telling myself I wasn't jealous. My fourth grade year, someone noticed.

His name was Josh Huston. In later years, we didn't get along all that well, but in elementary school, you pretty much get along with everyone. He'd just returned from the book fair, and I asked to see the books he'd purchased. I don't remember what was said. I don't remember if I asked (I doubt I asked, in my house asking for something was seen as "begging" and I didn't want to beg anyone), but he handed me a book and told me I could keep it.

The book was "From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E Frankweiler"

This was the cover my book had, it has changed in the past 30 years.

I read this book until the cover fell off. It gave me my first insight into New York City, actual museums, and all sorts of different things I'd never heard of. It showed me the independence of a young girl who was tired of everyone's shit, and just wanted to live in a museum for some peace. It also showed me the practicality of kids, because she knew her brother was cheap as hell and would have money to use on this adventure.

I too was tired of everyone's shit. But I lived in the middle of a small town with no actual culture scene. Nothing that Claudia had. Claudia's journey allowed me to have one in my mind, one where I wasn't the weird one, or the burden. That I would get to live out my dreams, if only for a little bit (she does after all return home).

I know Josh wasn't thinking of all this when he handed me that book. He saw a girl who was sad that she didn't get to buy any reading materials of her own, and he had the power to make her not sad anymore. For that, I will be forever grateful, no matter how annoying he became as we grew into young adults.

This started something in me. I swore to myself, if I ever had children, I was going to pay it forward somehow. Time has passed, seasons have changed, and I am a parent to a rather intelligent Geekybaby. This year was her first Scholastic Book Fair, and have times changed. No more thin tissue paper book list that you fill out. Things are digital. They still are allowed to roam the book fair though, searching for that special book or books.

Geekybaby has been doing virtual learning all year, but we felt safe enough that she could go to school for her end of the year testing. Speaking with her teacher previously, I explained what I wanted to do, and on that day, I sent her to school with 40 dollars in an envelope to make sure some kids who may not be able to get a book, are able to. I was able to provide six kids with a book. I want to do more.

I've told this story on my personal Facebook page twice. Once maybe a year or two ago, and once this week. People have told me, since the last time I have told it, that they send their children to school with extra money to do the same thing. I want to do more, I want this to be more. I don't know how to make that possible though. I think it would be an amazing thing that through one act of kindness 30 years ago (yeah I'm old), hundreds of kids are served.

So I am opening this to you. Do you have any thoughts? Any suggestions? Please leave them in the comments. I am also going to reach out to Scholastic to see if they can help too.

That one thing that you are doing just to be nice, may not save the world, but may reverberate years down the line. Think about that.

You Bring Me (application) Joy

Leslie talks about the different apps that are bringing her joy through the pandenomicon. 

 

Preply (Use this link to 30% off and I get a little coinage saved too)  https://preply.com?pref=MjM4MTEzMA==

Drops- https://languagedrops.com/

Mango - Check your local library

Open Shot - https://www.openshot.org/

The Bird Ass App: Twitter.com

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Youtube channel (Did you know you can listen to the podcast over there too!?) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCucjUQPfS3HkoAlg9esCqcA

Send Quinzel a joyful message on Twitter: @QuinzeLee

 

Send us a hello:

Geeky Girls' Night In

PO Box 90232 Indianapolis, In. 46290

 

Special thanks to Michelle, Kim, and Beth for contributing to our Ko-Fi! If you would like to throw a dollar or two this way to keep the lights on (and the hosting going), consider donating to the Ko-fi. Ko-fi.com/geekygirlsni

Facebook.com/geekygirlsnightin

Instagram.com/geekygirlguide

Twitter.com/geekygirlsNI

Twitter.com/Geekygirlguide

Check out the writings of Quinzel and I at www.geekygirlguide.com

 

Music by Mark Generous - Kahlua With My Coffee - https://thmatc.co/?l=AA7D602B

 

 

 

Dancing on my own

Super short episode today as Leslie has no interview. 

 

Cat Colony Crisis trailer - https://uberstrategist.link/CatColoyCrisis-Announcement-TrailerYT

Super Seducer - https://uberstrategist.link/superseducer3-announce-trailer-YT

Preply tutoring - https://preply.com?pref=MjM4MTEzMA==

Youtube channel (Did you know you can listen to the podcast over there too!?) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCucjUQPfS3HkoAlg9esCqcA

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Send Quinzel a joyful message on Twitter: @QuinzeLee

 

Send us a hello:

Geeky Girls' Night In

PO Box 90232 Indianapolis, In. 46290

 

Special thanks to Michelle, Kim, and Beth for contributing to our Ko-Fi! If you would like to throw a dollar or two this way to keep the lights on (and the hosting going), consider donating to the Ko-fi. Ko-fi.com/geekygirlsni

Facebook.com/geekygirlsnightin

Instagram.com/geekygirlguide

Twitter.com/geekygirlsNI

Twitter.com/Geekygirlguide

Check out the writings of Quinzel and I at www.geekygirlguide.com

 

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