Genre: Horror

Director: Joel Schumacher

Screenplay: Janice Fischer, James Jeremias, and Jeffrey Boam

Starring: Kiefer Sutherland, Jason Patric, Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, and Jaime Gertz

Michael and his family moved to make a new start in a small Californian town. Soon Michael becomes entranced with a girl his sees at the beach fair. His attraction to the girl brings something far more deadly for Michael. Vampires. Finding himself turning into one, he and his brother have to find a way to stop his transformation and save the town and their family from vampires.

So maybe it was supposed to scary as well as funny back in 1987, but again special effects were barely in their adolescence at the time. Being as terrible as they are, I feel, adds to the entertainment. I’m sure the bathtub scene was scary in its time, but for my generation it is just gore with a side of ridiculous, which makes us laugh. Maybe we’re desensitized because things only allowed in “R” rated films at the time of this movie is common place on network television now. Doesn’t really say a whole lot for our generation, but, hey, it is the life we know. This is still one of my favorite movies of the Eighties, purely for the entertainment value alone.

How can you not love a film that brought us the true power of the Coreys. This was the first movie they did together. I know it may be hard to conceive, but if this movie had never been made, it is possible none of the famous Corey films would have been made. Shocking, I know. I can hardly contain my emotions as I type. Let us take a moment of silence for the great Corey Haim……….

And we’re back. The acting isn’t remarkably famous in this movie, but that’s not the point of this film. I think that there are still valuable lessons that can be learned from this movie.

1. Just because she’s pretty does not mean you should engage.
2. Red bandanas are not just for Rambo.
3. One must always check their Chinese takeout before actually putting it into
their mouth.
4. Taxidermy, while creepy, can make for one hell of a fun grandpa.
5. And lastly, if you were in need of help for actual vampire termination, do not go
to a comic book store for that help.

I give this film 3 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Paranormal Activity (This review had to be postponed for a day.)

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Director: Rodman Flender

Screenplay: Terri Hughes and Ron Milbauer

Starring: Devon Sawa, Seth Green, Elden Henson, Jessica Alba, and Vivica A. Fox

Anton has a problem with his hand. It’s been possessed by the devil and is killing everyone he knows. Being a professional stoner, Anton never did much with his life. His lack of ambition made him the perfect candidate for possession. With the help of his undead best friends, he has to figure out a way to stop his hand before it kills the girl of his dreams and, well, everyone else.

The main reason I saw this movie at all was because of Devon Sawa. I had a ridiculously large crush on him during my teen years. Let’s just say, I’ve seen this movie is a lot due to that reason. What I didn’t expect is for the movie to actually be entertaining, if you can stomach and laugh at gore. This is not a hard thing for me, because I am acutely aware of the fact that it is all fake. Put me in front of Discovery Health surgery show, and I turn green and freak. This kind of film you have to take it for what it is, a comedy.

What makes this film entertaining is that it is stupid. The script isn’t something that defies genius. The film pokes fun at itself and makes you laugh. Probably the best scene in the whole film is when Anton decides the best way to keep his hands busy is by knitting. He sits in front of a Rob Zombie video between his two undead friends and knits. The comedy is built on the absurdity of these situations. Do not expect a life changer when watching this movie. It is purely mindless entertainment.

I’ve seen all the actors in this film act better in something else, but they seemed to have fun. Ever since the first time I’ve seen this film, I ask myself the same question. Why in the world was Vivica A. Fox in this movie. She had enough big budget films behind her that this kind of movie should have never perked her interest. I can understand why the others were in it being that they were emerged in the teen movie phenomenon of the time. Still why Vivca A. Fox was still in this film, I will never know.

I give this film 3 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Paranormal Activity

Title: Something Wicked This Way Comes

Genre: Family

Director: Jack Clayton

Screenplay: Ray Bradbury, adapted from his novel

Starring: Jason Robards, Jonathan Price, Diane Ladd, Vidal Peterson, and Shawn Carson

Best friends Will and Jim are entranced by the new circus in town. The circus holds many wonders for children and adults alike. The boys soon discover that there is something sinister about the circus, and it seems that the circus needs more than just money for admission. The circus’s evil plans seem to be spreading throughout the town, and only Will, Jim, and Will’s grandfather can stop it.

