Saw

Directed by James Wan

Starring Cary Elwes, Danny Glover, Monica Potter, and Tobin Bell

Two people find themselves the pawns in an evil, sick game. They are the latest victims of the Jigsaw killer. They must follow the rules to the game or they will end up dead and so will their families. These people are chosen for a reason and they are going to pay for their sins.

This movie is well written. Not wonderfully acted, but much better than most horror movies. This is the type of movie that you could watch and love, or watch and think that it is just another B horror. This movie exploded into lots of sequels. The sequels don’t seem to follow the original storyline, but they make a lot of money. They are entertaining and supposedly the last one is coming out this Halloween. Watching them all over a couple days is kinda fun( I did it last year). But if you have to choose one, the original is the best.

I give this 3 ½ bloody hand prints

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Director: George Miller

Screenplay: Michael Cristofer based on the novel by John Updike

Starring: Cher, Susan Sarandon, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Jack Nicholson

When Alex, Jane, and Sukie get together one night and have a few drinks, they begin to discuss the perfect man. What they aren’t aware of is that he’s moved into town especially for them. He’s charming and he’s charismatic, wooing all three of the women, but there is also something very off about him. Maybe the man of their dreams is from actually from their nightmares.

This is a very fun film from the 80’s that is mostly made fun by the acting. The story itself is not that strong, but Jack Nicholson and his knack for crazy draws you in for a good laugh. The film attempts to poke fun at the unconventional, but if they didn’t have the actors they chose, it wouldn’t nearly be as fun. I personally have not read the book, but I imagine it to be much more entertaining and interesting than the movie since a movie was actually made. The screenwriter’s take on the novel just didn’t translate well to the big screen. It is possible that the lack of technology during this time may have also played a role with the story not going so smoothly.

I didn’t hate this movie and did enjoy the actors a lot, but I don’t recommend rushing out and buying it. If you find it cheap as I did, then sure knock yourself out.

I give this film 2 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Planet Terror

Genre:Romance/Horror

Director: Catherine Hardwicke

Screenplay: Melissa Rosenberg based off the novel by Stephanie Meyer

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Billy Burke, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Ashley Greene, Nikki Reed, Kellan Lutz, Jackson Rathbone, and Taylor Lautner

Bella moves to a small Washington town to live with her father, completely opposite of her Arizona upbringing. Her first day of school was expected to be awkward, because she was new. She did not, however, anticipate encountering Edward Cullen, a mysterious and withdrawn individual. If only she knew how much her life was going to change after meeting him.

Yes, I am doing a review on this, and yes, I am a fan. At least, I’m not a crazy one. I was a huge fan of the novels. True, they are not nobel prize winners, but for young adult novels, they’re pretty complex. I chose the wrong time to see this film for the first time, opening night. My friends and I were surrounded by tweens, not the remotely entertaining kind either, and a bad interpretation of the book, for which I blame the director. When the film was over, I had cracked several jokes about the film, was done with obsessive tweens, and probably saw one of the worst special effect understanding of something that should have been so simple. I was bummed and exhausted, and not at all amused by the girls screaming in ecstasy how amazing the film was. Did we not just leave the same theater? I apologize. I really shouldn’t be that demeaning to the tweens. I was that age once also. As I matured, my drama tolerance disappeared, leaving me very annoyed and uncomfortable when I cannot avoid most of it.

Catherine Hardwicke did an amazing job with Thirteen. It was fantastic, and indie films are her forte. I believe that she was not exactly prepared for the differences of an epic and commercial, twilight is big enough to practically be a brand, film opposed to an indie film. Indie films are raw and very dramatic and rely heavily on the acting, story and direction to provide the harmony. Twilight is a genre flick, and one that she seemed to try to film like a heavily dramatic indie film. The story alone has enough drama in it that it did not need severe emphasis by specific shots or overacting. My example being the scene when Bella enters biology class, and Edward has his very awkward reaction. I am sure that we will continue to see great things from this director, but her choice for the direction of this film was not wise at all. The sequels surpassed this film, easily, and I only expect the last novel’s interpretations to be the best yet.

