I’m still chasing the dream of a job. I got so desperate that I decided to pimp myself out for one on facebook. It didn’t really turn out to be as good as a plan as I had originally thought, hence the whole still unemployed thing. On the brightside, I am off to a job fair for healthcare tomorrow, and just because there is only one job that I’m qualified for, does not mean I will not go in with a frown on my face. I still have dignity. I took a chance and called the temp agency yesterday. Nothing productive yet, but it was a new girl, and I hope to be in contact with her again. The last girl I’ve been working with didn’t exactly seem to care and was extremely over stressed.

I just got over one of the best colds I’ve ever had in my life. Squishy loves his Aunt so much, he decided to share his cold with her. Apparently, my colds have normally been über miserable due to my horrible allergies. I am currently enjoying no allergies, since moving to the try climate Las Vegas. I am told though that I will feel the wrath of allergies again in a few years. I’ve been through it once, I can go through it again. I am just enjoying the vacation.

I experienced my first real culture shock this past Saturday. I joined Emily and Kellan on their trip to the apple orchard, where we planned on getting many fall fun things like apples and pumpkins. I am fully aware that I am living in an entirely different climate, but I misjudged this last Saturday. I thought that I would wear a thin long sleeved t-shirt, thinking that while still warm, it might be too cool to wear short sleeves. Oh, did I mention that it was over 100° at the orchard. I was hot and confused because I was looking at pumpkins, pumpkins that were planted with corn that was ready to be harvested. I was so hot that I immediately chugged apple cider, which is never a good plan, no matter who tells you it is. This was nothing like the field of corn I grew up next to back in Indiana.

It is the Halloween season, so on my film blog I’ve been reviewing films for the season. Not all of the movies are good, but that just allows me to make fun of them. I’m having fun with that, and a bud is helping me out with a few reviews of his own. I can only imagine what fun I’m in for with him. I also busted out the infamous Monster Mash N’ Mix. My Halloween playlist is a highlight of my season.

On a happy side, I’ve been struck by the writing bug. I have shoved away the Jane Austen themed novel aside to the vault of looked over ideas, but every once in awhile they get pulled back out and the dust blown off of them. I’m working on a young adult novel and am taking this one a bit more serious. You can always tell when I’m serious, because I do research, outline, and do character bios. It is amazingly an idea I have been toying with for a few years now, and now have pulled it out of the vault and dusted it off for real business. We’ll just see how long this lasts.

Until next time…..

Genre: Horror

Director: Oren Peli

Screenplay: Oren Peli

Starring: Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat

Micah and Katie have been experiencing strange occurrences in their house. Micah decides to get camera equipment to determine what is actually happening in their house. Neither one is prepared for what they actually find.

This film needs to be immediately compared with The Blair Witch Project. It is the same type of attempt at horror. Let’s use a fake documentary and pretend that it’s real. The only difference between this film and The Blair Witch Project is that this film actually achieved the creep factor. It probably helps that we as an audience have been exposed to such shows as Ghosthunters. This film monopolizes on all things creepy coming from these kinds of shows, plus a little drama. It just brings on the creeps. The acting in my opinion is exceptional. It would really have to be to make it even remotely believable.

I was thoroughly impressed with the film altogether. This is about as creeped out by a film that I have ever been, just based on the film itself. I’ve been creeped out by a creepy child here and there, and I certainly don’t handle snakes well. As far as a movie and its full story line, this was a first. Me saying that at all should be enough grounds for you to know that it’s a good scary movie or at least scary enough for those faint of heart not to mess with it.

I give this film 4 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Donnie Darko

2008

Director:
Will Gordh

Starring: One of the writers, A girl that was in one episode of Dexter, and no one else you have heard of.

A young girl is sad over her mother’s suicide. She goes to group where she connects with the other early 20’s group member, who happens to be a boy. They quickly jump into a relationship and bond over the loss of their loved ones. They then mysteriously receive packages from an unknown sender. They get video tapes of there now dead loved ones. It is the in window, stalker type that we have come to love in C list horror movies. The movies become more frequent, as do the bad lines and worse acting. The tapes end as they both get taken hostage by the murderer, yes murderer, of their parents. Finding out who the killer is not hard, because there are about 6 characters in the movie. I am saving you the trouble of going to Redbox and getting this and will just let you know, the killer is the girls teacher. Devastated over the loss of his daughter to tonsillitis, yup, he decides to take the lives who ruined his. The two 20somethings parents were both doctors.

In the spirit of the season I give this movie ½ of a bloody hand print.

Hello all. This is Stu presenting the 10 best Horror Movies of all time. This is not my top 10 list, this is the actual top 10. AFI may say different but who wants to watch only movies from 1900-1950.

