A flashback to high school. I am a stronger person now.
I was an incredibly awkward teenager. I was (am) short, I was (am) fat, and I was (am) bookish. I played the clarinet, I read all the time, and you couldn't keep me from a computer. People tended to make fun of me as a result. A lot of the black girls in school made it their personal mission to make my life hell. I was miserable my freshman, sophmore, and junior year. By my senior year I had realized something. I was going places, and they would be stuck doing the same thing that they were always doing. This is pretty much true. Quite a few of them have not done a thing with their life. They are doing the same things they were doing while we were in high school, while I have moved on, stronger, wiser, and more confident in me. Sometimes though, niggling insecurities make their way back.
My husband and I had date night last night. We went and saw the Adjustment Bureau, and then went to eat at Scotty's Brewhouse. We were seated behind a group of black women with long straight hair down their backs. If you are on my Facebook page, you would know that I had two strand twisted my hair. I untwisted it, put in a headband and clipped in a flower. I felt cute.
I heard the ladies giggling and snickering behind me, but I didn't pay much attention. As we got up to leave I turned around to say something to the waitress, and they were looking at me. The three whose back was facing me while we were eating had craned their necks to see me. They were just gawking at me.. and possibly my hair, Not entirely sure. I flashed back to that moment back in high school where they were cruel and mocking me. I came back to the present, and I smiled and they turned back around immediately. I just walked out.
Indianapolis is not a huge mecca of culture. It's very conservative and it makes me sad. To be different, gets you looks.
The difference between the past and now? I don't care. You can snicker, and laugh and giggle, and talk about me behind my back. It shows how childish and immature you are. To show you can't accept differences in people, shows how cruel, small minded, and harsh you can be. You have taken someone's beauty standard, accepted it as law, and mock anything that is different. You are nothing to me. You were never anything to me. So why should I care? I don't care. I've grown up... and I love me.
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