Being that special effects were not exactly top notch in 1983, the film had to rely completely on creepy tale that Ray Bradbury had to offer. It relies completely on the theme, “be careful what you wish for.” Everyone has regrets or they think of the “what if.” The problem is that we can’t change who we are or what we turned out to be. The only thing we have some control over is our next step. The story twists your fantasies into your own personal horror. As for the old woman that obsessed over her youth and former beauty. The circus returned both to her, but at the cost of her sight, playing with the theme of “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” How can the woman be truly beautiful if she cannot see herself? The story forces you to find what you really truly need as opposed to what you want.

I think that the film aptly represented the novel, the main reason being that Ray Bradbury wrote the script himself. The acting from Jonathan Price is something that, at least as a child, severely gave me the creeps. I still think of his character when I see men wearing top hats. As much as it creeped me out as a kid, I love it now. It is possible to scare a child with this movie, but I think it is still family friendly. You really need to judge it by the child. If the child is easily frightened, I would encourage not having them watch this.

I give this film 4 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Idle Hands

Genre: Family

Director: Kenny Ortega

Screenplay: Mick Garris and Neil Cuthbert

Starring: Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, Sarah Jessica Parker, Omri Katz, and Thora Birch

Salem has a town legend of the three Sanderson Sisters. Max is just too concerned with being the new kid in town and trying to win the heart of the pretty girl in school, Allison, to ever believe in an old town legend. He soon finds himself face to face with the legends themselves. With the help of Allison and his little sister, Dani, Max has to find a way to stop the Sanderson sisters’ evil plot.

This is fun movie for the whole family. They put the hokey in the Hocus Pocus with this film. The story is really well done with this movie. It balanced the plot with humor and fun without being too campy. I also enjoy how the “scary” elements were handled. They were not too scary for a child and allowes a child to laugh at these elements. I also enjoyed that there was enough adult humor to allow the older crowd to still have fun with the film. This humor did not overwhelm the film, but allowed just enough balance to be enjoyable for everyone. These types of films that harness this balance usually do better than most family films.

I have always been a great fan of Bette Midler and even though her lip make-up in this film creeps me out a bit. She is an exceptional actress that can play a serious part to blow your mind, but when it comes to fun films, she has no problem having fun or making fun of herself. This is a quality that I love most in an actor. Actors that can flit with ease from movie to movie with a different style of their own will actually be the reason I go to a movie. The make me want to see a movie regardless how great or bad I’m told a film is. This is what Bette Midler did for this movie. The fact that she had a playful role sealed the deal for me.

I will admit that I am personally not a large fan of Sarah Jessica Parker. From what I’ve seen of her she really only seems to play one type of character. This would be fine if all of her characters fit into this type. This character was perfect for Sex and the City. It did not however work very well for Did you Hear About the Morgans? or Failure to Launch. Most of her roles tend to lean towards okay rather than excellent due to this. Hocus Pocus is probably my favorite of all of her movies. She seems to really relax in this film and just have fun. It is a quality that is extremely rare for her. She should take on this fun mantle a little more with her next projects. I would probably enjoy her a little more if she did.

I give this film 4 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Something Wicked This Way Comes

In honor of my favorite holiday coming up next month, I will be celebrating it with you by having 31 days of reviews that are horror, thriller, suspense, and Halloween related in any way. Not all of the movies reviewed will be considered good, but that’s part of the fun. I personally like crappy horror films, because I enjoy making fun of them. Plus, I’m always on the lookout for something that will actually scare me. Not all of the films will be horror. I think that for Halloween, there are certain films that should not be left out.

I am also proud to announce my brother and fellow movie lover, Stu, will be joining me for some of these reviews. It seemed only natural to ask if he’d be interested in joining me in this event, because he’s the one I see these movies with. He’s got a sense of humor like my own, so I can only imagine what his take will be on the films he chooses.

I have put together a list of my personal top ten favorite films to watch for the Halloween Holiday. I will give you a little synopsis of why they are my favorite, but I will not review them until later. I hope you enjoy the fun!!!!

My Top Ten Favorite Halloween Movies

1. Hocus Pocus
All I really should have to say is Bette Midler for this to be understandable. It’s a fun movie that makes me laugh and just evokes the Halloween spirit. Plus, the brother and sister remind me of my brother and I, that’s another major reason I love it.

2. Something Wicked This Way Comes
It may be a Disney film, but there is much to be said about the creep factor of this film. I was pretty creeped out by it as a child, not so much anymore. It is still a great film.

3. Idle Hands
I immediately ran out to see this film due to my teenage love affair with Devon Sawa, but you know, it is actually really funny, if you like hilarity in the form of something morbid. Who doesn’t?