So I have been watching horror movies for at least three years and I have seen exactly 673 of them(approximately). SPOILER ALERT!!!!! If you haven’t seen these movies, I may ruin them for you. So here they is……

1. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I remember the first time I saw this was at a friend’s birthday sleepover. His dad thought it would be fun to yelp randomly throughout the movie. That plus the old man with a fake face hitting someone with a hammer makes this movie. The first movie that really scared me.

2. Saw
It spawned a lot of sequels. The storyline has gone from none to lots, which get worse. The first one is pretty crazy. Puzzles of death are fun.

3. Paranormal Activity
Where did this movie come from? Blair Witch started this kind of awesome, internet based “true” story. (I have not seen the star of this movie in a Steak n’ Shake commercial, though….look it up) The night cameras provided some fun stuff, they kind of killed it with the attempt of a connection to some old dead girl.

4. Event Horizon
This movie used to creep me out in high school. The whole end of the solar system-different dimension-afterlife-good/evil-etc. is a little lame, but to watch someone’s face getting melted while shouting at you in Latin is pretty scary.

5. Silence of Lambs
Hannibal Lector is thought of as one the greatest villains ever, but Jodie Foster in Nell is creepier. Great movie not necessarily a horror movie, but a good thriller. Lots of great lines in this movie, as well. Don’t watch if you are tired, it moves slowly.

6. The Sixth Sense
M. Night jumped on the scene with this movie. The colors, the twist ending is now a standard in his movies. This movie made it hard for people to follow his career. I liked Unbreakable and Signs. The Village was horror-ible (yes, I went there). I saw a rough cut of The Village in a Dollar Theatre and you could actually see boom mics in it. Lady in the Water was not a great movie, but it had some great acting by Paul Giamanti. The Happening started awesome. Go watch the first 10 mins of the movie and turn it off. Make up your own ending and I guarantee you it is better than what was actually on the screen. Plus Marky Mark was horror-ible(again). His whiney questions plus Zooey D. staring at the camera with her big eyes did not help. The Devil was ok. They crammed a lot into 1:23. But anyway, The Sixth Sense is #6 for novelty. Which lead me to the # 7 movie…..

7. Seven
You wish you were this witty. What’s in the booooox??!?

8. Halloween
Please half naked babysitter, run upstairs.

9. The Shining
This movie is soooo long. Creepy kids(this is going to be a theme).

10. It
I scared one of my best friend’s little sister so bad with a creepy clown mask that she still brings it up today. That was ten years ago. Clowns are pretty freaky.

Genre: Horror

Director: Joel Schumacher

Screenplay: Janice Fischer, James Jeremias, and Jeffrey Boam

Starring: Kiefer Sutherland, Jason Patric, Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, and Jaime Gertz

Michael and his family moved to make a new start in a small Californian town. Soon Michael becomes entranced with a girl his sees at the beach fair. His attraction to the girl brings something far more deadly for Michael. Vampires. Finding himself turning into one, he and his brother have to find a way to stop his transformation and save the town and their family from vampires.

So maybe it was supposed to scary as well as funny back in 1987, but again special effects were barely in their adolescence at the time. Being as terrible as they are, I feel, adds to the entertainment. I’m sure the bathtub scene was scary in its time, but for my generation it is just gore with a side of ridiculous, which makes us laugh. Maybe we’re desensitized because things only allowed in “R” rated films at the time of this movie is common place on network television now. Doesn’t really say a whole lot for our generation, but, hey, it is the life we know. This is still one of my favorite movies of the Eighties, purely for the entertainment value alone.

How can you not love a film that brought us the true power of the Coreys. This was the first movie they did together. I know it may be hard to conceive, but if this movie had never been made, it is possible none of the famous Corey films would have been made. Shocking, I know. I can hardly contain my emotions as I type. Let us take a moment of silence for the great Corey Haim……….

And we’re back. The acting isn’t remarkably famous in this movie, but that’s not the point of this film. I think that there are still valuable lessons that can be learned from this movie.

1. Just because she’s pretty does not mean you should engage.
2. Red bandanas are not just for Rambo.
3. One must always check their Chinese takeout before actually putting it into
their mouth.
4. Taxidermy, while creepy, can make for one hell of a fun grandpa.
5. And lastly, if you were in need of help for actual vampire termination, do not go
to a comic book store for that help.

I give this film 3 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Paranormal Activity (This review had to be postponed for a day.)

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Director: Rodman Flender

Screenplay: Terri Hughes and Ron Milbauer

Starring: Devon Sawa, Seth Green, Elden Henson, Jessica Alba, and Vivica A. Fox

Anton has a problem with his hand. It’s been possessed by the devil and is killing everyone he knows. Being a professional stoner, Anton never did much with his life. His lack of ambition made him the perfect candidate for possession. With the help of his undead best friends, he has to figure out a way to stop his hand before it kills the girl of his dreams and, well, everyone else.