Ah, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, what can I say? I don’t think that they were terrible in this movie because they are terrible actors. I believe that they’re performances were not up to par, because that’s how they were told to act. An actor doesn’t usually have full control over apart. Some directors do let allow actor go with the flow, but the point is that the director has to allow it first. Whether the director told them exactly how to act or presented them with suggestions for the scene, this is what an actor is paid to do. Kristen Stewart has always been one of the actresses I have kept my eye on since her performance in Speak. I thought she had a lot of potential to be a phenomenal actress, something she continues to prove. I actually feel the same about Robert Pattinson. They both seem to have an honesty about them that is hard to ignore. Maybe epic, commercial films are not really the boat they should be jumping on right now. I think they should focus more on indie films for the time being to practice their craft before they jump onto another highly commercial film. I would like them both to be known for their talent first and not just Edward and Bella. I will admit that I can’t imagine anyone else playing Edward and Bella, though.

Sorry, Taylor Lautner will not be discussed for this film, because he may have been in there for a full five minutes.

I give this film 2 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: The Witches of Eastwick

Genre: Horror/Action

Director: Len Wiseman

Screenplay: Kevin Grevioux, Len Wiseman, and Danny McBride

Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman, Michael Sheen, Shane Brolly, and Bill Nighy

There is a great war raging between the vampires and the werewolves that has been billowing for centuries. In our modern day, Selene, a vampire, is part of a special force that has been given the task to eliminate as many werewolves as possible, a duty she is all too ready to complete since it was werewolves that killed her family centuries ago. When she discovers the werewolves’ latest plot, everything she thought she knew gets turned upside down, and she is forced to make a decision.

I have to point out that this was practically the first real movie of my generation to touch the whole vampires and werewolves as mortal enemies, and what a fine kickass interpretation it is. It is very action packed and entertaining movie. It does have vampires and werewolves, but the approach pushed the usual standard by not making it a traditional horror movie. I only use the term “horror” because there are indeed vamps and wolves and so goes the term. I hesitate to use the fantasy expression, because I feel it leans more towards worlds that have no connection to reality, where this film is set in our reality. This is an action flick. You are supposed to ooh and ahh over the special effects and enjoy the adventure, not jumping from being scared at random moments.

I have to admit that even the story was pretty impressive and well thought out. It starts out very black and white and ends grey. These are my favorite kinds of stories. The story remains compelling enough to keep you as interested as you are with the effects. That’s always a bonus with an action movie. Action movies tend to follow the same route as horror films and rely on how things are going to look and not the story. The sequel is pretty decent, but the prequel left more to be desired. Even the fact that Bill Nighy and Michael Sheen were in the prequel could not hold enough value to make it as good as the first two. Alas, there is talk a fourth which will follow the story line of the second movie. Hopefully, it will live up to the original.

I give this film 3 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Twilight

Genre: Horror

Director: David Winkler

Screenplay: Adam Gross and Seth Gross

Starring: Jensen Ackles, Dominique Swain, Shannyn Sossaman, William Sadler, and Teach Grant

It’s Jake’s birthday, and to celebrate, his friend invites him to play a game that randomly calls you and gives you orders. He thinks the game is harmless and joins in. No one informs him of the deadly consequences. On top of that, there may be an even deeper connection between the game and Jake, one Jake never saw coming.

Okay the main reason to watch this movie is because you like one of the actors and care stare upon their visage for a period of time, of course hopefully not in a creepy way. That was my reason, and that was purely its only entertaining factor. The story line isn’t that strong though tries to act like it’s psychological and gripping. I give it the psychological, more because at the end of the movie I had a letdown wtf moment. The acting was okay too, except for the sex scene. I am not one to usually comment on such moments in film history, but this was probably the most awkward one I have ever seen. The actors seemed uncomfortable, but you could clearly tell that they were overly trying to make it seem that they were indeed supposed to be having fun. Just awkward.