4. Army of Darkness
It’s the whole morbid hilarity thing again, and Bruce Campbell is the King, baby.

5. Paranormal Activity
This is so far the only film that has gotten close enough to creep me out. It is the Blair Witch Project done right.

6. The Lost Boys
1. 80’s 2. John Hughes 3. The Coreys 4. Kiefer 5. 80’s

7. Shaun of the Dead
I enjoy British dry humor, but I enjoy it more when it deals with zombies.

8. Donnie Darko
Okay, so this isn’t really a Halloween movie, but it’s weird and does have a Halloween party in it. A stretch, yes, but it is possible one of the greatest movies ever made.

9. Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Ah, the film that started it all. Being young, I actually enjoyed the movie when I first saw it. I still think it’s entertaining in a stupid way now. It’s the film for the television show that literally changed my life.

10. My Bloody Valentine 3D
I have many types of moments in my life, and this would be a shallow one. This film is purely on here for the eye candy, otherwise known as Jensen Ackles. The 3D is kind of fun.

Genre: Action/Adventure

Director: Mike Newell

Screenplay: Boaz Yakin, Doug Miro, Carlo Bernard

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, and Ben Kingsley

After a great act of courage witnessed by the King, Dastin is at once adopted by the King and raised as one of his sons, a prince. As an adult, Dastin travels with his brothers and uncle for battle, except he is persuaded to wage war upon the wrong city. This decision changes his life and leads Dastin on an adventure to save his name and his existence.

This film, based off the popular video game, is an action/adventure that achieves its main goal of a superb visual experience. The world depicted in this film is gorgeous as well as believable. The sad thing about these movies, is that they tend to be visually awesome, but the story and acting leaves you with an eh. The acting in this film was as well as I expected. There were certainly no Oscar performances, but a certain level of excellence was expected with the likes of Ben Kingsley, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Alfred Molina. They add a little class to the film and keep their characters believable. The only thing that would have made this film better would have been a stronger focus of the story. I felt at times the story was presented to us as the outline of the real story. There was just so much emphasis on look that they seemed to forget that there is more to a story than a plot. It still wasn’t a terrible film, though for personal fears, I could have done with less snakes. *shivers*

As I said before the acting was okay. I don’t think that it is within Ben Kingsley’s range to be terrible anymore. Jake Gyllenhaal was at his usual par. The only thing remotely different about him was his well defined physique. I certainly have nothing to complain about that. Gemma Arterton seems to be the newest British import for actresses. Her face is popping up everywhere you look. She really is not a bad actress, and I believe there will be a lot to look forward to coming from her future performances.

I will leave this review with one last comment. It is a question I kept asking myself throughout the entire film. Why is it that a film portraying a time period of the past that does not take place in America must always feel the need to use British accents to further the sensation of a foreign culture, regardless of that culture actually being in England? I don’t get it.

I give this film 3 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: The 31 days of Halloween

Genre: Horror/Thriller

Director: Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo

Screenplay: Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo, Paul Vosloo, and Jakub Korolczuk

Starring: Liam Neeson, Christina Ricci, and Justin Long

Anna Taylor wakes up in a morgue finding out that she’s dead according to the funeral director. He explains to her that she had been in a terrible car accident and had died. He can talk to her, because he can speak to the dead. Anna has a hard time believing that she is dead and tries to fight it even attempting to contact her fiancé. The funeral director tries to help her accept her fate, so that she’ll move on and not be trapped forever in a coffin. The only problem is that Anna just doesn’t believe she’s dead.

I, personally, am a fan of scary or weird films. I believe that it is much more of a challenge to make something completely fantastical believable. To be honest there are a lot of movies that barely make a scream believable and come off as campy. Even though their bad, I still find enough to make fun of to be entertained. That being said there is a limit with bad films, where even I cannot find a smidge of entertaining value.

I eagerly picked up this film because I thought that it would be decent being that Liam Neesonn is in it. He’s a solid actor that is usually in good films. While this film was not terrible, it was not a great memory either. The first thing I will always remember about this film is how naked Christina Ricci is throughout it. It really makes the film awkward. Unnecessary nudity is normal commodity of a scary movie. Why that is, I have no idea. Beyond that, the story does attempt to be thought provoking and leave you guessing as to what is really going on. That attempt alone is enough to give the film credit. Most scary movies rely on creative, gory death scenes and nudity leaving not a lot for the actual story. The movie wants you to keep asking yourself, “Is she dead or is she alive?” throughout the entire film. Also, I think it wants you to ask yourself, “Who is this creepy child?” Why have the kid in it otherwise?

