Dear Cardi B…
Author's Note: Below is an actual heartfelt letter to Cardi B, in regards to her relationship with Offset. For some background on this situation, check out this link and this link. Even though Cardi B doesn't fall under the 'geeky' category, I think understanding different relationships is important to our whole "Guide to Life" part. Hope you can relate
TW: talks of manipulation and emotional abuse in relationships
Dear Cardi B,
This letter is coming from the depths of my heart. Because, girl, I've been where you are.
Not in the exact sense of a romantic relationsh- well, that too. I've actually done this with family, with friends, and unfortunately, even a few romantic relationships.
I've been where you are. A deer in headlights as the public croons in "Aww, Quinzel, they're not that bad!" They knew if they did it publicly, it would get the results they want. And if not, well, they have a whole band of flying monkeys to come after me.
Offset disrupting Cardi's performance is like your ex running up on. you at your job in the middle of a meeting. This is not acceptable or cute. Or romantic. It's creepy and unstable.
— Demetria L. Lucas (@demetriallucas) December 16, 2018
Reconciliation was forced on me like dry swallowing a large pill. I've thought to myself "OK wow, this is a really nice gesture, maybe I'm being too harsh."
I should have stopped right there. They were manipulating me.
And Offset is 100% manipulating you.
In toxic relationships, once the person tries to get away, the first stage the toxic individual goes through is called "Love bombing". Wikipedia explains it as "an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection". It could be a nice gesture, but notice how Offset has never once taken any steps to NOT cheat on you?
The harsh reality is that love bombing doesn't last. Once the toxic person knows they've "got" you. They go back to their same ways. However, if you've left before, sometimes they even up their manipulative tactics in order to get you to stay. It isn't even hitting you, it's just all emotional abuse and mind games. It's all made to tear you down so you feel too worthless to leave again.
Here's exactly what will happen next. If you stick to your guns, I guarantee you Offset will switch tactics and become a full-blown asshole. He's going to talk shit about you on social media, f*ck women you don't like just to get to you, and take any step possible to ruin your career. I'm sure you have noticed this before, but Offset cannot handle your success. Because without your success, you can still remain tied to him. But if you can sell out arenas on your own and make enough money to care for a baby on your own, he's gotta dig even deeper to find a way to hurt you.
I know you took to Instagram to explain that this is someone you still love and care for like family. But sometimes we have to love someone from afar because sometimes that love will allow us to lose ourselves.
Sometimes that love will destroy us.
I know its hard, I know you have a lot of pressure to take him back. I know y'all have a baby together. I know this is extremely painful.
But I also know, Offset will never change. And even if you can justify in your mind that you can just deal with his infidelity and complete disregard for you, I'm sorry, but it will eat at you until you just become a shell of a person.
You've made a big step on leaving in the first place. I'm proud of you. Take this time to grow, enjoy your adorable little baby, see a therapist, and come out of this stronger than you ever realized.
Stay strong in your decision to go. I promise it gets better. You can do this!