The main reason I saw this movie at all was because of Devon Sawa. I had a ridiculously large crush on him during my teen years. Let’s just say, I’ve seen this movie is a lot due to that reason. What I didn’t expect is for the movie to actually be entertaining, if you can stomach and laugh at gore. This is not a hard thing for me, because I am acutely aware of the fact that it is all fake. Put me in front of Discovery Health surgery show, and I turn green and freak. This kind of film you have to take it for what it is, a comedy.

What makes this film entertaining is that it is stupid. The script isn’t something that defies genius. The film pokes fun at itself and makes you laugh. Probably the best scene in the whole film is when Anton decides the best way to keep his hands busy is by knitting. He sits in front of a Rob Zombie video between his two undead friends and knits. The comedy is built on the absurdity of these situations. Do not expect a life changer when watching this movie. It is purely mindless entertainment.

I’ve seen all the actors in this film act better in something else, but they seemed to have fun. Ever since the first time I’ve seen this film, I ask myself the same question. Why in the world was Vivica A. Fox in this movie. She had enough big budget films behind her that this kind of movie should have never perked her interest. I can understand why the others were in it being that they were emerged in the teen movie phenomenon of the time. Still why Vivca A. Fox was still in this film, I will never know.

I give this film 3 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Paranormal Activity

Title: Something Wicked This Way Comes

Genre: Family

Director: Jack Clayton

Screenplay: Ray Bradbury, adapted from his novel

Starring: Jason Robards, Jonathan Price, Diane Ladd, Vidal Peterson, and Shawn Carson

Best friends Will and Jim are entranced by the new circus in town. The circus holds many wonders for children and adults alike. The boys soon discover that there is something sinister about the circus, and it seems that the circus needs more than just money for admission. The circus’s evil plans seem to be spreading throughout the town, and only Will, Jim, and Will’s grandfather can stop it.

Being that special effects were not exactly top notch in 1983, the film had to rely completely on creepy tale that Ray Bradbury had to offer. It relies completely on the theme, “be careful what you wish for.” Everyone has regrets or they think of the “what if.” The problem is that we can’t change who we are or what we turned out to be. The only thing we have some control over is our next step. The story twists your fantasies into your own personal horror. As for the old woman that obsessed over her youth and former beauty. The circus returned both to her, but at the cost of her sight, playing with the theme of “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” How can the woman be truly beautiful if she cannot see herself? The story forces you to find what you really truly need as opposed to what you want.

I think that the film aptly represented the novel, the main reason being that Ray Bradbury wrote the script himself. The acting from Jonathan Price is something that, at least as a child, severely gave me the creeps. I still think of his character when I see men wearing top hats. As much as it creeped me out as a kid, I love it now. It is possible to scare a child with this movie, but I think it is still family friendly. You really need to judge it by the child. If the child is easily frightened, I would encourage not having them watch this.

I give this film 4 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Idle Hands

Genre: Family

Director: Kenny Ortega

Screenplay: Mick Garris and Neil Cuthbert

Starring: Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, Sarah Jessica Parker, Omri Katz, and Thora Birch

Salem has a town legend of the three Sanderson Sisters. Max is just too concerned with being the new kid in town and trying to win the heart of the pretty girl in school, Allison, to ever believe in an old town legend. He soon finds himself face to face with the legends themselves. With the help of Allison and his little sister, Dani, Max has to find a way to stop the Sanderson sisters’ evil plot.

This is fun movie for the whole family. They put the hokey in the Hocus Pocus with this film. The story is really well done with this movie. It balanced the plot with humor and fun without being too campy. I also enjoy how the “scary” elements were handled. They were not too scary for a child and allowes a child to laugh at these elements. I also enjoyed that there was enough adult humor to allow the older crowd to still have fun with the film. This humor did not overwhelm the film, but allowed just enough balance to be enjoyable for everyone. These types of films that harness this balance usually do better than most family films.

I have always been a great fan of Bette Midler and even though her lip make-up in this film creeps me out a bit. She is an exceptional actress that can play a serious part to blow your mind, but when it comes to fun films, she has no problem having fun or making fun of herself. This is a quality that I love most in an actor. Actors that can flit with ease from movie to movie with a different style of their own will actually be the reason I go to a movie. The make me want to see a movie regardless how great or bad I’m told a film is. This is what Bette Midler did for this movie. The fact that she had a playful role sealed the deal for me.