Liam Neeson is a profound actor. This however isn’t a shiny example. He was by no means terrible in this film. It just felt as if he was not trying at all. He had a more commanding presence as Aslan, and he was just voice acting then. Whatever it was I expected from this film after seeing he was in it, I sure didn’t get.

Christina Ricci played Anna. Here is my problem with Christina Ricci. She always seems to play the same character. Granted her acting skills were a little higher than her usual par in Black Snake Moan, she always plays characters that there is something off about them. This film did not stand out. It was that same girl with something off whether it be drugs, death, or werewolves. I won’t say that I dislike her as an actress. She is alright and fulfills some purpose. There have been roles she played where you could not think of any other actress as the character. In her defense, her acting career could be the result of Hollywood’s favorite pastime, typecasting.

Justin Long is also in this film. He plays Anna’s boyfriend. Sadly, beyond that, there is not a whole lot else to be said about him in this film. This is not really his fault. The writing for his character was extremely limited and didn’t offer him a whole lot to work with.

I give this film 2 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Prince of Persia

Genre: Romance/Comedy

Director: Alan Poul

Screenplay: Kate Angelo

Starring: Jennifer Lopez and Alex O’Loughlin

Zoe has decided to take matters in her own hands and get artificially inseminated to have the baby she’s longed for, since she believes she will never meet Mr. Right. Fate always has a twisted sense of humor and throws Mr. Right into her midst right after her procedure. Zoe has to now juggle an impending pregnancy with her feelings and fears of an impending relationship.

It is your typical romantic comedy, with a baby twist. The best way to describe this film is cute. It was the best romantic comedy that I’ve ever seen, but I still enjoyed it. I actually saw this in the theater, and didn’t feel that I should have waited for it to come out on video. The addition of the baby conflict added for some new twists and enjoyable jokes over the numerous awkward situations both characters found themselves in.

This is Jennifer Lopez’s return to the big screen, and it was a pleasant return. She seemed at ease, and her acting was more natural, very similar to her performance in The Wedding Planner where we all fell in love with her. Her comedic timing in this film was not her best, but it has certainly improved since Monster-In-Law. Maybe her next film will be even better.

This was Alex O’Loughlin’s first major picture debut. We’ve seen him before on short lived shows such as Moonlight, Three Rivers, and this fall’s Hawaii 5-0. He’s not a bad actor and there seems to be a lot of potential with him, not to mention his good looks don’t exactly hurt his case, either. I wouldn’t mind seeing him in more films, especially since his television career hasn’t exactly panned out yet.

I give this film 3 Buttery Kernels.

Coming Soon: AfterLife

As you may have noticed, I haven’t exactly been updating here lately. My original goal was to at least update weekly. The problem I’ve been facing with this is that there haven’t really been a whole lot of changes since my last post. That is until recently. I will now reward you with an extra long post.

I am still on the hunt for a job. My previous attempts leaving me with nothing, I decided to venture back to my roots and go with a familiar staffing agency. I received my last job through the same agency and thought that my luck might be better even if I only receive some temporary positions. That certainly didn’t go as well as planned. After driving all over Las Vegas to one currently closed branch to the other open branch, I found the service here in Las Vegas to be a little stressed and so far not exactly helpful at all.

My luck was not with me, which I’m beginning to dismiss entirely. My luck where Vegas is concerned was never present before, I should not be surprised to find that it is not here now, a fact that has led me not to pursue gambling since the first trip out here. The turn of events with the staffing service that insisted on referring to me as Kristen (not a bad name just not close to being mine) and asking me if I ever received an email (and no, I still haven’t) has left me dissatisfied and hopeless of getting an office position or something along that environment.

I may not have a job, but I still have bills, bills that I’m literally just scraping by with. This led to my current branching out in my job search, retail, and has now led to a couple of interviews. They seemed to go alright, but I don’t want to jinx anything. I’ve always been one who prepares for the worst and likes to be surprised by the good. I have the same outlook where criticism is concerned. I can take bad criticism. In fact I prefer it, because I know how to fix it. When I get good criticism I try to hide the blank look on my face with a small smile. I know there are some of you that know this look. I don’t handle good criticism very well, and yes, I realize that is not normal. I have never been one to claim that I’m normal. I guess it is also has to do with the fact that I really don’t like to flaunt or show off.