I give this film 1 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Underworld

Genre: Horror

Director: Christophe Gans

Screenplay: Roger Avery

Starring: Radha Mitchell, Sean Bean, Laurie Holden, and Jodelle Ferland

Rose is worried about her daughter, Sharon, who keeps sleepwalking into frightful situations always calling out “Silent Hill.” Rose wants the sleepwalking to end and decides to take her to Silent Hill, which is a town, a haunted, deserted town. Getting into the town was not an easy task, and leaves Rose unconscious in her car. When she awakes, she find that her daughter is missing and searches the town for her, but she is not prepared to find out that the stories about Silent Hill are true and much worse.

I easily compared this movie to Resident Evil being that they both are based off of video games. In my opinion there was just as much to work with from the video game for Silent Hill as well as for the game for Resident Evil. The major difference is that the Silent Hill movie did a better job of conveying it, even if they flipped the main character from the father in the video game to the mother in the movie. There is a balance between the story and the effects. This was not the case with Resident Evil. Of course there are some horrible deaths in this movie, but it was not he focus. The focus of Silent Hill is the town, what happened and is happening to it, and most importantly how Sharon fits into the puzzle. The effects are blended nicely within the story, causing a lot of creep, but not overshadowing. Granted, the end even caused me to a have “gird your loins” moment, but anyone else could understand that sentiment.

I say that the film was story driven, but even it had its rough patches. The girl that is Sharon’s doppelganger runs around bringing Rose to the horrible truth of what happened to Alessa. There is a suggestion that the girl we see and Sharon are both born somehow from the real tragedy that happened to Alessa. The thing that looks like her seems to be all of the evil and angry energy born from the tragedy, and Sharon is all the good that was still left in her thrown out to try and find happiness. You go through all of that and you don’t really get what exactly Sharon is or what the future holds for her or the town. It was great to go through the movie, but too many questions were brought up at the end that were never properly answered. I guess this is why the video game has several sequels. One for the movie has yet to be established.

I give this film 2 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Devour

Genre: Horror

Director: Paul W.S. Anderson

Screenplay: Paul W.S. Anderson

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, and Eric Mabius

Alice wakes up in a mansion with no memories of who she is or why she is there. As she begins to figure it out, a group of operatives break into the mansion and take her hostage. What is stranger is that the operatives are more interested in what’s underneath the mansion than Alice's amnesia. An entire company is found beneath the mansion, but everyone is dead. All that is found deep in the company is more questions, and most importantly, the dead may not be so dead.

Most who were fans of the video game found this movie severely lacking. It is the typical zombie flick, they’re there and they’re hungry. A twist with the zombie problem is that it carried on to animals, which isn’t the situation in most zombie movies. Why the zombies are there in this story is that the company located underneath the mansion has been developing many serums for medical advancement, just one of the serums happens to make you a zombie. Apparently there is an antidote, but the time frame in which it remains effective is nearly impossible. The game is much more entertaining than the movie, so stick with that. Saying that this particular film is crap does not mean that the sequels are. In fact, they are much better. I have yet to see the last one, but if it follows along the same track as the last two, I doubt that I will be disappointed.

My final observation in this film is a source of embarrassment for myself. So embarrassing, it took the third movie and a song for the light bulb to come on. I should explain first that I am a literature nerd, and have been looking for meaning and symbols buried in the subtext of many novels over the last ten years. I have also used this skill with movies, which is what made Donnie Darko so much fun for me. Why it took a remake of Starship’s White Rabbit during the ending credits of the third film to understand the Alice In Wonderland undertones in the movie, I have no idea. There was nothing secretive about the connection either. Let’s see, the main character’s name is Alice, instead of a rabbit hole to a secret world, one simply takes an elevator, and who runs the secret world, why the red queen of course. I could probably go further as in drink this and you’ll grow small or eat this and you’ll grow big to one of these serums turns you into a flesh eating zombie and the other makes sure you don’t. There is also the popular theory for us literary geeks that Alice’s story in the book is her journey of change or to womanhood. I think we can all agree that Alice from the movie is definitely a changed woman at the end of the film. The fact that I was completely oblivious of all of these when I first saw the movie makes me think I should send back my degree.