I will admit that I am personally not a large fan of Sarah Jessica Parker. From what I’ve seen of her she really only seems to play one type of character. This would be fine if all of her characters fit into this type. This character was perfect for Sex and the City. It did not however work very well for Did you Hear About the Morgans? or Failure to Launch. Most of her roles tend to lean towards okay rather than excellent due to this. Hocus Pocus is probably my favorite of all of her movies. She seems to really relax in this film and just have fun. It is a quality that is extremely rare for her. She should take on this fun mantle a little more with her next projects. I would probably enjoy her a little more if she did.

I give this film 4 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Something Wicked This Way Comes

In honor of my favorite holiday coming up next month, I will be celebrating it with you by having 31 days of reviews that are horror, thriller, suspense, and Halloween related in any way. Not all of the movies reviewed will be considered good, but that’s part of the fun. I personally like crappy horror films, because I enjoy making fun of them. Plus, I’m always on the lookout for something that will actually scare me. Not all of the films will be horror. I think that for Halloween, there are certain films that should not be left out.

I am also proud to announce my brother and fellow movie lover, Stu, will be joining me for some of these reviews. It seemed only natural to ask if he’d be interested in joining me in this event, because he’s the one I see these movies with. He’s got a sense of humor like my own, so I can only imagine what his take will be on the films he chooses.

I have put together a list of my personal top ten favorite films to watch for the Halloween Holiday. I will give you a little synopsis of why they are my favorite, but I will not review them until later. I hope you enjoy the fun!!!!

My Top Ten Favorite Halloween Movies

1. Hocus Pocus
All I really should have to say is Bette Midler for this to be understandable. It’s a fun movie that makes me laugh and just evokes the Halloween spirit. Plus, the brother and sister remind me of my brother and I, that’s another major reason I love it.

2. Something Wicked This Way Comes
It may be a Disney film, but there is much to be said about the creep factor of this film. I was pretty creeped out by it as a child, not so much anymore. It is still a great film.

3. Idle Hands
I immediately ran out to see this film due to my teenage love affair with Devon Sawa, but you know, it is actually really funny, if you like hilarity in the form of something morbid. Who doesn’t?

4. Army of Darkness
It’s the whole morbid hilarity thing again, and Bruce Campbell is the King, baby.

5. Paranormal Activity
This is so far the only film that has gotten close enough to creep me out. It is the Blair Witch Project done right.

6. The Lost Boys
1. 80’s 2. John Hughes 3. The Coreys 4. Kiefer 5. 80’s

7. Shaun of the Dead
I enjoy British dry humor, but I enjoy it more when it deals with zombies.

8. Donnie Darko
Okay, so this isn’t really a Halloween movie, but it’s weird and does have a Halloween party in it. A stretch, yes, but it is possible one of the greatest movies ever made.

9. Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Ah, the film that started it all. Being young, I actually enjoyed the movie when I first saw it. I still think it’s entertaining in a stupid way now. It’s the film for the television show that literally changed my life.

10. My Bloody Valentine 3D
I have many types of moments in my life, and this would be a shallow one. This film is purely on here for the eye candy, otherwise known as Jensen Ackles. The 3D is kind of fun.

Genre: Action/Adventure

Director: Mike Newell

Screenplay: Boaz Yakin, Doug Miro, Carlo Bernard

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, and Ben Kingsley

After a great act of courage witnessed by the King, Dastin is at once adopted by the King and raised as one of his sons, a prince. As an adult, Dastin travels with his brothers and uncle for battle, except he is persuaded to wage war upon the wrong city. This decision changes his life and leads Dastin on an adventure to save his name and his existence.

This film, based off the popular video game, is an action/adventure that achieves its main goal of a superb visual experience. The world depicted in this film is gorgeous as well as believable. The sad thing about these movies, is that they tend to be visually awesome, but the story and acting leaves you with an eh. The acting in this film was as well as I expected. There were certainly no Oscar performances, but a certain level of excellence was expected with the likes of Ben Kingsley, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Alfred Molina. They add a little class to the film and keep their characters believable. The only thing that would have made this film better would have been a stronger focus of the story. I felt at times the story was presented to us as the outline of the real story. There was just so much emphasis on look that they seemed to forget that there is more to a story than a plot. It still wasn’t a terrible film, though for personal fears, I could have done with less snakes. *shivers*

As I said before the acting was okay. I don’t think that it is within Ben Kingsley’s range to be terrible anymore. Jake Gyllenhaal was at his usual par. The only thing remotely different about him was his well defined physique. I certainly have nothing to complain about that. Gemma Arterton seems to be the newest British import for actresses. Her face is popping up everywhere you look. She really is not a bad actress, and I believe there will be a lot to look forward to coming from her future performances.

I will leave this review with one last comment. It is a question I kept asking myself throughout the entire film. Why is it that a film portraying a time period of the past that does not take place in America must always feel the need to use British accents to further the sensation of a foreign culture, regardless of that culture actually being in England? I don’t get it.

I give this film 3 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: The 31 days of Halloween