To add to my financial ruin, I got a lovely overdraft scare from my bank this week. I never have been one to pay minute attention to my accounts, but because they are both practically nonexistent, I now, have them recorded down to the last penny. My mother would be very proud. Why if my organizational skills have recently hulked out in my time of disparity would I receive an overdraft fee? Apparently, when I transferred the last of my savings into my checking and clicked the two confirmation boxes that followed the transfer it was not in fact confirmed by the bank……ever. I will admit fault for not double checking my balance the next day before paying my bill, but I’ve never had to before. I did call them today to ask for forgiveness, and the nicely obliged to remove it, so yay?

The state of my finances have led me to consider panhandling at the local corner of the interstate. I remember when I helped my brother move out here there was a midget on that very corner the whole during my entire stay. He’s not there now, so this leads me to believe in progress. I figure all I really need is some strong sunscreen, a few gallons of water, and a collapsible chair. I briefly considered bringing along my iPod, but I don’t think that will help the desperate impression I’d be trying to convey. If I don’t make any money at least a may sweat my ass into a size 10. Can’t go wrong there?

This brings me to discuss to newer issues with my body. Every year since college my wacky skin springs something new on me. This year it was heat rash. I now have to be careful of the sun, because I break out in annoying hives. It’s even more fun when they break out on your face, which I now have learned. Being that my skin’s personality is as random as my own, I did not believe that it was heat rash, but rather eczema. Fact 1: The way one treats eczema is exactly the opposite way of treating heat rash. Fact 2: If heat rash is treated like eczema, it gets worse…..a lot worse. That was an awesome two weeks of my life.

My second issue with my body is my weight. I want it to be known that I am a big girl, and there is sure as hell nothing wrong with that. I’ve been a big girl since high school, granted I was smaller in high school than now, but still singing plus size praises. I do not believe that I’ve ever been made fun of for my weight, at least that I’m aware of. I am probably one of the lucky few that didn’t have to deal with that. I’m sure there was someone at some time who didn’t like me or someone I may have pissed off that threw weight related slurs my way just none that I paid attention to. You have to make yourself into who you are, because the only thoughts and comments you will ever be forced to listen to are your own. It’s not the voice of the popular girl from high school who rants in your mind as you lay your head against a pillow at night. Although, points for imagination and creativity if it is, but the main idea is that you’re in the driver’s seat. I think the hardest lesson to be learned is that it is just as easy not to care about something as it is to care. I would be lying if I said I was immune to society and negativity. I’ve got issues and a lot of them are with my weight. I’m not a saint people. They’re my own personal demons, not anyone else’s.

I’ve kind of adopted a “do’s and don’ts” of big girls, or as I affectionately call it, “The Big Girl Code.” This code could possibly be the very reason I didn’t get a lot of crap for my weight in high school. Who was I to care, when I was following my code. It doesn’t necessarily tell you how to live your life it just points out the various disadvantages and advantages of being a big girl in society’s skinny girl world, very reminiscent of a “choose your own adventure” novel. If you choose a specific action, then society is probably going to react this way. I felt that if I knew this outcome was going to happen, then I could prepare myself on how to deal with it. If I didn’t want to deal with something, then I chose the safer ending. It is not a perfect system being as limiting as it is freeing, but one has to deal with the world somehow.

This being said, I have finally decided to change my lifestyle. I’m not a big fan of the word diet, because society has presented it to be a short-term solution. I’m not really doing a whole lot to be honest. I’m just trying to apply balance to my life. I have been trying to make exercise into a habit, because I haven’t been active in forever. I got bigger once I stopped being active, so in there lies a big clue. I also am trying to relieve stress that way, because lord knows I have enough of that. I haven’t denied myself the foods I love, and I want to see how the balance thing works before I do. I have been eating better, because there is more time now and my SIL is showing me new and easy meals. I was a big boredom and stress eater. I always eat when I’m bored. Now I’m just replacing eating with exercise. I want to think that because I am no longer eating fast food everyday for lunch that I have lost 20 to 25 pounds already. This is a guess-timate based on my clothes getting a lot bigger. It could also be the result of it being so freakishly hot here, that my ass had no other choice but to sweat some of that off.

This is pretty much my randomness at the moment. The only other thing I’m really excited about is that my nephew is now a hug machine, which I cannot get enough of. My shows are all starting this week: Castle, Glee, Bones, Supernatural (my boys, sigh), and Dexter. It is sad I know, but this is my excitement. TNT will be running a marathon of the best of Supernatural starting at midnight tonight. For someone that literally just finished rewatching the entire series, this should not be of interest. I can’t help it though. Being single, you’re only left with the option of your personal eye candy, and I can’t deny myself what is so readily available. Sigh…..

Until next time……