I give this film 2 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Silent Hill

Genre: Horror

Director: David S. Goyer

Screenplay: David S. Goyer

Starring: Odette Yustman, Gary Oldman, and Cam Gigandet

Casey discovers a horrifying secret. She was a twin, but her brother passed in the womb. Now due to a tragedy in her family’s past, something is seeking vengeance on her, because she alone survived the birth. This force won’t stop until it has destroyed her, and it will destroy everything and everyone it its path until it has her.

Though I know some may disagree with me, but I actually kind of liked this movie. This was story driven, and I think you know by now how much I love those, plus it had Gary Oldman. My exact thought when I saw the preview was that the movie could not be that bad if Gary Oldman was in it, because he is a phenomenal actor. I was, for the most part, correct. It sure is not the best film of its kind, but I found it surprising enough at times to be satisfying. Gary Oldman’s performance was satisfying enough, but they again, I’m under the impression that he can’t be terrible. The story also became much more complex than ever expected, which added to the film’s value.

There were also the standard crazy deaths in this film, but mostly due to more creative and imaginative effects. I like to think that the main goal of this movie is to creep the audience out as opposed to scare the mess out of it, which mostly makes it a better movie. The story alone is creepy enough, but how they chose to materialize that story, makes it more creepy. That is where the effects come in. Insert creepy children here. There is nothing more disturbing in a film than a creepy child. I think we can all remember Gabe from Pet Sematary. Probably one of the most memorable scenes from The Exorcist due to how uncomfortable it made the audience was when Regan pulls her not so human contortionist act down the stairs. With today’s technology added to a similar contorted display, the creep factor gets multiplied by at least 50. It’s enough to make the movie watchable.

I give this film 3 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Resident Evil

Genre: Horror/Fantasy

Director: Andrew Fleming

Screenplay: Peter Filardi and Andrew Fleming

Starring: Robin Tunney, Fairuza Baulk, Neve Campbell, Rachel True, and Skeet Ulrich

Sarah and her family move to a new town so that she can make a fresh start. The first girls to befriend her are the outcasts at school. Feeling like an outcast herself, Sarah believes that she has found her place. Her new friends invite her to join in on their extracurricular activity, witchcraft. The girls will soon learn that while some power can be good other power can be quite seductive and evil.

So, first, I want to say that the film is okay. This was one of the movies that was a dirty little secret when I was a tween. My friends and I would watch it thinking how cool it would be if we had powers. Let me place a disclaimer here to ensure my fine audience that I meant the last statement in a purely imaginative sense. I never actively pursued it myself, the main reason being that it was just a movie. That being said this movie was more of a cult favorite of mine when I was young and was still too naïve to really care about the story and the acting.

Acting and story in this film are nothing to skip around about, but it did introduce a lot of young actors of the time. We learned that the little girl, Fairuza Baulk, from Return to Oz, can be one crazy bia. Robin Tunney had bad Rachel hair before she ended up on The Mentalist. Neve Campbell was always doomed to play emotional distraught characters. And finally, Skeet Ulrich didn’t always have the long, greasy hair that girls swooned over after watching Scream. I would like to note that I was not one of these girls, because the whole brutal killer mantle was not something that was attractive to me.

I give this film 2 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: The Unborn

Paranormal Entity

Directed by Shane Van Dyke

Starring the director and other nobodies

So some sort of evil is haunting a family. They are getting harassed by a spirit from beyond. Things are moving, sounds are happening, and the sister is getting the worst of it. They set up traps and cameras to try and find out why this is happening to them. They struggle to establish a reason for why they are the victims and they would love to live a normal life. The happenings become more frequent and more intense. It all come to an end with the sister getting attacked(whilst naked) by the demon.

This is the same style as Paranormal Activity, but much worse. If you have not seen PA and watch this, you may think this is not bad. The whole finally demon rape is a little disturbing, but I guess that is the point. Watch PA and save yourself some time.

I give this 1 bloody hand print